


Lost Trust

by villannelle



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: A lot of feels, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Battle Couple, Complicated Friendships, Complicated Relationships, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/F, Feels, Femslash, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Hate to Love, Lesbian Relationships, Marriage of Convenience, Messy Lesbians, Political Marriage, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Weddings, Women In Power, a lil spicy TM, friendships, political alliance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-10-05 13:31:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 76,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17325929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villannelle/pseuds/villannelle
Summary: Years of constant fighting for the position as ruler of Etheria have taken a toll on the Horde and the members of the Rebellion.After a natural catastrophe that's been denominated as the Cataclysm due to its disastrous nature, both sides are forced to cooperate when their people look at them for answers. Seeking a very needed truce for the good of the habitants of Etheria's survival, it would seem a political marriage is the only way to achieve this.Will She-Ra, the face of the Rebellion, be willing to marry Hordak to ensure he won't take advantage of their fragility to anihilate them? Or will the evil leader of the Horde have different plans in mind for their treaty?





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So as the summary and the tags states this takes place ten years after the ending of the first season of the show, which Catra, Adora and company are like 27/28 years old rn.
> 
> This is just an introduction so you can get an idea of what I have in mind for this, from now on chapters will be much more dynamic and full of dialogue, but there were a few situations I needed to make clear so you understand everything that happens from now on.
> 
> I was inspired to write this after reading sniperct's "Last Resort", which is a Sylvaina fic about political marriage and it's absolutely amazing so you should all go read it!!
> 
> This will be a slow burn and I'll try my best to update every other week, feel free to hold me accountable for it if I don't hahaha.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ten years ago, Catra’s life changed forever.

Ten years ago she was nothing but a young cadet of the Horde who, far from standing out for her undeniably extraordinary fighting skills, was labeled a misfit and a troublemaker.

Ten years ago she was working day and night just to get a taste of approval from a woman who ignored her, if not abused her since childhood.

Ten years ago, though she never really earned Shadow Weaver’s validation she so strongly desired, she managed to topple her and take her place as second-in-command for the Horde. This could probably be considered even better than her initial objective by many. However, even now she’s still not completely sure she shares the feeling.

And, most importantly, ten years ago she was betrayed by her best and only friend.

Looking up from her feet and into the mirror in front of her, Catra was immediately faced by the image of a woman completely different from the girl she’d just now been forced to remember. Her face and shoulders were marked with scars from past and recent battles; since being promoted to second-in-command by Hordak never stopped her from jumping head-on into every single battle she lead her people into.

Her hair was still long and her face had been covered in even more freckles than before due to sun exposure, but there was no trace of that cheeky, playful smile Catra used to be known for. Her passionate and cheerful eyes now looked tired and worn out, due to the years of constant stress she’d been subjected to. Her jaw and cheekbones were more accentuated than when she was a child, giving her a more threatening look that matched her strong personality perfectly. Everything from the way she walked to the movement of her ears let you know that this wasn’t someone you should get in an argument with. And it wasn’t someone you’d want as a friend either for that matter.  
Still, it was undeniable Catra stood as one of the best leaders the Horde had had in years.

“Your dedication to our cause has earned my full interest and admiration,” Hordak said to her the day she was promoted to Shadow Weaver’s position. “There’s no doubt in my mind that, with your help, the Horde will rise to the place it rightfully deserves as the ruler of Etheria.”

She’d smiled back then, feeling for the first time that rush of adrenaline that came from knowing that someone believed in you enough to express it out loud.  
Relentless, smart and dedicated. Those were the words that best described Hordak’s second-in-command.

“Thank you, sir.”

“No need to thank me.” He added almost immediately. “It’s not an empty compliment; it’s what I truly believe. I hope you won’t disappoint me.”

After spending her whole life trying to earn her parental figure’s favor, now she’d find it in the shape of Hordak’s encouragement. He risked more than he led on by giving such an important title to someone no one had ever rooted for, and Catra would be forever thankful for this.

“You’re too impulsive. Too emotional.” The man had told her once during one of his visits to her new room, that was now separated from the cadet’s overly populated bedroom she used to share with everyone else. Earlier that day she’d been practicing by herself in the training room, and as the machine that kept sending artificial enemies into the room to fight her made the image of an old friend begging for her life appear in front of Catra, she got distracted just long enough to be knocked down by another creature. Later she would learn, Hordak was responsible for said apparition. “Your conviction makes you strong, but your heart gets in the way.” The tone of Hordak’s voice remained as calm and collected as always, but the words he spoke made the hairs on Catra’s back stand up. “You must change that.”

So she did. She tried her best to stop feeling so much, to stop connecting everything she did to the emotions she was felt at the moment of making a decision on the battleground.  
And it worked, for a while. Though as proud as she was of her new title, something inside her told her she didn’t deserve it, and it didn’t matter how hard she’d worked for it or how much she’d sacrificed to get it. At least not anymore. Not after what happened because of her.

Just a year ago, disaster struck Etheria. When a young Entrapta met Catra after apparently having been abandoned by the rest of the princesses, the brunette took her in as an ally to the Horde once she proved herself more than useful to their cause. It took more time than expected, but after nine years of intense fighting back and forth with the princesses after the failed attempt to take over Bright Moon, with Hordak’s approval and with Catra now in charge, the engineer modified the Black Garnet and managed to weaken all of the princesses’ runestones present in Etheria until they were all completely disabled. The Black Garnet’s power now proving stronger than ever.

With the knowledge of this, and aware that they still had the upper hand Catra lead the Horde’s army into battle to destroy the members of the new Rebellion, with the objective not only of making the Horde the ruling entity on all of Etheria, but also with the intention to destroy the people who’d taken what –or who- she most cared from her. To prove to herself the pain and suffering she’d overcome wasn’t for nothing.

This win meant more of an emotional victory than a literal one for Catra, but one thing was for sure; she would sacrifice anything and anyone as long as it meant she would achieve her goal.

What she wasn’t expecting as her troops marched across a now frozen Whispering Woods, is that Entrapta’s alteration on the Black Garnet would overpower it to the point where it not only ended up destroying itself, but it sent Ethernia into absolute chaos. First, there was a sudden uncontrollable blizzard that sent some of the Horde’s members flying across the woods to never be found again.

Then, once the blizzard stopped, a thunderstorm took over. With the woods covered in snow and now thunder destroying almost every tree around them, Catra had no choice but to give the order to retreat.

Soldiers screamed and ran for their lives as the sky seemed to unleash its fury on them, destroying everything and everyone in its path.

Most of them survived. Only most of them.

Upon returning to the Fright Zone and once everyone that made it was seemingly safe, they learned that the Whispering Woods wasn’t the only part of Etheria which’s weather suddenly rebelled, but it was the same all around the planet. It’s like the Black Garnet sent a last bolt of energy before breaking apart, causing some kind of natural apocalypse to unleash upon them.

These events forced the Rebellion and the Horde to stop the war they’d began so long ago. Both retreating in an attempt to survive the terrible disaster that had just been brought upon them.

“I’m sorry!” Was all princess Entrapta had to say in her defense when she was confronted about it. “I may have dabbled a little too much with the Garnet while sending electronic responses from the batmex and the merging of both energies must have been too much for it to handle… But I can fix it! I just need a capacitor to store the energy by sustaining an electric field, I'll have to make a new integrated circuit to place the transistors and capacitors and a knurled piston to increase compression to avoid…”

Catra had stopped listening at that point, the blood boiling through her veins and making her ears ring from anger and frustration.

One year. It’d been one entire year since those events took place, and she still couldn’t stop blaming herself for the lives that were lost that day.  
She’d always found someone else to blame for everything in her life; her colleagues who never accepted her, Black Weaver who never gave her the same treatment as everyone else… But the lost lives of those soldiers would forever haunt her. Maybe she should’ve waited, maybe she should’ve thought about it better. She couldn’t blame Entrapta either since she was the one that gave the engineer green light to mess with the Black Garnet in the first place.

She didn’t even know the engineer that much, after spending her whole life putting up a barrier between her and every single person she ever met to avoid getting hurt again, and still Catra let her anger and distress rush her decision to allow the other to alter something as important to the Horde as the Black Garnet without question.

Surprising everyone, Hordak didn’t immediately demote her after the disaster. If anything he seemed almost pleased.

“Do not misunderstand my compassion.” He faced her right in front of everyone; Entrapta, Scorpia, the soldiers who’d lost friends in a disaster that had only taken place mere hours ago. “You’ve led some of our people to their demise and your rushed decisions have resulted in a huge step back for the Horde. But the Rebellion has been forced to retreat as well, and even if this situation doesn’t get us closer to ruling over Etheria it does bring both sides to an even condition. A tie, if you must. We’re not the weaker force anymore and it’s time we take advantage of this” his eyes pierced through her as Hordak spoke his next words. “You stay deserving of my praise, this incident hasn’t changed that Catra.”

The thought of someone believing in her for once gave her strength, so as her childhood desires came true in an unexpected way Catra found herself growing more and more attached to Hordak and his extremist values and beliefs.

It took months for the catastrophe to desist, and even then it wasn’t until a year passed that anyone dared to even step foot outside of the Fright Zone.  
As the word was spread that the outside was safe again, the Horde started investigating the situation of the Rebellion; had they also found out it was safe to go out again? Were they still in hiding? Was anyone even still alive out there?  
Just like them, the princesses seemed to have noticed the sudden outburst of extreme weather conditions had ceased and were now focused on the same thing as the Horde: figuring out what to do next.  
The lands weren’t as fertile anymore, most of their animals died during the disaster, the food supplies had almost completely disappeared after a year of isolation forced them to make use of them, buildings had been reduced to ashes…

They needed to start from the beginning, but where was that beginning? Were both sides even on the same page?  
It’s not like they could just shake hands with the Rebellion and decide to put their conflict on pause until Etheria recovered. The mood was charged with tension and frustration from the members of the Horde, who expected answers from the people in charge; were the princesses going to attack? Were they themselves going to attack? Whose fault was this? What came next?

But, before they could come up with a response, the response came to them.

A message sent by Queen Angella, the immortal queen of Bright Moon and the leader of the Rebellion, summoned them in what now, since it’d been reduced to nothing but ashes, could only be considered neutral territory; the Whispering Woods.

As always Hordak knew about the message before you, even though the soldiers were instructed to contact Catra immediately after they received any notice from the outside. And as usual she just assumed it was due to Hordak’s little pet’s doing; that small winged creature that you eventually found out was his trusted spy, who didn’t seem to be able to speak but could apparently recreate sounds and conversations he’d heard down to using the participants’ voices. Now she understood why Shadow Weaver was so hostile towards it.

Of course, Catra expected Hordak to absolutely refuse to meet up with the queen or to use the opportunity to either attack them or get some extra information about their current situation. But he instead prompted her to go with him to said meeting, in peace, just to hear what they had to say.  
Knowing him this struck her as weird, but as blindly believing of him as always there was nothing left to do for her but follow his command and accompany him to their meeting.

Maybe if Catra knew she would be going too, she would’ve never even attended said meeting herself.

 

* * * * *

 

“I can’t do it.” 

She-Ra was almost convinced this was the one-hundredth time she’d repeated these words in the span of two hours.

“You don’t have a choice.”

She-Ra was also almost convinced that this was the one-hundredth time she’d gotten the same reply from Queen Angella herself.

The princesses –at least almost all of them-, Queen Angella, Bow and She-Ra were all reunited at Castle Bright Moon to discuss a very important matter; the future not only of the Rebellion but of all of Etheria itself.

It’d been more than a year after the big disaster the Rebellion collectively decided to name the Cataclysm, due to its impactful and intense nature, and once the word spread that the Horde was sending spies to check on their situation it became clear that they had to act before the evil organization got a chance to do something terrible again.

Because, even though no one truly knew why it happened or what caused the Cataclysm to take place, there was one thing for sure; it had to be the Horde’s doing.

Only they could be so rotted and hungry for power that they would risk destroying the whole planet if it meant there was a small chance they would achieve their goal. It made Adora sick to her stomach to think about the time when she was an accomplice to this, but beating herself up for mistakes that now belonged to the past didn’t stop her from feeling sad when thinking about the people still fighting in the Horde’s name because of the years of intense brainwashing she also had been subjected to herself. It made her feel sorry for them.

Especially for her.

As a pair of hands slammed into the table in front of them, the sound forcefully pushed Adora out of her thoughts to make way for She-Ra, who had no doubt in her mind that this was the right thing to do.

“You can’t make her, do this, Queen Angella," said the daughter of the queen herself, who still refused to call her ‘mom’ whenever she was reunited with them in official meetings like the one taking place. This made Adora somewhat uncomfortable after she’d seen the queen tuck Glimmer in bed when they were younger, but no comments were ever made about it. At least not to her face.

There were still traces of that little girl in the woman that now sat next to She-Ra at the table, Adora thought. Her hair was shorter than when she was younger, now reduced to a pink pixie cut that made the round features of her face pop even more. Her eyes still gleamed with determination and her brows and nose both furrowed the same way as always when she heard something she disagreed with.  
Relentless as always, Glimmer wasn’t going to let anyone force her friends to do anything they didn’t want to do, at least not without putting up a fight.

“Glimmer…” Bow almost whispered, reconciling as always and, for once, being more reasonable than a lot of people in the room. “Your mom… I mean, Queen Angella” he corrected himself immediately after seeing the expression in his childhood friend’s face change when he mentioned their kinship “is right. I don’t think She-Ra has a choice” he added, now timidly looking at the tall woman he was referring to.

Bow hadn’t changed that much either. His hair was still short on both sides of his head, but stood longer on the top. His tight curls softened the now sharper edges of his face; his cheekbones, his jawline… but the archer’s soft expression portrayed something completely different than what his now harsher features tried to convey. His slanted almond eyes were tender as always and still filled with compassion, which Adora was eternally grateful for. She didn’t know what she would’ve done for the past ten years if it wasn’t for the comfort she found in looking into those eyes.

“Besides, it’s not even that big of a deal, right?” That was Mermista’s voice, princess of Salineas, who still used the exact same tone as when she was 17 years old. Everyone thought she’d grow out of it. Sadly, everyone was wrong. “It’s not like you’d have to do anything with him, it’s just… paperwork.”

“Just paperwork?” Perfuma, princess of Plumeria, sounded almost offended by the words that just came out of the other princess. “That is so heartless of you to say… how would you feel if you were forced to marry and live with someone against your will?”

“Well…” Netossa chimed in. “She did marry that guy with the terrible mustache. I refuse to believe she would do such a thing willingly.” Her comment earned not only the mermaid’s scoff but also a small giggle from the purple haired woman sitting next to her who, as Mermista, wore a wedding ring on her right hand.

“Are we here to make jokes?” It was finally time for Frosta to bring order to the reunion, and as the twenty-one year old girl stood up to speak every other adult in the room turned to face her. “Or to settle an agreement?” Her cold blue eyes stared directly into She-Ra’s, who’s eight feet of height didn’t make her feel any braver when it came to facing the fiery princess of the Kingdom of Snows. “You must marry Hordak, leader of the Horde. Unless you can think of a good reason to avoid this path, it’s the only way to make sure they won’t attack us again now that we are weak, since their name has already been tarnished enough and they can’t allow their people to see them failing to their word again. They are evil, and so is their community, but if the people see them betraying someone they’ve made allies with, they won’t be able to put their trust in their leaders anymore. Hordak knows this.”

“They can’t refuse, because if they haven’t attacked yet it's because they also aren’t strong enough.” Queen Angella resumed where Frosta left off, standing up as the youngest princess sat down once more. “They need the time as much as we do, and they need their citizen’s trust as much as we do.” The tips of her long fingers were now rested on the table, and She-Ra couldn’t help but admire once more the grace with which the queen moved and spoke to refer to everyone in the room. “I understand I cannot force anyone to marry someone against their will.” The woman said, now turning to She-Ra. “But it can only be you.”

“But why her?” Glimmer added, still clouded with anger and powerlessness since, even though she was still fighting against her mother’s suggestion, she knew as well as She-Ra that this was the only way to obtain the peace their people so desperately needed. “Why not someone else? Maybe another princess. We need She-Ra here, fighting with us.” Her words expressed one thing, but the glance the woman sent towards her blonde friend said something completely different. The princess of power stared into those pink eyes that begged for her to stay, and tried, with no luck, to ignore their pleading.

“Yes, She-Ra is an amazing fighter” the Queen was still looking at the warrior and gesturing in her direction as she spoke again, diplomatic and formal as usual. “The best one we’ve ever had. Your years of practice have turned you into the most amazing soldier of our army, and I will be forever grateful to you for all you’ve done for my kingdom, my family, and our planet.” When the woman slightly tilted her head forward to bow, a feeling of uneasiness took over She-Ra, fully knowing she wasn’t deserving of the praise she’d received from such an amazing woman. “But this is precisely what made you the face of the Rebellion. You saved us in our times of need, and now the people at looking at you for answers. They trust and believe in you, so they will be pleased with anything that you do or say.”

With a movement of Queen Angella’s hand a hologram appeared in the middle of the table they were all sitting around, and everyone’s attention was immediately directed to it.  
There were a few scenarios being represented in the hologram; from people raising She-Ra sculptures to inquiring protests that had She-Ra’s name plastered on signboards all over them. There were even young children playing around in She-Ra costumes, but before the protagonist of these movements could appreciate the scene the hologram evaporated to make place for a new display; Etheria’s dreary current image.  
Seas with no water, forests with no trees, ice structures melting into nothingness… She-Ra felt a knot in her stomach and forced herself to swallow, making a noise that almost echoed in a now deadly silent room.

“As I said, I will be forever grateful for all you’ve done for us.” The Queen spoke to the hero once more, and this time when she repeated her petition no one dared to speak against her anymore. Not even Glimmer, who now quietly looked down at her own feet. “But I’m afraid I need to ask for a favor one last time. Will you come to terms with our request, or will you refuse to help in this time of need?”

A quick glance around the room let She-Ra know, even though she was being politely asked, Queen Angella and Bow were completely right.

She didn’t have a choice.


	2. The meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Rebellion and the Horde finally reunite for a meeting long overdue. Catra has no clue about the objective of said reunion, whereas She-Ra is dreadfully aware of its purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting a new chapter every Sunday at 5:30 (GMT+1), hope you enjoy!

“This is not going to end well.”

Catra kept looking over her shoulder back at the scenery behind them; the minuscule amount of trees that had survived –if you could call it that- the recent apocalypse now rested lifelessly on the grassless ground. She was as usual walking next to Hordak, a few steps ahead from Scorpia, Entrapta, and the rest of the Horde members that were instructed to join them to the reunion with the members of the Rebellion.

“Sceptical as always, I see” the man replied to her, both of his arms were hidden under his cape as he took long strides that forced everyone else to quicken their step.

“I’m just being realistic” defensive as always, the woman felt the need to express herself to her leader at least one more time in hopes he’d change his mind. “Trying to negotiate with the princesses is useless; they won’t accept anything we demand. They have their moral code stuck up their ass.”

The last comment earned a throaty laugh from Hordak.

“Careful, young one” he replied, and his words made Catra remember she had no clue how old the man was. “You underestimate the power of my persuasion techniques. I haven’t even shared with you what I have in mind thus far, but you’re quick to dismiss my efforts.”

“It’s not that” she replies with a long sigh. Once more she looks over her shoulder to see Scorpia leaning over Entrapta to watch what the shorter one’s doing on an electronic device she holds in her hands. “It’s just that you haven’t even told me why we’re meeting them or what for.”

“I have. Multiple times” the words Hordak used would’ve scared anyone off of pressing the matter, but not Catra.

“You’ve just told me that Queen Angella wants to negotiate a treaty.”

“And that’s the truth. Do you suggest I’m lying?” He still didn’t move his gaze to acknowledge her, his eyes fixated on the terrain in front of them.

“No. But that’s not the whole truth” Catra would rather have had her tongue sliced off for speaking out of place than stay silent. She had a hunch this was one of the reasons why Hordak liked her so much. “Is it?”

As the woman’s ears twitched in a questioning manner, the leader of the Horde smiled and shot her a glance from the corner of his eye that told her more than any words could have.  
But before she had the chance to state her discontent one more time, they arrived.

There was a very modest change in setting when they got to their meeting point; hence why it took a while for Catra to realize they had reached their meeting point.  
A long, soft pink carpet had been placed in the middle of the only completely open space they’d come across since they walked into the woods. Catra wondered for a moment if the lack of fallen trees was due to a mere coincidence or if the Rebellion had been planning to use the Whispering Woods as a middle ground for longer than they had anticipated.

On the opposite side of the carpet stood Queen Angella, holding her own hands at her stomach’s height. Next to her there was another woman with very similar features to her, but a completely different stance; her fists were closed tight and her arms were completely straight at both sides of her body. Where Queen Angella looked calm and collected, the black haired stranger looked like she was ready to attack at any given moment. 

Catra could see from her position, almost 20 feet away from her, how the Queen frowned and pursed her lips in what seemed to be a mix of anger and compliance.

“Good evening, Hordak.”

“Good evening. What a pleasant coincidence to find you here. Who would’ve thought?”

Catra smirked at her leader’s snarky remark. The Queen didn’t seem disturbed by it.

“I asked of you to come accompanied by one person only. You’ve brought an army.”

Hordak opened his arms in a condescending manner, a smug smile plastered on his face, and Catra already figured about the mental gymnastics he was about to put them all through just judging by his expression.

“I’m aware, Queen Angella” the man almost spat the woman’s title when speaking her name. “But, you see… when asking me to bring just one more person to our little meeting, I’m sure you already had your suspicions that I wouldn’t be stupid enough to come to you in such a vulnerable state” if this was true Angella’s expression didn’t reveal it; she looked stoic as ever. The eccentrically tall man started strolling from side to side as he spoke, not even acknowledging the Rebellion’s leader with his gaze.  
“So, this would suppose you’d bring a small troop of your own with you to ensure we’d be even in numbers. Which, even if I didn’t have the plan to dishonor your request in the first place, now leaves me with no choice but to bring a few of my subjects as well so our reunion would have at least a balanced number of members of each party” finally he stopped moving, looking up to focus his piercing stare on the woman he’d been speaking to. “Am I mistaken in my assumptions?”

The woods fell into complete silence as a million thoughts passed through the Queen’s mind. For a moment Catra was worried Hordak was wrong, since the expression on the woman’s face didn’t change at all for what felt like hours, but was probably only seconds.

Finally, she raised her hand, and the noise coming from the nearby trees confirmed Hordak’s hypothesis as a reality.

Catra glanced back one last time, scanning over what Hordak had referred to as ‘a few of my subjects’. And when he said a few, he meant a few. Aside from her, the man was only being accompanied by Scorpia, Entrapta, Kyle, Rogelio, Lonnie and five other soldiers from the Horde. If it had depended on her, Catra would’ve brought the whole army and finish this annoying situation once and for all.  
But then again, maybe that’s why she wasn’t the Horde’s leader.

Yet.

As she looked back at her companions, Scorpia dedicating her one of those warm smiles that made Catra get that annoying feeling in her stomach she hated so much, she could see everyone go from proudly staring ahead to sudden and collectively look at her, their eyes filled with discomfort and worry when just a moment ago they showed nothing but pride.  
Slightly perturbed by their reaction, Catra turned around to look for whatever had induced such terror on her colleagues.

And as a highly muscled, 8 feet tall, long haired version of the childhood friend she hadn’t seen in years appeared in front of her making the hairs on Catra’s back stand up, the brunette couldn’t help but stare at her, completely tense as memories that’d been painfully tainted with betrayal suddenly started flooding her mind like they had been doing every single night for the last ten years.

* * * * *

Nothing could’ve prepared Adora for that encounter. It didn’t matter Glimmer, Bow and the other princesses were there to support her. An overwhelming amount of feelings took over her, and Adora was sure if she hadn’t transformed into She-Ra she would’ve broke down crying.

Of course she had seen Catra a few times in the span of the last ten years, but during all of them they were both embroiled in intense fights that never allowed them to focus on just how real and bitter their situation was. They used to be so close.  
Closer than friends.  
Closer than best friends. 

They’d spent so many years fighting and trying to destroy one another that Catra and Adora never got the chance to see each other grow up. Yes Adora could tell her now enemy had grown taller, stronger, wilder. But now that only a few feet stood between them and they didn’t need to use the excuse of the war to seek one another, Adora realized just to what level the years had altered Catra’s appearance.

She never stood out because of her strength; Catra was known for her remarkably impressive agility and used to be better at escaping completely untouched from a fight than at winning one. But staring at the eye-catching way Catra’s sleeves hugged her now strong and refined arms, Adora wondered if she was the responsible for such a change.

Blue and yellow eyes pierced through her, making She-Ra swallow in a useless attempt to maintain an unperturbed façade that threatened to betray her in any second. Catra was the first one to look away, which revealed her emotions weren’t completely unrelated to Adora’s. This made the blonde feel better, in some twisted, terrible way.

A big scar now crossed her former friend’s face, traveling from just under her eye to her lower lip. It broke Adora’s heart to know that this wasn’t the only damage she had direct or indirectly lead to on Catra’s body, since she was certain under her Horde uniform her body was probably covered on scars just like that one if not even worse.

“Well” Hordak was the one to break the silence, speaking in a condescending tone of voice that Adora had come to realize didn’t differ from his usual one. “What a pleasant surprise. Now that all our cards are laid out, why don’t we start this cursed meeting once and for all?”

Angella seemed taken aback by how quick the events had transpired, but she clearly tried her best to not show it. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Hordak started walking in her direction, which made everyone on the Rebellion side suddenly stand straight in alert.

Only when he stood mere steps away from the Queen did the black haired woman standing next to her stop him, taking a step to stand between them and pointing at him with her hand, which was now covered by a beam of light that made everyone identify her as a sorcerer immediately.

“I would be careful if I were you” was all she said. Her comment succesfully made Hordak stop walking.

“Castaspella…” Was all Queen Angella could say before the leader of the Horde moved his hand and, just with this simple movement and without even touching her, twisted the sorcerer’s arm backwards and force her to kneel on the ground as a surprised gasp escaped her lips. Aside from a light coming from a mechanical device attached to his arm there was nothing to let them know how he was capable of doing such a thing. It was obvious the Horde hadn't been wasting their time in the last few years, and Entrapta's presence within the organization had helped them advance in the technological field.

She-Ra instinctively brought her hand to her back and drew her sword, holding onto it so tight that she could feel her knuckles turn white from the pressure. The warrior was mere seconds away from jumping into fight when the Queen put her hand up and signaled for them to stay put.  
She could hear her swallow from the distance, and silently admired her strong will. Adora wasn’t sure she would be able to keep calm if someone did to one of her friends what Hordak was now doing to Angella’s sister-in-law.

“Release her right this instant” when the woman spoke her voice tone wasn’t threatening as much as it was adamant. “We’ve come here in peace; such intimidating behavior will not be tolerated. Or is the Horde too barbaric and brutish to stand still for more than two minutes without trying to break into a fight?”

All eyes moved from the Queen, to Castaspella, to Hordak, until the latter finally decided to release the sorceress, who fell to the ground with a grunt but immediately stood back up with a prideful stance.

“My side will not tolerate any threats either, Queen Angella” even if he tried to maintain a neutral voice tone, She-Ra swore her leader’s statement had managed to anger him. “You can let your guard down, your highness” he added almost teasingly as he brought a hand to his chest, his expression as serious as always. “I give you my word that my subjects have orders to not attack unless provoked to do so.”

She-Ra’s blood boiled hearing how he referred to his people as ‘subjects’. Adora’s blood boiled when she realized this applied to Catra too.

“And what is a lying man’s word worth?” The Queen replied, a snarky remark that surprised She-Ra. “Why should I believe you?”

Hordak smirked for just a second, before removing all emotion from his face once more.

“You don’t have a choice. Either you trust me and we start this discussion as soon as possible, or I won’t be wasting another second of my time conversing with you. As delightful as your company is, I have more important matters to attend to.”

The realization hit She-Ra at that moment that trusting an organization as evil and based on hatred as the Horde was the only way to find peace. Not only did they have to work together, they have to genuinely believe in each other and trust that neither part would take the slightest change to stab the other in the back. Having been a part of the Horde for many years made this incredibly hard for Adora.

She-Ra could only think about the fact that she had to marry the man in front of them in a matter of days, and how sick this made her to her stomach. For a second, she felt like she would puke. She forced herself to swallow to keep the urge at bay.

“Alright” the Queen finally started since everyone else in the reunion site kept silent, following the woman’s rules. Her accent seemed to accentuate as her levels of patience decreased. “Let’s skip the conventionalities.”

Before Queen Angella turned around to gesture in her direction, She-Ra already knew what was coming. The elegant woman straightened her arm towards her, a compassionate expression on her face. She acted cold and distant in front of Hordak, and for good reason, but as She-Ra stared into her eyes she saw the sadness and aggravation having to do this brought her.  
This selfishly made Adora feel better.

Only when she was about to take a step forward did the warrior realize she’d be holding both of her best friend’s hand during the last few moments of the discussion. As she gave Bow and Glimmer’s hands a firm squeezing to try and convey to them a security she wasn’t even feeling herself finally She-Ra let go of them, stepped towards the Queen, and accepted her hand instead.

“As I mentioned in my letter” she immediately began, holding She-Ra’s hand at her chest’s height. Adora couldn’t focus on her words though; she was too concentrated trying to keep her eyes on Hordak instead of giving in to her desire to look at Catra from a closer perspective. “Both the Horde and the Rebellion are in dire need of a truce” for a quick second she dared to steal a glance in her direction, and saw the woman with her arms crossed and tightly pressed to her chest, her back towards Hordak and looking in the contrary direction from them. She-Ra’s eyes suddenly started to burn.  
“We are allowing our best warrior, She-Ra, not only the princess of power but also the face of our movement, to step down and show fellowship towards the Horde as a way of proving we will not betray our part of the contract.”

After this, the Queen let go of She-Ra’s hand, and Adora felt she would fall to the ground at any moment without her support. Thanks to She-Ra, she instead just raised her chin and pulled her shoulders back even further in a proud position. This time it was Catra that stole a glance in her direction.

Hordak kept quiet, and warning sirens started going off on Adora’s head. She could tell the man was planning something.

“Of course we will need something in return” the Queen continued after a moment of complete silence. “So I’m left to assume, since you agreed to my request for this assembly with such short notice, you must be compliant with my proposal for a nuptial pledge between you and my warrior?”

“Wait” Catra was, aside from Queen Angella and Hordak, the only person who dared to speak in such an intense moment. Every single pair of eyes in the reunion was immediately directed to her, as she now turned around to face her leader. “A wedding?” She then turned her head to stare at She-Ra back for the first time since they arrived, a smirk on her face. “You and her?”

And then she laughed.

She laughed as everyone in the Rebellion stared at one another in terror. Adora saw from where she was standing how her ex-teammates swallowed and looked at each other as well, but no one else in the Horde seemed to react, all standing still weapon on hand, quiet and impassive as robots.

“And what is so funny, if I may ask” the Queen asked, choosing to forget to add a questioning tone to her inquiry.

“He’s not going to marry her” the woman added, now looking at Queen Angella like she was explaining a joke to her. Now, her eyes moved to She-Ra to stare at her up and down in what the blonde identified as pure disgust, ears moving back in a defensive manner. “How dare you compare a traitor and a muscle-head like her to Hordak?” 

Those words made Adora want to cry, but they only made She-Ra stand even taller, her fists clenched so hard she could feel her own nails digging in the palm of her hands.

“What did she just say?” Glimmer started, and She-Ra could hear the tinkling sound of her magic activating behind her. She trusted Bow would stop her before she could do something stupid, since turning around would show the Horde she was in a position of disconcert that She-Ra wasn’t planning on letting them revel in.

“What a meaningless, foolish way to intervene” Frosta’s voice articulated loud and clear, and She-Ra recognized the voice of the other princesses assenting to her statement with their own.

“Members of the Rebellion talking about foolishness” Lonnie said loud enough for everyone to hear. Her eyes stayed on She-Ra as she spoke. “Don’t make me laugh.”

This immediately set off a series of babbling back and forth between both sides. Everyone was throwing very pointed words at each other, finally unleashing an anger that had clearly been contained for too long.  
Queen Angella opened her mouth to talk again, Hordak choosing to stay silent as he stared at her with a look that said ‘I knew this would happen’. But before the Queen could speak, She-Ra took a step forward and raised her hand mid air to catch everyone’s attention, and they slowly fell silent after realizing she was about to speak.

Taking her time to look at every single one of the soldiers that she’d once shared meals and friendly conversations with, the woman finally started.

“I understand how hard this must be for you all” Catra scoffed, but She-Ra didn’t react to her taunt. “You see me as a traitor. A foe to your cause. An adversary to crush. And that’s okay, because I am all of those things.” She-Ra brought the hand she’d been holding up to her chest in a heartfelt manner. “I am a traitor to your movement. My beliefs go against everything you fight for. You will most definitely have to overcome me if you want me to stop fighting against you. I feel the exact same way towards the Horde. And no one is calling for us to resolve this, because the Rebellion will definitely not surrender. Not now, not ever.”

Finally, after fighting so hard against the urge, She-Ra gave in and stared at an absolutely enraged Catra, who just stared back at her with a frown.

“But we must work together at least for a number of years if we intend for the sheer existence of Etheria to outlive a situation that, let me remind you, was brought on to us by all of you” She-Ra looked away from Catra at that moment, unable to face her any longer if she planned on maintaining her composure. “I will show not only our people, but also yours, that I’m willing to step away from the battlefield and show compliance to you. I see only fit you do the same, and this is the most ideal way to do so. Both sides will get some time to pull through this terrible situation, and we can go back to our old ways. But right now, if you want to survive, you don’t have a choice.”

This completely shut Catra’s mouth, who suddenly seemed unable to do anything that wasn’t stare at the blonde tall woman in front of her with her lips tightly pressed together and her arms crossed at her chest’s height.

“A moving speech, I must say” Hordak said when he finally deemed them worthy of hearing his input on the situation. It enraged Adora to see him place his hand on Catra’s shoulder, and he was perfectly aware of this. “Especially coming from someone who betrayed her life-long teammates with such ease at a very young age. Quite twisted, wouldn’t you say?” He asked, tilting his head in Catra’s direction as he put pressure on her shoulder with his thumb. The brunette managed to peel her eyes off of She-Ra to look down at Hordak’s feet in complete silence. This seemed to satisfy him, as he now looked back at She-Ra and let go of his subject. “I’m so amazed by the way you have with people, I’m sure I would’ve given in to your request if it weren’t because I already have something else in mind. I’m not too keen on last minute changes, so I hope that’s okay.”

There was nothing she hated more than his false modesty. Of course no one would dare go against the wishes of a man as terrifying as Hordak.

“If you weren’t in accordance with my proposal, why would you waste all of our time by attending this reunion?” Queen Angella clearly couldn’t help but interfere, walking towards Hordak and stopping just a couple steps away from him.

This got Catra on guard, slightly flexing her knees and drawing ten long, pointy nails that had left more than one scare on She-Ra’s body, as she stared at a completely unfazed Angella. Her ears had moved back and the hair on her tail ruffled in an aggressive display.  
Immediately, reacting almost as fast as Catra had, She-Ra traced an invisible line in the air with her sword as she brought it between Catra and Angella and instantly adopted a more dynamic position that would allow her to attack at any given moment.

Neither of them seemed surprised or offended in the very least. Catra and She-Ra had already danced this dance many times before, and sometimes Adora felt she subconsciously craved this just to have an excuse to get closer to her. It made her miserable to her core to know that this was the only way she had to do that anymore.

Even as Hordak put his hand on top of her head in a silent petition to step back, all Catra did was stand straight once more without putting away her nails at any moment. She-Ra’s eyes felt irritated as she refused to blink and break the intense eye contact they were sharing, but she also agreed to adopt a more relaxed position while keeping her sword in the way of any possible contact between Catra and the Queen.

“I wouldn’t have enjoyed our back and forth as much if it weren’t on person, your majesty” Hordak’s ironic niceties were getting too old for She-Ra, and for a moment she was a little too close to rolling her eyes in his direction. “But you will be pleased to know I have a solution for our little predicament.”

“Please” Queen Angella almost immediately replied, clearly as tired of his games as She-Ra was. “Enlighten me.”

Hordak seemed pleased enough with her response to comply.

“As my… fierce appointee here has mentioned, it feels clearly unfair that you would ask of me to step down as the leader of the Horde to show my compliance, when the Rebellion will keep its captain intact as one of their warrior assumes what clearly should be her position. I’m aware of She-Ra’s influence and how much her submission shows to both sides, but if Queen Angella herself isn’t willing to…”

“Will you please cut to the point?” The Queen’s sister, Castaspella, had finally had enough of Hordak’s chatter, and clearly unperturbed by his previous show of power, stated what everyone in the reunion was thinking.

He looked at her, his expression completely neutral, before restarting a new sentence.

“I will not marry this kid” Adora felt offended. She-Ra wasn’t concerned in the slightest about his words. “I must lead my people, leaving the Horde leader-less would give you the perfect opportunity to attack and I do not trust you.”

“In that case, what do you suggest we do?” Queen Angella asked, intertwining her fingers at her stomach’s height.

“Very simple. We’ll trade something equal” Hordak raised his hand to point at She-Ra, looking at her with something in his eyes she could only describe as pure perversion.

After saying this he put his hand on Catra’s shoulder, making her slightly bounce on her place out of surprise, since she’d been so concentrated in her silent glare fight against She-Ra.

As the other was pushed in her direction, She-Ra couldn’t do anything but move her sword out of the way and put her hand between them in an attempt to hold Catra’s arm and keep her from falling. It was amazing that she still had that instinct to help her ex teammate after they’d tried to plainly kill each other so many times in the past.

“Your best warrior…” 

As soon as she was steady on her feet, Catra slipped away from her grasp and showed She-Ra her fangs in a menacing way. It took them both a little longer than it should have to understand what the man was talking about, but as soon as they did their little feud ceased and they turned to face Hordak with eyes wide as plates.

“…for mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the reading, if you did be sure to leave some kudos and drop a comment!


	3. Retrospective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Adora and Catra's past relationship and a heartfelt goodbye.

\- 11 YEARS BEFORE -

With her eyes still glued together Adora woke up with a yawn, reaching out with her right arm to turn off the same annoying alarm that blared in her room every single day at 7AM, driving her to let out a long exasperated sigh.

As every morning she reached out with her legs in a futile attempt to wake Catra up, who always slept curled up at her feet. Usually all her friend did was let out a groan and get back to sleep in a different position, out of reach from her.  
But not that day.

As she stretched out in bed Adora realized there was no one at her feet and, confused, sat up to look down at the spot Catra usually occupied. As she expected the girl was nowhere to be found, and looking around the room Adora could see everyone was still sleeping. Nothing out of the usual in that; she was always the first one to wake up and the last one to go to bed every single day.

What struck Adora as weird is that Catra had managed to wake up before her. And not only that, but the fact that she didn’t even try to wake her too to go with her to do whatever it is that was so urgent that she had to get up even earlier that her friend is not only worrying, but it also made Adora feel a sudden twinge of hurt that she didn’t completely understand at that moment. 

All Adora could do once she recovered from the confusion was pull off the sheets that covered her and sit up, placing a hand on the empty spot where her best friend usually spent her nights. It was still slightly warm and aside from the part she altered with the movement of her legs Adora could still recognize the round shape of Catra’s sleeping body engraved on the sheets.

She quickly decided that sitting on the bed with her eyes only half open and most of her hair covering her face wouldn’t help her get any closer to discovering something about Catra’s whereabouts, so finally Adora stood up, grabbed her every day uniform and headed to the bathroom. She tried to make as little noise as possible, since her colleagues had already complained to her in the past about her routine of waking up early and bothering everyone that was still sleeping in the process.  
Adora didn’t bother changing her habit at first, since everyone should be waking up at 7AM regardless of their preferences, but after being attacked by flying pillows and pretty hurtful words for more than four mornings in a row she’d decided it would be better to take a different and more compliant approach to the problem.

So every morning after she woke up (and after a usually futile try to get Catra to come with her), Adora grabbed her stuff and went to the nearest bathroom to shower, put on her clothes and continued her morning ritual out of the room she shared with everyone else.

And that’s what she did; she headed to the bathroom, undressed and took a shower. Adora had had more than enough time to theorize about where Catra might be, and in her usual line of over thinking she ended up stressing herself out and wondering if something bad had happened to her. It would the only reason that explained why she would wake up so early when usually Adora had to spray her with water in order to get Catra to pay attention to her at any time earlier than 11AM.

Now cold, wet, and extremely worried she got out of the shower and got dressed a little too quick, making the clothes stick to her body in a terribly uncomfortable way. She knew she was going to end up smelling terrible later, but that was a problem for future Adora. For now she put her still soaking wet hair up in a ponytail and got out of the bathroom while still buttoning her uniform’s jacket. 

The first place she checked was, of course, the cafeteria. If Catra had gone out willingly, that had to be where she was headed. Hunger would be the only motivation strong enough to get her to get up early and on her own.

Despite how sure Adora was of her assumption, after a thorough examination of the room she couldn’t find her friend anywhere, and her mind instantly started to come up with even scarier scenarios. What if she had gotten into trouble? Without her there to ease Shadow Weaver’s anger, Adora was certain Catra would easily manage to get on her nerves and put herself in a terrible situation.

She was walking around the headquarters of the Horde, moving from one room to another trying to be as silent as possible, too concentrated thinking about Catra to notice that she was now walking past… that room.

A noise behind her, probably coming from the guards designated to protect the Black Garret room, made Adora turn around. But before she could even catch a glimpse of the people coming her way or come up with an excuse as to why she was there knowing that she was forbidden from entering Shadow Weaver’s most important and private room, something covered her mouth and pulled Adora away from the corridor and into said room too fast for her to react on time.

She opened her eyes wide as she was dragged into the room, her first instinct being trying to bite her captor’s hand. When she manage to do so Adora could hear a very familiar ‘hiss’ coming from behind her as the hand that was covering her mouth moved away, but once again before she could say anything the cadet feel her friend turn her around and practically slam her back to the wall behind her. 

Adora instinctively let out a gasp but once again her mouth was covered by the same hand as before, as she was now faced by Catra’s annoyed expression. She was extremely close to her, pinning the blonde’s body into place with hers and using her free hand to bring a finger to her lips trying to get her to stop making noise. Once Adora’s facial expression seemed to relax a bit, her friend finally stopped putting so much pressure with her hand on top of her mouth, still not moving it away completely.

Her ears twitched for a moment like they did every time she was trying to concentrate into something, and her eyes stayed fixated on Adora’s from a close distance. The blonde tried to listen to the guards’ footsteps as well, but the sound of her heartbeat was so loud for a moment she was afraid even Catra would be able to hear it.

She could feel Catra’s legs pressed into hers as she held her captive, and the tips of her fingernails digging into the skin of her cheek. Her yellow and blue eyes were open wide and the corners of her lips curved upwards; she was clearly excited to be in this position, whereas Adora was absolutely terrified that she would get caught and her immaculate record would be stained by the stupid situation she had put herself into.

She didn’t know what was making her so nervous; it wasn’t the first time Catra got her into trouble and it was certainly not going to be the last time she had to get the two of them out of it. But no matter what she tried Adora couldn’t manage to still her breathing or control the heat now spreading through her cheeks, which she was sure were incredibly red at that point.

Luckily Catra was staring past her as she listened close and once she decided it was safe to do so she moved her hand away from Adora’s face to look at it with a frown, always keeping a smile on her face.  
“Jeez, that hurt Dora.” She complained, taking a step away from her and finally allowing the blonde to take a deep breath. She licked her lips and swallowed, incredibly tense, fanning her face for a moment but stopping immediately when her friend looked up at her once more.

“Well, what did you expect?” Adora defended herself without bothering to comment anything about that awful nickname Catra had just come up with, pulling down the edges of her jacket to smooth it out to no avail. “You scared me Catra, what are you even doing here? You know what’s in here, if someone sees us they’ll…”

“Yeah, yeah.” The brunette waved her hand in front of her face, dismissing everything Adora just said with that gesture. The other frowned and pursed her lips in disapproval, but stayed silent. “If I wanted to get lectured I would’ve asked you to come with, Adora. Just relax for a moment since you’re already here.”

She could see the girl lick the mark her teeth had left on her hand when she bit her before she turned around, as she does with all of her wounds. With a sigh, Adora decided to follow her as soon as she started walking into the room.

“Well why did you come here anyway? There’s nothing to do here.” She looked back over her shoulder, rubbing her own arm in a nervous tick she’d developed with the years. “Besides, you know Shadow Weaver would instantly kill us if she saw is walking anywhere near the runestone.”

Catra let out one of her throaty laughs at that, and kept walking.

“Kill us? Don’t you mean kill me?”

Adora frowned, not where that comment came from. But Catra reached the corridor that lead to the Black Garret before she could ask anything, so the blonde finds herself forced to run in front of her and block her way, her arms stretched at both sides of her body.

“Catra, no. We can’t.”

In response to her plea Catra simply gave her friend a wicked half smile, and instantly that made her feel the same heat as before rush up to her face.

Adora woke up extremely early every morning. She practiced by herself before group practice. She was the strongest, most diligent, and most experienced member of their party.

But still, Catra was always faster than her.

Before she could do anything, Adora’s best friend let out a playful sort of growl and slid under her arm and into the room. She turned around immediately, groaning in frustration as she run after her. Catra’s laughter filled the room as she glanced back at the blonde over her shoulder a couple times to make sure she was still chasing her, and inevitably Adora eventually started laughing along.

As she chased after Catra, Adora realized there was something reminiscent of the days they used to spend together there when they were little in that situation; running around and screaming without a care in the world. That moment reminded Adora of the kind of happy memories she so desperately wanted to relive, that’s why when Catra slowed down so she could take turn to the left the blonde was too distracted to notice, her body slamming into the feline looking girl sending both of them rolling on the floor.

When she eventually stopped rolling, all Adora could do was keep laughing and lay on her side on the floor. She grabbed at her left shoulder when she feel it sting, probably having hurt it during the impact. When she finally managed to open her eyes, she could see Catra laughing as well right next to her as she lay on her back with a hand on her stomach.  
Eventually Adora stopped laughing, her eyes fixated on her friend, and as her lips slowly curled into a smile she realized just how incredibly happy it made her to see Catra laughing. For a moment she could swear she felt her heart physically fill with joy at the sight of her friend, who was still wearing that smile that made Adora feel at home.

Once again startling her with her usual stealthiness, Catra suddenly jumped on top of Adora to straddle her lap, using her hands to pin both of the blonde’s to the floor.

“What are you staring at?” She demanded with a grin that exposed the top row of her teeth where two sharp fangs protruded.

“Nothing” Adora immediately became defensive, struggling under the weight of the other’s body to try and set herself free from her grasp. “We need to get out now that we still haven’t gotten caught, I’m serious…”

“Not until you tell me what you were looking at” Catra’s mane grazed Adora’s face, making her blow the hairs away in an attempt to get them away from her mouth and eyes. She knew Catra didn’t really care about what she was looking at; she simply enjoyed messing with her. And she probably just didn’t want the fun to end just yet.  
Secretly, Adora didn’t want it to end either.

Instead of answering, Adora decided to wrestle her way out of the situation. Catra may be faster, but she was way better in combat than her. This was only fair keeping in mind that the hours she dedicated to training Catra dedicated to sleeping and joining missions in the last minute to get her moment of glory by doing the least work possible. Adora almost admired her friend’s ability to do so little and get so much in return.

With a swift movement of her legs Adora managed to put her feet on Catra’s hips and push her to the side until she was the one on her back, jumping immediately to grab her friend’s wrists and pin her in place as they switched positions. Adora then smiled wide, visibly proud of how easy it had been for her to take over Catra. Even now, as the other struggled under her weight, Adora’s knowledge of one on one combat made it impossible for her to escape. 

“Who’s looking at what now?” The blonde spat out the words before realizing how little sense they made. At least it made Catra let out one of those raspy laughs Adora loved so much, so she supposed the embarrassment was worth it.

Eventually Catra stopped resisting and relaxed her body, letting out a long sigh that Adora assumed was a technique to make her believe she had given up. They’d spent too many years for her to fall for that trick to, so she still didn’t let go of her wrists and her knees stayed pressed at both sides of Catra’s body to keep her from fleeing.

As her expression started to relax the brunette’s lips curled into a peaceful and compliant smile, which was very, very uncommon for her. Adora frowned, confused, looking at her friend as she silently stared at her.

“What are you looking at?” She mimicked the other’s words from earlier.

“I just realized how pretty you look with your hair wet.”

Almost on cue with her words, a drop of water fell from Adora’s hair right next to Catra’s face and into her hair.  
The blonde swallowed in silence, clearly taken by surprise by the other’s words. A million thoughts crossed her mind; was it just a meaningless comment? Was Catra confessing to something Adora had spent years wondering about?  
What was she supposed to say… or do?

As always Adora spent so much time considering what to do next that she lost her chance to do anything at all.  
Confused by her friend’s words, Adora had unconsciously started to let go of her wrists and ease the pressure she was putting with her legs on both sides of Catra’s. Her friend took the opportunity to slip her hands out of her grasp and roll to the side, immediately standing up. All Adora could do is use her hands to keep her face from hitting the ground, and as the initial shock passed she turned her head to look at Catra with her mouth still open. She was already walking towards the exit with both hands resting on the back of her neck.

“You’re an ass” is all Adora said, turning around to sit on the floor and dust off her pants.

“And you’re too slow” her friend responded, stopping for a moment to look at her and gesture with her head, a wide smile plastered on her face. “Are you coming or do you prefer to wait until Shadow Weaver gets here?”

As she got up to follow her, laughing and running once again, Adora was completely oblivious to the fact that she would be left wanting to ask if Catra really meant what she said for the rest of her life.

 

***  
In the Horde, there wasn’t such thing as weddings.

People didn’t get married, for that would suppose not only that they loved each other, but that they wanted to hold a gathering with their loved ones to celebrate their union.

In the Horde, there wasn’t such thing as loved ones.

There were people you worked with, people you worked for, and people that worked for you. Yes, Adora could remember Kyle and Rogelio had a more than intimate relationship. It was easy to see they cared for each other, more than regular friends did, but they never learned about that kind of relationships in the Horde.  
Caring about others was seen as a weakness rather than something to be proud of, and even though they wouldn't punish you for your feelings (although they would've if they had figured out how) it was heavily implied that you were supposed to hide anything regarding that matter from everyone else.

So when Adora first learned about weddings during a conversation with Glimmer and the Queen, the mere concept was ridiculous to even think about. Two people falling in love and coming together to celebrate their union, gathering everyone they cared about to witness it? Who had time for that? Even after having it explained to her, she knew marriage was not for her; she would much rather get her hands dirty in the battleground than put on a dress and walk on rose petals just to prove that she loved someone. There were better ways to do that.

Still, the thought of being able to love somebody so proud and openly did have its charm. Not worrying about how much affection you could show in public, not having to think twice before speaking about how you feel. Restricting that kind of feelings was something that you simply had to accept when you were a part of the Horde. It wasn’t so hard when you had nothing to compare it to, but realizing that she was now living in a world where those concepts were completely turned upside down made Adora wonder how she could’ve lived so carelessly in such a horrible place for that long without questioning anything.

“How is the bride- ouch!”

Bow’s voice brought She-Ra back to reality. She’d spent so long staring at herself in the mirror she’d almost forgotten who that person looking back at her was. This wasn’t uncommon for Adora as of lately; being forced to turn into She-Ra so often for such long periods of time had started to affect her psyche. Not that she would say it out loud and bother anyone else with her problems; the members of the Rebellion already had enough on their plate without having to deal with Adora’s identity crisis. She’d get over it eventually. She always did.

“I told you not to say that, it’s not funny” Glimmer grumbled, and as She-Ra stared at their reflection behind her in the mirror, she saw Bow rub her arm where his friend had probably just hit him. The pink haired girl then ripped her eyes off of him to look at her, and her gaze immediately went from scolding to compassionate. “Adora… Are you okay?”

Of course she wasn’t okay. She wanted to dig her sword so far into the ground she’d make a tunnel to the center of the planet so she could live there where no one would ever bother her again.

The blonde turned around, standing proud and tall as always, and gave Glimmer a reassuring smile.

“Of course I’m okay” She-Ra replied, bringing a hand to her head to fix her tiara. Not that it needed fixing, but Adora felt the need to keep her hands occupied whenever she was nervous. “Don’t worry about me, guys.”

“Look at her, she’s asking us not to worry about her even now” Bow was on the verge of tears, and even though this would probably make anyone feel bad, it only made She-Ra let out a small laugh. She’d known the man for long enough to realize his sudden displays of emotion came just as fast as they went. “And she’s even laughing. I admire you so much.”

“There’s nothing to admire” Bow opened his mouth, presumably to make another comment about how selfless Adora was, but before he could do so She-Ra raised her hand in anticipation and spoke again. “Guys. Really, it’s fine. I just want to get this over with.”

“Oh, this is so far from fine” Glimmer crossed the few steps that separated her from her now eight feet tall friend, and started fidgeting to fix the golden belt that was wrapped around her waist. “Not only do you have to get married to that terrible and evil woman that’s so intent in destroying not only us in general, but you in particular; you also have to leave us for six months and live with the people of the Horde?” She shook her head, frowning, and for a moment She-Ra thought she might suffocate her judging by how much she was tightening her belt. “It’s ridiculous.”

Even after all these years, the way Glimmer spoke about Catra made Adora incredibly angry. She hated herself for it and chose to pretend it wasn't real.

“It’s not like we have a choice Glimmer” Bow added, walking to the left side of the room to get a pair of earrings that the Queen had insisted She-Ra should wear for her ceremony. Apparently it was tradition in their family to lend a piece of jewellery to their children when they got married, and as Adora didn’t have a mother at all the Queen decided to take it upon herself to assume her position in this situation, probably driven by the guilt she felt for making She-Ra take part on the marriage. “Besides, we can visit her” he immediately seemed unhappy with his own offer. “Or even better, she can visit us.”

“That’s easy for you to say” finally her belt had been set on place and Glimmer didn’t feel the need to keep cinching her waist any longer, which She-Ra appreciated. “You’re not the one getting married.”

Bow gave the warrior a look that said ‘this is the thirteenth time I’ve had to hear this in the last hour’, and started putting on her earrings (a pair of gold crystal tear drops that had to be clasped to hear ears, since Adora had never gotten her ears pierced).  
She-Ra laughed, probably out of pure stress, shocking her friends who exchanged confused looks. 

Still aware of the terrible situation she was in, their friendly argument managed to cheer up Adora as it reminded her of simpler times when she could just watch Glimmer’s strong and overwhelming temper reduce Bow’s arguments to dust.  
And it was obvious her friends felt the same way; once the initial shock of seeing She-Ra laugh while involved in such a twisted situation passed, they let out a couple chuckles of their own.

Bow threw one arm across Glimmer’s shoulders and another one behind She-Ra’s back to bring them both in for a hug, a once very usual practice for them but one they hadn’t had the chance to partake in for a very long time. Adora didn’t hesitate to embrace her friends back, perfectly aware that this could easily be the last time in at least six months she would be able to do so freely.

Tears burned Adora’s eyes, but as always She-Ra didn’t let them spill.

She had to be the first one to release Glimmer and Bow from their group hug, and after reluctantly doing so she could see they didn’t do such a good job of concealing their feelings. Bow’s cheeks were wet with tears and Glimmer felt the need to look away from them before sniffling, as if she could conceal her emotions from the two people she’d shared her life with for the past ten years.

“I, uh” She-Ra started, preparing herself for the train wreck of a emotional speech she was about to deliver. “I wanted to thank you guys. For being there for me” she placed her hands on both of their arms, grimacing as if it physically hurt her to talk about her feelings. Which in perspective wasn’t too far off from reality. “I didn’t deserve your-“

“Enough with the deserving bull- stuff!” Glimmer almost squealed, catching She-Ra and Bow off guard. “You deserve every single good thing that’s happened to you Adora” the pink haired girl grabbed her hand with both of hers and held it close to her own chest. “We’ve asked so much of you already, but still, look at what you’re doing for us. You’re sacrificing your life to save us.”

“It’s the last I can do” She-Ra replied, for a moment unable to contain the emotion in her voice. Her eyes traveled from Glimmer to Bow and then back to the girl. “You saved me,” the words burned on her throat, which felt tighter with each sentence “this is no sacrifice compared to that.” Her body bent down almost on its own, getting her face closer to Glimmer as if this would help her convey just how sincere her feelings were.

“Just because it’s not happening on the battlefield it doesn’t mean it’s less important” Bow joined the conversation, grabbing She-Ra's free hand with his as he gave her one of his warm, reassuring smiles. “This is way more impressive than anything you’ve done for us, and I’ve seen you punch a guy so hard you buried him knees deep into the ground.”

This got them to laugh again.

Sadly the dreamy scene was soon interrupted by the noise of the door opening, which made the three of them turn around to face Queen Angella as she stood at the end of the hallway that led to the room. Her eyes quickly scanned over them, and she acknowledged her daughter and her friend’s presence by gently bowing her head.

Then her eyes traveled to She-Ra, looking into hers with a mix of understanding and compassion that did nothing to calm the blonde’s nerves.

“Are you ready?”

She-Ra turned around at that dreaded statement to face the mirror once again. Her reflection showed a beautiful woman wearing a long, white, tailored jumpsuit with a cape. The upper half had a tuxedo-inspired cut, and the cape that covered her back had open slits at both sides of her body to poke her arms through. The long fabric grazed the floor behind her and the gold belt that slightly cinched her waist was garnished with a flower looking emblem very similar to the one placed on the chest of her conventional She-Ra uniform.  
Aside from that she wore very little jewellery; only what was pertinent for the occasion. She-Ra’s hand traveled up to the earrings she was required to borrow from the Queen, and the woman in the mirror mimicked her movements. Something tore inside her at the thought of a woman she’d never even met before, and as she did with most of her feelings Adora tried her best to ignore the pain.

“I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! Don't forget to leave kudos and a comment if you did!


	4. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hordak reveals to Catra the role she has in his plan and the ceremony finally takes place.

When Hordak entered the room of the Castle Bright Moon his second-in-command was instructed to wait in, he was immediately faced by an absolute wreck. 

A shelf had been tipped over, a vase laid broken on the floor, and the only full body mirror in the room was covered in scratches right at the height Catra’s face would be in if she were to stand in front of it.

Speaking of which; the next think Hordak’s eyes focused on after taking in the mess that had just been presented in front of him was the image of Catra herself, who sat on the floor in one of the corners of the room facing the wall. She hadn’t turned her head to look at him, but by the movement of her ears Hordak knew she was aware of his presence.

“It’s time.”

For a moment, she didn’t move. The leader of the Horde had come to expect these outbursts of emotion from the woman; it’s like she was unable to express herself in any way that wasn’t through physical destruction. Thankfully this time the destructive energy was focused towards something other than herself.

Hordak knew all he had to do was wait. Catra wouldn’t dare disrespect him by ignoring his command, which was one of the reasons why he put so much trust in her. All he had to do was give her the illusion of free will and make her believe he had faith in her, and Catra would be more than eager to risk her life for him if it came down to that.

Taking advantage of the weak of mind was incredibly easy, and Hordak knew the techniques to do so better than anyone else. Not to mention he didn’t suffer from the remorse that would normally come from doing so.

Finally she decided to give in and stand up, turning around to face her leader with a detached expression that contradicted the wetness of her cheeks. Hordak didn’t mention anything about it.  
He couldn’t care less.

“I don’t want to do this” it wasn’t very clear what Catra’s intentions were with that comment. It didn’t sound threatening, or even sad. Just… resigned.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, child” the man had walked into the room and approached a tuxedo jacket that lay forgotten on the floor, dusting it off with his hand.

He then approached Catra, holding the jacket and stopping just a couple steps away from her. Even though he’d just given her a chance to call off the wedding, he held her jacket in such a manner that made her realize her autonomy was nothing more than a fantasy.

She owed him everything she had.

Reluctant for just a second, Catra ended up approaching Hordak and turning around to put her arms into the sleeves, finally coming to understand that her preferences were of no relevance when her leader was present. She was his pawn, and going against his wishes simply wasn’t an option.

“I expect you to behave,” Hordak said, his penetrating red gaze making the fur on Catra’s tail stand on end. “I will not apprehend you for what you’ve done to this room, frankly I couldn’t care less about the well-being of one of Castle Bright Moon’s thousands of rooms. But the ceremony must go exactly as planned. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Catra muttered, turning around to face him as she fixed her tuxedo. The padded shoulders of the dark red jacket she wore widened her narrow frame, and although she was intent in wearing her black shirt almost completely open she was visually demanded to fasten its buttons by a disapproving glance coming from Hordak. 

“Good girl” his hand rested on top of Catra’s head for a moment. Her eyes immediately started to shine, filling with tears, and Hordak was reminded of just how emotionally unstable humans were. “This is more important than you believe, young one. I have something very special planned for us.”

This seemed to get her attention away from the celebration she was dreading so much, and now Catra’s ears perked up in Hordak’s direction, curious.

“Then tell me, what can I do to help?” Her eyes pleaded him to confide in her, but Hordak stood his ground.

“Not yet” he reprimanded her with a disapproving look, not content with her insistence. This wasn’t the first, nor the last time she had asked him about his plans, even after he had made it more than clear that he couldn’t expose the full extent of his scheme to her yet. His hand moved from Catra’s head to her shoulder in a reassuring manner. “For now, I need you to do as we’ve rehearsed so we can get this formality out of the way. Then, She-Ra will travel with us to the Horde’s headquarters and we will go from there.”

“But why does she have to live with us?” Catra frowned, scratching her own arm in a nervous twitch. “She’s a traitor. She could try to steal information from us.”

“That’s why you will be monitoring Adora during her stay. You will not leave her side for the six months she’ll be spending with us.”

“Why me?” Catra immediately exploded, her usual temper materializing as she yelled the words. She clenched her fists and ground her teeth in discomfort, clearly exasperated by the realization that she’d have to follow Adora’s every move when all she had been trying to do for the last ten was forget about her existence. “Just assign someone else, I’m sure Lonnie would-“

Catra stopped herself mid sentence as Hordak’s fingers dug into her skin, making her gasp and dig her fingernails into her palms.

“As I’ve said, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” coming from anyone else the words would’ve felt comforted. Coming from Hordak, they only made Catra feel more pressured to obey him. “But these are my orders. Shall you choose not to obey me any longer, you will be demoted from your position”. Only then did he release her from his grip, keeping his hand on her shoulder to reassert his dominance. “But if you decide to follow my command, I promise you will not regret it. As I’ve said, I have something big planned for us Catra. Will you work with my demands?”

It didn’t matter if she hated him or not; Hordak couldn’t care less about what a human thought of him. But this emotional manipulation technique had worked for him many times in the past, and of course, this wasn’t an exception.

“Of course” she whispered under her breath, her eyes fixed on his feet instead of his face now. It was enough for Hordak, who let go of Catra’s shoulder and put a finger under her chin to force her to face him. “I won’t let you down” Catra said, now looking back at him with the same ferocity in her eyes that Hordak saw on her the day he officially named her his second-in-command.

“That’s all I needed to hear” Hordak replied, moving his finger away from Catra’s face, who didn’t tear her determined gaze away from him. “As long as you work for me, I will protect you. Blind compliance is all I ask for; I know it may seem like too much sometimes, but never forget that what you have, you owe it to me.”

That was enough to finally make Catra break their eye contact, as she stared to her right and slightly nodded with her head. 

“Very well” he continued. “Now, I’ll leave you alone.”

***

Agitated and heavily emotional by their intense interaction, for an instant Catra was left wondering what Hordak meant as he turned around to exit the room. But the moment he opened the door to leave, as she saw the figure of Scorpia approaching him stop dead in her tracks in surprise as the man simply ignored her and kept walking. Catra didn’t even question how he knew about her presence.  
She’d come to terms with the fact that she would never fully understand the man.

Dodging Scorpia’s empathetic gaze, Catra turned around to face her reflection in the same mirror she’d recently almost destroyed, and instead decided it would be much better to concentrate on her outfit than deal with the feelings that came from seeing her friend.

Catra stared at herself, her mirrored self full of scratches that concealed the scar that crossed her face, as he heard the room’s door close at her back. She looked at herself long enough for the tears to dry in her eyes, and only then did she acknowledge Scorpia’s reflection in the mirror with her gaze.

The feline realized how disheveled she looked in comparison to her friend. It wasn’t the fault of Catra’s suit; everything about it was amazing. The fabric, the cut, the length. The Horde’s emblem shone in black in the left side of her chest, loyal to the organization’s color scheme. The sight of the badge made her puff her chest, proud not only of being a part of something as big as the Horde, but of having climbed enough positions to call herself the second-in-command of its leader on her own merits.

 

The problem with the way she looked wasn’t her suit, but the way she wore it.

 

Even while wearing such a beautiful outfit, the first thing that stood out about Catra wasn’t the way she was dressed but how incredibly tired she looked; the bags under her eyes betrayed the great number of sleepless nights she’d recently endured. Her brows were furrowed, moving them closer together and giving her a permanently annoyed look. There was no trace of the cheeky smile her friends knew her for, what caught people’s eyes now was instead the long scar that crossed the right side of her face. She couldn’t remember when she got it, but she did know who gave it to her.

Scorpia on the contrary looked like she was born to wear the black uniform she had on. She stood tall; her dark eyes as full of hope as usual. Anyone could tell just by looking at her that she didn’t belong in the Horde. She was too innocent, too hopeful, too kind. The Horde wasn’t meant for people like her. It was meant for people like Catra; outcasts, the ones no one rooted for and that had absolutely nothing to lose.

The Horde didn’t deserve Scorpia, and neither did she.

“How are you doing?”

It was a matter of time. Eventually, it was Scorpia who broke the silence, and for once Catra didn’t mind the distraction.

“Amazing” the sarcastic word came out with a more hurtful tone that Catra had initially intended, but she didn’t apologize for it.

Scorpia sighed, used to the other’s lack of genuineness, and approached her.

“This will all be over soon. I’m sorry that you have to face her, but once you come back home you don’t even have to look in her direction again.”

This only made Catra more furious, especially keeping in mind the mission Hordak had just assigned her to. Her nostrils flared and the muscles on her back tensed as Catra came to the realization of just to what degree she was going to be forced to cope with Adora for the next few months. No, not Adora.

She-Ra.

With the lack of a response from the woman, Scorpia raised her arm to put a claw on her shoulder. Catra immediately moved her shoulder just the smallest bit necessary to get out of her reach.

“Leave me alone.”

Catra could see the hurt in Scorpia’s eyes in her reflection on the mirror. She looked away.

“I’m trying to be here for you Catra” she replied, swallowing hard and giving herself a moment to process her feelings before putting them into words. “Why do you give her the power to hurt you after all these years? It’s just a contract.”

“She doesn’t hurt me” Catra muttered, her words letting the other know she was spot on. 

“Of course she does” Scorpia replied. “And it’s okay, Catra” she looked at her friend through the mirror, standing behind her. Catra fought to keep her eyes fixated on her own reflection instead of facing her. “It’s okay to have feelings; you’re old enough to realize that. After all we’ve been through…” It wasn’t clear if she wanted to continue the sentence or not. “You can count on me. Just tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t feel anything, just stop being so mushy” Catra let out an exasperated sigh, now bringing her hands to the neck of her shirt to undo the first button. No one would care, but it was enough of a rebellious act for her. For now. “I don’t care about her. I just want this to be over, I have more important things to do.”

“I know that’s not true” the woman insisted, forcing Catra to think about a part of herself she preferred to ignore. “I know I’m not the brightest, but even I can realize that. You call me annoying, but you always end up coming to me. Why can’t we just skip the part where you pretend like you don’t care, so we can talk about… things?”

“There are no ‘things’ to talk about” Catra put her hands into her hair, moving it away from her face and forcing it in place behind her headpiece.

Scorpia had heard this enough times as to not feel hurt by those words, but she clearly didn’t enjoy hearing them.

“I know you would feel so much better if you just opened up to me” her arms moved up again, her claws hovering for a moment above Catra’s shoulders as an invitation to move away if she wanted to. When she didn’t, Scorpia rested them there. “I know you think pushing people away will make you feel better, but it clearly hasn’t, right?” Her usual lack of self awareness made Scorpia’s turn into knifes as they left her lips. She was too honest for her own good. “I won’t leave you, so please, let me help you.”

Finally the feline turned her head to glance directly at her instead of her reflection. She smiled, grabbing her claws to move them away from her shoulders so she could turn around and face Scorpia, who smiled back at her with a warmness that brought a weird feeling to Catra’s stomach. The echo of her soft purring filled the deadly silent room.

“Hey, Scorpia…”

Taking advantage of the grip she had on her, Catra pulled Scorpia closer, one of her hands letting go to grab her waist instead. The other looked down at her with relief, bringing her free arm around her friend’s back.

“Yes?”

Catra’s smile widened, and her purring came to a stop. In a whisper, she replied:

“Get lost.”

Letting go of her, the woman easily slipped away from Scorpia’s embrace, immediately falling into step towards the door. She ignored the urge to turn around to look at the other’s face, which wouldn’t have revealed anything that Catra didn’t already know, her hands moving up to the collar of her jacket as she fixed it on her way out.

Catra had made a pact with herself a long time ago; she would survive. No matter what or who had to be sacrificed to achieve it. No one had ever rooted for her before Hordak came along, and the ones that did ended up betraying her. Now Catra had made it her life mission to prove every single one of those people wrong. 

And if hurting people before they got a chance to hurt her was all she had to do to achieve it, then so be it.

***

As the ceremony began and Catra entered the room, Adora realized it was the first time in ten years she got to see her from up close without being in the middle of a fight.

She-Ra, Queen Angella, the princesses and a few members of the Horde were already in the room waiting when Hordak and she walked in, both dressed in the same colors and very similar styles.

The same could be said for She-Ra and the Queen, who also wore a white gown very similar in style to the warrior’s jumpsuit. Still, Adora would deem it insulting to compare herself to the Queen, considering how comfortable and rich Queen Angella looked as opposite to the stiffness present in She-Ra’s position. Realizing this, the blonde took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders.

She and Catra hadn’t even had the chance to exchange a few words before the ceremony; everything had been too rushed and them meeting wouldn’t have changed anything about their situation, so it was deemed an unnecessary step that would slow down the process. 

The marriage was going to take place whether they liked it or not, so better get it out of the way as soon as possible and let Catra and Adora deal with their relationship later. Hopefully in private.

The terms and conditions of the union had been previously very intensely discussed; nevertheless, once Catra and Hordak had reached their position in front of She-Ra and Queen Angella, their agreement was once again reviewed.

Each six months, the duo would travel from the Horde’s headquarters to Castle Bright Moon. While in each location and for the duration of their stay, the duo would be bound to take part in at least five activities the rulers of the organization accommodating them would consider fit to showcase their affiliation to the public. Flower picking with the habitants of Thaymor or partaking in battle practices with the cadets from the Horde, there were no rules as to what those activities should involve as long as they fulfilled their purpose; advertising that the truce between the Horde and the Rebellion still stood.

It was also implied that the couple was supposed to embellish the situation to the extent possible, making it seem as much as a real marriage and less as a political agreement as they could. Of course, everyone knew it was nothing but sheer conventionality, but this would help ease the tension in both sides of the now interrupted war, and hopefully force them to become more cordial with each other.

If she was honest with herself, Adora doubted that would ever happen.

The whole time the leaders spoke words that had clearly already been repeated thousands of times in other situations, only to hold a ceremony that everyone in the room knew was just a mere formality that no one wanted to take part in. She-Ra kept her eyes pinned on Catra, who avoided hers and seemed more interested in absolutely anything in the room other than her.

Once the ceremony was over and the four of them had signed the mandatory paperwork to make their situation official, Catra and She-Ra were vigorously invited by their leaders to step out into the balcony to greet the public that waited outside of the Castle for their announcement.

She-Ra had gotten used to being the face of the Rebellion, and facing big groups of people had ended up becoming something she even enjoyed. However, it was clear the same couldn’t be said for Catra, who walked with her arms at both sides of her body completely stiff as rocks. She would much rather be in the battlefield than facing the mob, but she had no choice.

Before they could step foot outside Hordak got in the way between them and the balcony, and She-Ra stopped dead in her tracks. She swallowed, staring at him as she remembered this terrifying creature was the being she most admired at one point of her life. How she never noticed how evil he was just by looking into those red, piercing spots that were his eyes, Adora would never understand. 

Without saying a word Hordak stretched his arm and grabbed She-Ra’s wrist, act that for a moment made everyone in the room hold their breath. She however remained calm, not willing to give him the satisfaction of acting scared or bothered by his intentions. If he meant to hurt her, he could have used his magic. Or so she thought.

After a few long excruciating seconds of silent stare down, Hordak stretched his other arm and grabbed Catra’s wrist, putting her hand on top of She-Ra’s. After doing so he stepped aside, gesturing with his arm towards the balcony and mocking She-Ra with the ghost of a smile on his face.

Feeling how stiff Catra’s hand was on top of hers, like the thought of being in contact with her disgusted her, hurt Adora more than any physical damage Hordak could’ve inflicted on her. And she was sure he knew this.

Now stiffly holding hands with her biggest enemy, She-Ra stepped into the balcony. She was immediately greeted with gasps and confused looks from people that still couldn’t believe what their eyes were seeing. They had known for so long that these people were their enemies, and now they were being introduced to a whole new side of them that seemed almost… endearing?

How ironic, Adora thought.

After an awkward pause that felt like it lasted an eternity She-Ra smiled and waved, which was enough to comfort her people, who immediately burst into clapping and cheering. Even from her position almost at the top of the castle, She-Ra could see that familiar gleam of hope in their eyes. They wanted to believe in the time of harmony they had been promised so badly, they would blindly trust whatever their leaders told them as long as it entailed they would be able to go outside of their homes without having to fear for their lives.

Catra didn’t smile. She stared down at the mob, looked back into the room for a moment, and then started waving without letting go of She-Ra’s hand.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” She-Ra finally felt the need to break the silence; there was only so much waving and fake smiling one could do before going insane, so her smile eventually faded as probably no one could even see it from the position at the foot of the castle.

“I have nothing to say to you” the other replied, carelessly moving her hand around in a gesture that could somewhat resembled waving, if you really wanted to see it.

“I’m not happy about this either” She-Ra looked away from the crowd to stare at Catra, and when the other failed to acknowledge her she squeezed her hand with hers until she turned her face in her direction. “But we are going to spend many years together. I think we should at least speak to each other.”

“You can talk” Catra replied, and as her feline eyes drilled into hers She-Ra felt the need to look away. She didn’t. “I will only speak to Adora” her hand quickly slipped away from the blonde’s, forcefully enough to catch her by surprise but not enough to let anyone watching them notice. She-Ra realized just then how deep the scar in Catra’s face was, and immediately had to push the image of her own sword digging into her cheek out of her mind. “But you?” The feline let out a chuckle. “Please. I want absolutely nothing to do with you.”

Instead of letting She-Ra answer, who found it hard to believe that the woman didn’t know she and Adora were one and the same, Catra turned around and walked into the room, forcing her to do the same thing as to not expose their less than friendly relationship to the public below.

“Good job” Hordak said, hands clasped as Catra walked in his direction. He put his hand on her shoulder once she was close enough to do so, and looked at She-Ra waiting for a reaction. She refused to give him one. “It’s time to leave now. Wave goodbye to your little friends and let’s go.”

Ignoring his arrogant comment, the blonde turned around to face the side of the room where the members of the Rebellion stood. She swallowed hard, walking slow and proud in their direction.  
She wanted to keep up the formalities, but as soon as she was close enough Glimmer practically threw herself into her for a hug, to which She-Ra could only reply by leaning forward and hugging her short friend back.

Soon Bow and the other princesses joined in to show She-Ra their support, and most of them offered her gifts to bring with her to the Horde.

Perfuma gifted her a pink flower similar to an orchid, which she assured would never die from age as long as She-Ra remembered to water it every once in a while.  
Mermista gave her a small bag filled with some kind of salt that She-Ra didn’t identify, but when the woman told her that throwing some of it on a bathtub full of water would help transport her home at least for a few seconds, She-Ra thanked her.  
To her surprise, Frosta gave her a small crystal ball filled with fake snow and a comically small snowman. She assured it would come in handy one day. She-Ra believed her.

Finally it was Bow and Glimmer’s turn, who between hardly concealed sobs gave her a pendant shaped as a heart. She-Ra held it tight in her fist and put it close to her heart before giving her friends one last goodbye.

“It’s time” an impatient Hordak demanded, looking at Queen Angella who glanced back at him in such a way that even the leader of the Horde made the smart decision of shutting up for once.

Once Glimmer gathered the strength to let go of She-Ra, it was the Queen that approached her. She looked heavenly, and glancing over her shoulder She-Ra realized just how much she contrasted with Hordak. He looked rough, angry and it made you feel violent just staring at him. On the other hand Queen Angella looked firm and fair, but the tenderness of her figure and movements almost made you feel unworthy of her presence.

“I must thank you once more” the woman asserted, holding She-Ra’s hands between her own. “I give you my word; I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. The Rebellion won’t let you down, and I will ensure all of Etheria knows what you are doing for us, Adora.”

Adora. The name echoed in her mind and for a moment the blonde thought she would break down crying then and there. The Queen hadn’t complimented She-Ra on her bravery; it was Adora her words were commending.  
After many years of finding herself only worthy of any praise because of her ability to transform into She-Ra, Adora had started to lose interest in being herself. If it was She-Ra the people wanted, why not give it to them? The recognition, the devotion everyone showed when the warrior raised her sword calling for their applause, she couldn’t resist it. But then again, who could? It even got difficult for her to distinguish Adora’s perspective from She-Ra’s, who the woman had come to realize could be pretty different at times.

It took her a while to realize that this meant that the people didn’t truly care about her; they cared about the eight foot woman she could transform into. It eventually took a toll on her self confidence, to the point where it was hard for her to simply be Adora. No one liked Adora, no one cared about her. So why should she?

Now hearing Queen Angella’s kind words aimed directly to her, even while in her She-Ra form, Adora felt the urge to hug her, burying her nose in her neck. The Queen seemed startled by this at first, but eventually surrounded her with her arms and carefully rubbed She-Ra’s back in silence.

Adora wanted to thank her for being the mother she never had, but as she moved back and looked into the woman’s eyes, the words died on the way to her lips.

“The shuttle is waiting” for once Hordak’s insistence made sense, and She-Ra forced herself to look away from the Queen and avert her eyes from anyone from the Rebellion, knowing how much harder it would be to leave them if she had to look in their direction one more time.

Hordak, Catra and her made their way up to the top of the castle where the shuttle waited for them, closely followed by the rest of the members of the Horde.

Upon getting on the airship, the first thing that caught She-Ra’s eyes was the presence of a pink haired woman she recognized but hadn’t seen in many, many years. Entrapta looked back at her for just a second, and then quickly glanced away. It was more the obvious why she didn’t attend the ceremony, and even though Adora wanted to explain everything to here then and there, she knew it would have to wait.

“Let’s go” Hordak stated, gesturing for She-Ra to take a seat right next to Catra, who upon realizing this immediately glanced in the opposite direction. Her foot was up on her seat, and she was resting her chin on top of her knee. Looking next to the brunette she saw Scorpia, who also averted her eyes from She-Ra to stare at the seat right in front of her in complete silence.

After a moment of hesitation, She-Ra complied, sitting down and watching as the leader of the Horde took a seat right in front of them. Her ex-companions were all there too; Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio. Every single eye in the shutter was fixated on her, and refusing to give them the satisfaction of looking frightened she looked for comfort in the shape of the pendant her friends had gifted her.

Only then did she notice the small slit in one side of the heart, which she decided to dig her nail into. After an only slightly audible ‘click’ the small ornament opened in half, revealing on the inside a picture of Bow, Glimmer and Adora smiling at her with glee.

A mix of sorrow and contentment made She-Ra’s chest feel tight, and putting on the necklace reminded her that unlike the rest of people on the shuttle, she would always have someone at home impatiently waiting for her return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it don't forget to leave kudos and drop a comment. Thank you so much for the support so far!
> 
> And thank you again to @sad4sunflowers on twitter for beta reading the chapter!


	5. Scheming

Upon the shuttle’s landing, Catra was more than ready to exit the quarantine, impatiently waiting for the lift to rise. 

As always, Hordak followed soon after, the rest of crew in tow. She-Ra preoccupied her gaze forward, making it her mission to avoid the questioning and vicious glances members of the Horde were throwing her way.

She was a warrior, a princess, and part of their leading force. Legally, at least. If they chose to hate her, then so be it. They still had to respect her authority, unless they wanted another war to break out. Which, in retrospect, may exactly be what they wanted.

Whatever happens, She-Ra’s mind was at peace knowing all she was doing was for the best interests of her people.

For a moment, she allowed herself to glance left, where Entrapta struggled to keep up with their pace as she fidgeted with a mechanical device She-Ra could only describe as a push-button control of some sort. She had no idea what its purpose was, but she didn’t truly care. All she wanted to do as she stared at the princess was talk to her to explain what truly happened that day and ask her why it was so easy for her to betray the people she’d fought alongside with for so many years.

Ironic.

Immersed in thought, She-Ra overlooked her surroundings, causing her to bump into Kyle. Hordak’s stroll had come to a stop and Kyle was now on the ground after being hit by She-Ra's strong upper half. The woman quickly knelt on the floor to offer him a helping hand, eyes wide in shock.

“I’m sorry, Kyle.” Adora’s voice left She-Ra’s lips without a second thought as she glanced at her former comrade, and for a moment, she saw a glimpse of the young, innocent, and complacent kid she had protected so many years ago. “Are you alright?”

As he fearfully glanced up at She-Ra’s palm, the woman could swear Kyle raised his hand for a moment to accept her help, before Rogelio came into view behind him. Kyle was lifted up from his shoulders and back on his feet

She tilted her head back to be able to look at the lizard man, who stared down at her with disdain. Adora didn’t mind the rest of the soldiers’ disapproving looks but as Rogelio put his arm around Kyle and turned around without saying anything, completely disregarding her as if she didn’t even exist, She-Ra couldn’t do anything but swallow the lump in her throat. The scorn evident in the atmosphere, she stood up once more with the dignity she had left to stare at Hordak as everyone stood in silence, gawking and gauging what her reaction would be.

The man was looking right back at her, with a glint of amusement in his eyes. A patronizing gleam only she could clearly see; she stood her ground until he pointed his finger towards her and crooked it in his direction in a silent order to follow him.

Both a reluctant Adora and a confident She-Ra followed him, hands balled into fists as she strode along the cold metal bridge Hordak had already crossed. Behind her, she could head the gossip already formulating as whispers and steps grew. As everyone broke formation, she heard laughter, making her blood boil and heat rise up her face. 

It had not even been an hour and she had already managed to make a fool of herself. Things could only get better from that moment forward. Or so she hoped.

“I see you’re already making friends.” Hordak’s comment made She-Ra squint. Even though she was behind a couple steps, she was sure he noticed the gesture.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To your quarters, of course.” She-Ra realized that the way he had planned and formulated every word he uttered, somehow reminded her of a cat.

An old, scary, ugly, emotionally manipulative cat.

She-Ra was more than happy to play her part in the silence that followed by not saying a word, simply walking behind Hordak and looking around at the people she’d once worked for. Men and women dropped everything they were doing the moment Hordak appeared in their line of sight, bowing their heads forward as if they were not worth his presence.

It wasn’t adoration their body language portrayed. It was pure and utter fear for him. It made She-Ra feel sick.

Then again, She-Ra clearly also made them feel sick. As their leader walked by, people lifted their chins once more and she was met with scowls and sneers. Not that she could blame them. After all, once upon a time, Adora swore to protect them, but She-Ra’s sheer existence was still a threat to theirs.

Still, Adora could only wish that the hatred was mutual and she felt the same towards them. Maybe that way, their aggression and looks of anger would hurt less.

They walked further into the Fright Zone until Hordak halted in front of a doorway of the second to last floor, knocking and taking a step back as he intertwined his fingers together.

She-Ra frowned.

“I thought this was supposed to be my room.” she stated, confused as to why someone would already be inside.

“Oh,” he replied, eyes unmoving from the door as he waited for someone to respond. ”It is.”

***

She had already managed to unbutton most of her shirt and loosen her tie by the time someone started knocking on the door of Catra’s room. If it wasn’t for the familiar sound of Hordak’s voice, she wouldn’t have bothered responding.

Still, after rising up from the bed and opening the door, Catra immediately regretted answering.

The first thing she saw was She-Ra’s chest. Catra slowly shifted her gaze to look at her face, as if to make sure it was really her. As if there was any other eight feet tall woman she could’ve confused her for.

“I bring you your roommate.” Hordak stated, resting his hand on She-Ra’s shoulder, clearly putting some pressure with his thumb on her back until she grimaced.

“Roommate?” Catra asked, her fangs forming to a smirk, directed towards Hordak as she waited for him to return the gesture. When he didn’t, her grin froze.

“You’re being serious?” She-Ra asked, finally having enough and shrugging out of his grasp.

He solemnly turned his head to her, his face completely lacking of expression.

“Do I seem like a clown to you.”

Catra could almost physically see She-Ra bite her tongue to avoid answering.

“She clearly doesn’t want to stay,” the feline chimed in, her hand still holding the door. “She can go sleep on the street.”

She made an attempt to close the door, knowing there was nothing she could do to go against Hordak’s wishes.  
As her leader’s foot prevented her from closing the door on her visitors, Catra cursed her mind for letting her temper control most of her actions before logic could get a chance to chime in.

“She will be staying here.” Hordak’s words made their way through the crack and Catra had no choice but give in and slowly open it again.

She could see in She-Ra’s eyes the tone of his voice was enough to keep her from complaining anymore, which got Catra to give up the fight. 

For now.

“Fine.” the feline resigned after a pause, pretending as if the way Hordak stared at her didn’t affect her to the point of wanting to crawl into a hole in the ground. Instead, she turned around and made her way towards the closet, pulling everything in sight out.

“Catra.” the man dryly said, halting her actions from just mentioning her name. In any other situation, it would have worked, but She-Ra’s presence hurt her in a deeper way than Hordak ever could. “You will stay here, child.”

“Let her be. I will stay somewhere else. I can sleep with your cadets if it’s necessary.” She-Ra’s voice pierced through her ears. Focusing her anger on the tight grip she had on one of her shirts was not enough to keep Catra from exploding.

“Typical She-Ra. So selfless.” she mocked the other, throwing the piece of clothing on the ground, completely enraged.

The other seemed completely taken aback by her reaction but after a few seconds she decided to reply.

“What the hell do you want, Catra?” The woman said, slamming her hand against the door to get it to completely open. Catra could know she didn’t use all of her strength because the obiect hadn’t been turned to dust on impact. She walked into the room before speaking once more. “I hate this as much as you do, if you’re not going to offer a solution then shut up.”

“Finally!” Catra let out an empty cackle, revealing years of suppressed bitterness. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard anything honest come out of your mouth.”

“Enough.” Hordak broke off their fight, stepping into the room, his arm half way raised. It was enough to get both women to stop speaking and instead, just stare at each other with furrowed brows. “This is exactly why you need to cohabit. I can’t have you argue like teenagers in front of everyone. You must learn to cope with one another, whether you like it or not.”

“We will never get along.” Catra declared, bringing the side of her hand to her chest as she now faced Hordak.

“Then pretend.” the man dryly replied, his tone firm and expression stone cold serious, forcing Catra to be the first to look away, ears slightly tilted back. Luckily his attention turned to She-Ra shortly after. “Your things will be brought in soon. We will have you give a speech in two hours to ease the tension.”

Hordak put his hand into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a piece of paper that he offered She-Ra. The woman reluctantly accepted it and slowly started to unfold it.

“What is this?”

“The speech. You do not need to memorize it, but I recommend you at least read it to avoid any missteps.”

“I don’t need you to write my speeches.” she offered him the paper back. He didn’t move. “I can come up with something myself.”

Hordak’s red gaze moved from the paper on She-Ra’s hand to her face, and instead of taking it he put his hand over hers and pushed it towards her chest as he took a step in her direction.

“Two hours from now. You will read what’s written on the paper.” She-Ra accepted the paper back, but Hordak continued adding pressure on her hand, forcing her to purse her lips together in an attempt to keep her composure. “And you will stop questioning me and talking back. Immediately. You are safe for as long as our contract is in effect, but don’t forget where you are, Adora.”

Catra could see the shift in She-Ra’s eyes as Hordak mentioned the name. The world seemed to stop for a moment as both of them stared at each other in silence, Hordak silently offering She-Ra the possibility to defy him, but the latter wisely chose not to do so. Finally, he let go of the woman’s hand, who took a step back and looked away.

“And as for you,” Hordak proceeded to point at Catra, her tail fluffing up instantly. “You’ve earned your position with hard work and diligence. Don’t throw it all away because of a temper tantrum. I won’t hesitate to demote you. Understood?”

“Understood.” the feline let out almost in a growl, showing enough obedience for Hordak to be satisfied but not enough to appear too compliant in front of the intruder.

“Very well, now that we’re all on the same page, I’ll be going. Meet me in an hour and a half at the entrance on the first floor.” he looked at Catra. “Both of you. I will not repeat this; don’t be late.”

With that said, he turned around and left the room in two long strides, slamming the door behind him making Catra flinch at the noise. As soon as they were alone, She-Ra's presence became suddenly ten times more unnerving than before.

“Time to study, I suppose.” Catra stepped over everything she’d thrown into the floor, tip toeing to reach the higher shelves of the closet to retrieve a pillow and a thin white sheet. Once she had them in her position, she looked at She-Ra and threw them on the floor between them. “You sleep on the floor.”

“Fine.” the other replied, crouching to pick up both pillow and sheet, standing straight once more to face Catra. “But we still need to talk.”

Catra rolled her eyes and turned on her heels to walk towards her bed, taking a seat.

“I’ve already told you.” she replied, starting to take off her uncomfortable shoes. “We have nothing to talk about.”

She concentrated on her shoelace with indifference, but from the corner of her eye Catra leered over She-Ra as the other woman sighed. For a split second, she morphed into a beam of light right before taking the shape of her childhood friend.

***

Turning back into Adora managed to catch Catra’s attention, who lazily leaned forward with her elbows rested on her own thighs. She had managed to take off one shoe, but Adora’s transformation was interesting enough to make her forget about the other one temporarily.

For some reason the way Catra looked at her made Adora’s cheeks feel hot. Trying her best not to break eye contact, she shrugged and extended her arms in a sign of compliance.

“Is this what you wanted?”

Catra didn’t say yes, but at least she didn’t say no either.

Adora made the decision to approach her, hugging the sheets she’d been provided as if they would be able to provide her with the emotional support she so desperately needed. 

It didn’t work.

“I know you’re not happy to have me here. Trust me, it’s not exactly the ideal scenario for me either.” Adora stopped her tracks once she was just a few steps away from Catra, who started to remove her other shoe as well. “But you heard Hordak. We need to behave. Do you know what he would do to us if we…?”

“Please.” the other interrupted her, sitting up straight to remove her jacket as she stared at Adora with a frown. “Don’t lecture me about Hordak. I’m pretty sure I know him better than you do.”

“Catra, this is not a competition.” Adora said as she the sheets and the pillow fall from her arms, visibly exhausted.

“Everything is a competition with you.” That last petty remark finally Adora’s nerves and she dug her fingernails in her palms in an attempt to contain herself. 

“All I’m saying is,” she started again after taking a deep breath. “Maybe we can use this chance to talk.”

Undoing the brooch on her jacket suddenly seemed more interesting to Catra than Adora’s speeches. 

“You know, about us. And everything that’s happened. We can’t just ignore each other forever and pretend nothing’s wrong.” Trying to get Catra’s attention with words had proved futile and once Adora got tired of getting the cold shoulder she extended her arm to grab her former friend’s wrist.

The other’s response was to immediately pull herself out of the woman’s grasp, finally paying Adora the attention she so desperately wanted, but not exactly in the way she expected.

“Don’t touch me, Adora.” Hearing her name coming from Catra’s lips made Adora feel incredibly sad for a reason she decided not to think about. Catra stood up from the bed, approaching Adora and pushing her until she was forced to take a step back. “What the hell do you want us to talk about? I don’t care about you.” 

Catra gifted her a wicked smile, opening her arms in a mocking gesture. “Maybe you feel the need to fix something between us to make yourself feel better, but trust me, the thought of you doesn’t keep me awake at night.”

It was clear her goal was to get on Adora’s nerves by attacking her insecurities, but this time it wouldn’t be enough.

“I know that’s not true.” She wouldn’t let Catra trick her into physically fighting. It didn’t matter how much she tried. “I know you think of me. I think of you too.”

“Well, sorry to break it to you, but you’re wrong” was all the other woman could say to defend herself.

What she said only made Adora realize she was right and Catra probably came to the same conclusion since her actions revealed the frustration she couldn’t express with words.

Putting her finger on Adora’s chest she slightly pushed her back, forcing her to take yet another step back. She told herself she wouldn’t play into her game, but it was proving to be harder with every shove she received.

“I know I’m not. If I was, you wouldn’t be so bothered just by hearing me say you care about me.”

Catra laughed at that.

“Wow, that’s a new one. Why would a care about a muscle brain traitor like you? Enlighten me.”

“Because you were this muscle brain traitor’s best friend for years, for fuck’s sake!” Adora couldn’t help but yell; Catra’s words finally started to affect her. “Stop being an entitled asshole for a moment and let’s talk things out!”

“Talk things out?” Catra shook her head, looking at her like she was completely insane. “You really sound like a princess. We’ve tried to kill each other Adora, do you really think words can fix that?”

“I have never tried to kill you.” She desperately tried to defend herself, feeling a knot forming on her throat as she tried to swallow.

“Right. I got this playing catch with a knife.” The feline replied, pointing at the scar in her face. Catra clearly felt uncomfortable whenever they got close to talking about how she felt, so as always she quickly turned around to avoid the conversation from progressing.

Trusting that words would indeed be enough to get them somewhere, Adora refused to let the argument end like that without a fight, so once more her hand shot out to grab Catra’s in an attempt to get her attention once again.

Just as before Catra easily slipped away from her grasp, but as she turned around there was something else behind her eyes that had clearly been awoken by their heated altercation.

This time Catra didn’t scream. Even worse; she grabbed Adora’s hand and pulled her closer in a menacing way, digging her nails into the skin of the other’s arm. Still, Adora didn’t move away, just staring back at her as Catra’s colorful eyes pierced hers. They were wet with tears, but then again, Adora’s probably looked the exact same way.

“Don’t touch me. Ever again.” She repeated, now in a soft whisper that could barely be heard by its recipient.

Adora opened her mouth to respond, but before they could do so they were interrupted by a knock on the door. As she turned her head, she saw the person on the other side had already opened it without waiting for an answer.

“It’s me Catra.” Scorpia’s voice called out. “Why did Hordak ask me to bring She-Ra’s…?”

The woman immediately stopped talking as she caught a glance of what was going on in the room, realizing the answer to her question before any of them got a chance to say anything. She seemed visibly confused, looking at Catra and Adora a couple times before deciding she shouldn’t say anything at all.

A wise decision that Adora wished she had chosen herself just a few minutes earlier.

“Great!” instead of letting her go, Catra almost threw Adora’s hand to the side, making her stumble. She barely managed to stay on her feet. “Throw it there on the floor next to the door and let’s go.”

Making her way to the door Catra didn’t give any of them a chance to say anything; she was gone before they could come up with a coherent sentence.  
Once again Adora had failed trying to get her to open up, but sadly it didn’t come as a surprise. She had barely managed to hear about her feelings during the eighteen years they were friends, now that the situation was far worse a couple sentences obviously weren’t going to be enough to get her to open up.

The fact that it made sense didn’t make it hurt any less for Adora.

Her and Scorpia exchanged glances for an awkwardly long amount of time. The other seemed like she wanted to say something, but apparently decided against it as the words made their way to her lips.

After letting go of Adora’s things so they fell on the floor in front of her Scorpia turned around to follow Catra, leaving the blonde alone with a mind full of questions and a heart empty of answers.

***

How dared she? The fact that Adora had the audacity to speak to her like that after all they’d been through baffled Catra. It was obvious she didn’t know to what level her actions had hurt her, but at that moment it worked on Catra’s favor; she didn’t plan on showing Adora the effect her betrayal had on her.

After years of feeling it was her fault everyone always ended up leaving her, it was finally time for her to get some revenge.

“Wait up!” Scorpia’s voice echoed through the hall as she tried to catch up with Catra, who slowed down just enough for the other to catch up to her without it being too noticeable.

“Took you long enough.”

“Where are we going?”

“Can you believe her?” Catra scoffed, ignoring Scorpia’s question as she voiced her own concerns. “She was trying to make peace or something… after everything she’s done to me. That whole transformation business must’ve altered her brain or something.”

She waited for Scorpia to laugh along to her joke as she usually did, but the sound never came.

“What?” The feline asked, finally acknowledging her friend by tilting her head in her direction with a frown.

“Nothing” the other muttered as a response, clearly too afraid of Catra’s reaction to say anything.

She was about to complain about Scorpia’s lack of honesty when a different voice joined the conversation.

“She thinks you’re too obsessed with her.”

The intrusion surprised both women, who stopped dead on their tracks to look to the left where Entrapta sat on the floor. In the eyes of someone completely ignorant about technology it seemed she was simply digging a small hole on the wall.

“What the hell are you doing?” Catra asked, voluntarily choosing to ignore Entrapta’s words. Scorpia seemed more than comfortable to do the same.

“Installing some cameras, duh!” Was her response; she never took her eyes away from the hole she was still digging on the wall.

The other two waited for a moment, hoping she would come to the realization on her own that she had more explaining to do. When the response didn’t come, Scorpia was the first one to speak.

“And why are you doing that?”

“I dunno” finally Entrapta moved away from her creation, and when Catra stared at the place she had been working on for a second she could swear there was nothing there. But with further inspection she could distinguish a small circle that she assumed knew was a lens on the wall. “Hordak asked me to install them all around the Fright Zone. He didn’t say why.”

Obviously Entrapta was more than happy to commit to any kind of task that had technological implications. That probably was what made her such a powerful ally to Hordak; she would be loyal to anyone that helped her work on her projects and expand her horizons, it didn’t matter what their intentions were; she didn’t care. Catra and her were similar in that. Only in that.

“Cameras, huh?” Catra asked, crossing her arms and looking at Entrapta as she stood up and straightened her shirt. “And where are the monitors to those cameras?”

“Oh, there are no monitors. Hordak just asked for a small device with a screen that allows you to switch through different channels to see what’s happening on every camera at all times. Why?”

“Is it possible to broadcast what’s being recorded with those cameras in various monitors at once?”

Entrapta scoffed.

“Of course it’s possible! That’s like the easiest thing ever” Entrapta used the screwdriver she was holding to scratch her head. “Why?”

“I want one of those device things you just talked about.”

Scorpia frowned as she looked at Catra.

“What do you want that for?”

“To keep an eye on the intruder, of course. She-Ra may have signed a contract, but we still can’t be sure this isn’t all a ploy to destroy us from the inside. With these cameras I will be able to keep an eye on her twenty four seven.”

Entrapta and Scorpia exchanged a look that made Catra mad.

“What?”

“Nothing” Scorpia replied once more.

“You really are obsessed with Adora” Entrapta was too honest for her own good. Even after all these years she hadn’t learned that the fact that Catra asked something didn’t necessary mean she really wanted to hear the honest answer.

“I’m not! Ugh-“ Catra brought a hand to her face in frustration, pressing her thumbs against her forehead in a useless attempt to calm herself down. “I’m just saying we need to be careful. She betrayed us once, what’s stopping her from doing it again?”

“Catra’s right” Scorpia chimed in immediately winning Catra’s attention with her comment. “We can’t trust her.”

“I mean, she doesn’t seem like a bad person. I think she’s pretty cool” Entrapta’s lack of self awareness blew Catra’s mind. The woman clearly saw the looks on the other two’s faces, because she immediately felt the need to justify herself. “Listen, I’m sure Hordak knows what he’s doing. Maybe you guys should just relax.”

“You don’t know her” Catra replied, now staring at Entrapta as her tail slowly moved from one side to the other signaling everyone around her that this was not a good moment to contradict her. “Her ‘I’m so nice and almighty’ act may have fooled you, but she can’t fool me” she started to walk again before even finishing her sentence, determined in her steps. “Not again.”

The other two women fell into step behind her, Entrapta removing the glasses from her eyes and wisely choosing not to add anything into the conversation, since doing so had proven to only bring her trouble thus far.

“When do you think you can have the little monitor thing ready?”

“I can have it done by nighttime. I can bring it to your room if you want.”

“No” for some reason admitting that Adora was going to spend the nights with her in her room made Catra incredibly uncomfortable. “She’ll be there. I’ll stop by your workshop tomorrow to pick it up.”

Entrapta let out a noise that Catra assumed meant she agreed, and waved her hand goodbye before turning on a corridor and leaving them alone. Scorpia and her walked in silence for a short while, but eventually Catra was stopped by her friend grabbing her elbow.

“Catra. What are you going to do?”

“Nothing” she replied, tilting her head slightly to the side. “I’m just going to keep an eye on her and see how things progress.”

“That’s it? I mean… maybe you should. Talk to her, I mean.”

“I don’t want to talk to her. Why are you so obsessed with what I do with Adora anyway?”

Scorpia seemed hurt by her question.

“You know why, Catra. I care about you, I don’t want you to get hurt. You can’t push me away by being mean to me, I’ve already proven you that.”

Finally she decided to pay Scorpia the attention she so badly asked for, now fully facing her with her arms crossed.

“Listen, she’s not going to hurt me. She can’t. I don’t care about her anymore.”

“I understand that, but you’re going to have to share rooms with her. You’ll be forced to spend more time with her than… well, with me, for one. Shouldn’t you at least try to get along?”

Catra swallowed and tensed her shoulders, mad at the implications of Scorpia’s words.

“I can’t just get along with her” for a moment Catra let her guard down, allowing her voice to express just barely an ounce of what she was feeling inside. “You don’t even know the full story.”

“Then tell me” Scorpia grabbed Catra’s hand as softly as she possibly could. “You will feel better.”

It wasn’t the first time she tried to break down Catra’s walls and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. For a moment she considered letting her in on just how close Adora and her used to be. How the woman she considered her mother for a lack of a better figure to occupy that role tormented her until she started pushing everyone away around her as a defense mechanism.

Everyone but Adora.

A mix of relief and frustration overcame Catra when they were once again interrupted, this time by Hordak himself. It was him she was planning on visiting when she asked Scorpia to come along, but his entrance couldn’t have been more inopportune. The thought that he sometimes did that on purpose had crossed Catra’s mind more than once.

She gently moved her arm to slip from Scorpia’s grasp, trying to keep Hordak from noticing the gesture. Like that was even possible.

“Catra” he said, clearly still annoyed at her behavior. She so desperately wanted to not care about his opinion, but in reality impressing Hordak and being on his good side was the only thing on Catra’s mind nowadays. “You’re early. The speech isn’t happening for another hour. Did you need something?”

“We wanted to talk to you” Catra firmly stated.

“We did?” Scorpia looked over at her with a confused frown on her face.

“Yes. Scorpia thinks it’s not a good idea that She-Ra and I share a room.”

“I do?”

“Yes” Catra repeated once again, sending Scorpia a look that begged for her to play along.

It wasn’t the first time she took advantage of her clear infatuation for her, and as always Scorpia didn’t disappoint. She turned to Hordak, swallowed and straightened her back.

“Yes. I do” the man raised an eyebrow, staring down at her in complete silence. Catra had to slightly elbow Scorpia in the back as if to let her know she was supposed to say something, to which the woman reacted by opening her mouth and letting out a confused sound. “I think… She-Ra may try to get into her head. Try to get her on her side or something.”

“And do you think Catra would be foolish enough to fall for such an idiotic trick?”

That was just how far Scorpia could get by improvising, which she made clear by shooting Catra a glance that begged for help. When none came, she forced herself to keep talking.

“Err. Maybe?”

“What do you mean maybe?” Catra immediately replied, offended by her friend’s response.

“What do you want me to say?” Scorpia half yelled half whispered back. Maybe making up her argument as they went wasn’t the best plan after all, Catra thought.

“Instead of coming to me with issues I’ve already given you a response to, you should get a move on and come up with a scheme of your own if you’re so afraid our guest is planning something against us.”

This got both Catra and Scorpia to stare at him with the same puzzled expression. At their lack of reply, Hordak kept speaking.

“You two suggest that Adora may try to somehow use this opportunity seduce Catra into joining her, right? Then why don’t you, Catra, attempt the same tactic with her.”

“You’re saying…” Catra looked at Scorpia, as if to make sure they were hearing the same thing. “I should pretend to like her to get her on our side?”

“That would be the ideal outcome of this situation, yes. We could get rid of her, but why do that when we can get the Rebellion’s strongest warrior on our side instead? They will become weaker and us, stronger.”

“It makes sense” Scorpia joined the conversation, and when Catra shot her a distraught look she raised her hands as if she were surrendering to her. “Hey, it does. You two were really close once, right? Maybe if you bring those feelings back she’ll want to join us again. Since you’re already going to spend so much time together it won’t hurt to try, right?”

“I’m glad you agree with my suggestion, but as you surely understand I can’t stand here gossiping with the two of you like a teenager for any longer. I have duties to attend to. Catra” Hordak’s voice mentioning her name startled the woman who was too deep in her own thoughts to realize the conversation had progressed. “Don’t be late to the speech. And remember, you don’t have to say anything. Just stand there and look… complacent.”

He didn’t allow either of them to add anything to the conversation, for as soon as he was done speaking he simply started walking away with his fingers intertwined behind his back.

Catra was left standing there, looking at Hordak with her jaw tensed as she considered the possibility that Hordak’s scheme maybe wasn’t as crazy as it may sound.


	6. Do it for her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight and a shitton of feelings.

She-Ra doubted the members of the Horde would be interested in assisting to a speech by who could be considered the representative of their enemies, but against all odds when she stepped out into the balcony after being instructed to do so she witnessed hundreds of eyes staring up at her.

Of course she had carefully studied Hordak’s speech, and although there were many things she did not agree with in the paper she’d been handed, She-Ra decided it would be in her best interest to comply with the man’s demands for now.  
She-Ra’s prideful attitude had already gotten on his nerves, and although Adora had no respect left for him, she was perfectly aware of the lines Hordak was willing to cross to achieve his objectives. She would have to give in now to have a chance to present her own requests later on.

Her empty words filled the crowded square beneath them, and even as she spoke from memory almost without referring to the paper in front of her at all, all Adora could concentrate on was Catra’s presence behind her. Having her by her side was saddening and thrilling in equal amounts. Having who she considered for a long time to be the most important person in her life by her side while knowing she absolutely despised her was the most bittersweet feeling Adora had ever experienced.

The only way Adora could force herself to keep going and concentrate on her words was to focus her gaze on the faces of the her spectators. As She-Ra’s eyes traveled from an old woman holding a basket behind her arm and a child’s hand to a group of women who looked like they hadn’t slept in days, a basic notion that she’d completely overlooked thorough the whole process of coalition hit her.

These were innocent, oblivious people; just like she used to be.

They weren’t the ones sending troops to destroy them or plotting to crush the princesses’ runestones to make them vulnerable. They weren’t the ones that lied to Adora when she was little. She had spent so long victimizing herself and blaming everyone in the Horde for everything she’d experienced in her childhood that she’d never stopped to realize that she wasn’t the only one this was happening to. They had been born and raised into evilness; it's all they knew now. They weren't at fault for believing what their parents told them, didn't they too deserve a chance to break free from the Horde's control?

The mere understanding of this made a sour taste rise up to She-Ra’s mouth, who forced herself to swallow and talk her way through her feelings.

“…as the treaty protects the Horde as much as it protects the Rebellion. There is no longer a need to see me as a foe but as an ally from now on, for I swear to care for every one of you as if my life depended on it” the speech handed to her by Hordak only had a couple of sentences left, but She-Ra felt obliged to add to it, it didn’t matter the repercussions.

That’s why after glancing back at Hordak for a second, who had his attentive eyes perched on her, she improvised.

“Because it does” she licked her lips, ignoring the way Catra shifted her weight from one leg to the other and looked at her from the corner of her eye. “My wellbeing is only assured as long as yours is not threatened. And the same applies to the Rebellion; we will not strike if the Horde honors our pact” Hordak’s speech continuously insisted on how they could rest knowing that the Rebellion would not attack them, focusing on She-Ra’s obedience, but she would rather refer to a feeling of fraternity she hoped would help ease the tension.

“Our planet is at risk. It’s dying” this wasn’t news to anyone, but people started to whisper and tense up at the sound of those words. “And at this moment it’s not relevant who is responsible for the terrible situation we’re in. All that matters is that we unite to nurse it back to health. Together. Resorting to violence once more has proven useless, it’s time to change our ways once and for all. And why only look at the now?” She-Ra’s eyes shone with hope now that she truly believed in what she was saying. “This is a perfect opportunity to unite and finally put an end to the stupid back and forth we’ve been wrapped up in for so long” she brought a hand to her chest as she gave the public her most determined look. “I will give my all to prove my reliance to you, as I wish nothing but for all of us to persevere and get our beautiful Etheria back” the woman took a deep breath, as if getting forces to repeat once again the most important word of her speech: “Together.”

If She-Ra intended to continue her emotive speech the thought immediately disappeared along with everything else occupying her mond when Catra grabbed her hand.

She expected to be hit, thrown back, yelled at. But all the woman did was raise both of their hands by straightening her arm – which for She-Ra was only slightly lifting hers – and smiling at everyone watching them.

“For the Horde” a tight smile on her face, Catra looked everywhere but at She-Ra, who stared at her in absolute shock. “And for the Rebellion.”

Her words finally got the people beneath them to erupt in cheers, moved by She-Ra’s words and impressed by Catra’s compliance. The latter had clearly marked herself as a feisty and nonconformist leader, so seeing her so enthusiastically agree with their treaty convinced them that was the right decision.

Once the initial shock had finally passed She-Ra squeezed Catra’s hand back and looked at the public, using her free hand to acknowledge them with an elegant wave.

She could almost physically feel Hordak’s eyes piercing through the back of her head, but as She-Ra held the feline’s hand and proudly smiled down at who now could be considered as her people, Adora allowed herself to pretend Catra’s act were prompted by her feelings instead of a mere need of satisfying the man that in the most twisted way possible was the only reason they were back together at that moment.

***

Nights came and went faster than Catra initially expected, and before she realized it it’d been a month since Adora had moved into the Fright Zone.

Her re-incorporation to the Horde had been a dangerous but surprisingly smooth process; She-Ra’s speech on the day of her arrival had successfully done its job of easing the undeniable discomfort and hostility that was very present on the atmosphere the day their agreement was made public. Hordak had let She-Ra’s fit of improvisation slip, and it had started to bother Catra how willing the man was to let the woman get away with almost everything she did.

Aside from having her walk by her side to almost every single place she visited during the day, She-Ra’s presence had barely influenced Catra’s usual schedule. Joining the cadets for practice once a week to help increase the sense of community within their soldiers, walking across the Fright Zone to ensure no suspicious practices were taking place within their people, meeting with other senior members of the Horde to revise their current situation and decide what their next step would be.

Catra could understand why Hordak wanted the unaware public to see her and She-Ra together as a formality, but having her join their official reunions felt borderline intrusive.

Still, as always, the woman agreed with anything her leader commanded her to do. Trying to put up a fight was meaningless with him, but still Catra always tried her best shot at coming up with a better solution for the problems Hordak presented to her. Usually, there wasn’t any.

Besides, after thinking about it long and hard while laying in bed completely unable to sleep with the knowledge that Adora was resting on the floor right beside her, Catra had come to the conclusion that spending as much time as possible with the woman would end up working in her favor.

After all, if she wanted her to betray the princesses she so strongly wanted to protect, she would have to get Adora’s absolute and unconditional trust first.

Catra had come up with what she considered to be a perfect plan; spend as much time with the woman as possible and pretend like she was starting to let loose around her. Talk to her about official matters when they roamed the Fright Zone, glance at She-Ra’s direction as if she was waiting for her input when they were reunited with people that Adora knew would never listen to her.  
It was hard not making it too obvious; she couldn’t just let her sleep on her bed or try to give her casual conversation straight away. That would be the next step.

Once Adora started to trust her it would be time for Catra to pretend to be emotionally invested in their relationship, all of this while monitoring her through the cameras that Entrapta had installed in almost every room and corridor. She had to be extra careful as to make sure Hordak didn’t find out she had access to the footage of said cameras, but she doubted he would care that much even if he noticed. Still, it was be better not to risk it.

Then by the time she had gotten into Adora’s mind and let her in to all the awful things the princesses had done, even if she had to come up with lies to convince her that they were truly evil, Catra would only need to get She-Ra to act against them in public to make sure that the Rebellion noticed. It didn't matter if the woman realized everything Catra told her was a lie, it would be too late by then; the Rebellion would never trust her again after that.

 

It was a perfect plan, and there was nothing that could ever stop Catra from bringing it to fruition.

Thinking about the words of praise Hordak would have for her when he realized what she’d achieved made Catra want to smile.

She forced herself to bite her lower lip to avoid doing so as She-Ra and she walked across the Fright Zone. The woman never let herself be seen as Adora in front of everyone that wasn’t Catra or Hordak; of course they knew who she was, but seeing her as the kid that betrayed them all those years ago would probably revive the tension that they were very carefully trying to avoid.

As always She-Ra walked besides her leaving enough room between them for another person to fit in the gap, a courtesy that Catra appreciated. After bickering back and forth about their boundaries finally the marriage had come to a silent agreement where both of them worked to respect the other’s limits, and reducing their interactions to a minimum had shown to be effective.

Of course, Catra felt the temptation of getting back at Adora every single second they spent together. The thought was almost too alluring to ignore; feeling her childhood partner’s presence so close to her and having so many questions that she could never express out loud was devastating for Catra. It was for the greater good, she repeated to herself, pretending her thirst for answers didn’t make her feel as terrible as it actually did.

With thousands of different thoughts rattling through her mind Catra approached the only fruit stand they’d come across during their short stroll. Every piece of the crop was small and had a slight grey tint; Catra could only describe it as sad looking, just like everything else they’d collected in recent times. It was a clear reflection of the spirits of the people from the Horde, and Catra convinced herself that she would see the state of the fruit improve along with their situation in the upcoming years.  
It was a promise to herself.

“You have cadet practice in ten minutes” a clearly uneasy voice stated from behind her. Catra didn’t have to turn around to know it was She-Ra’s.

She looked up from the pear she was holding in her hand to the old woman that cared for the stand, who instead of tensing up under her gaze like everyone else had done simply smiled at Catra from behind her gigantic glasses. She doubted the woman even recognized who Catra was probably due to her clearly terrible eyesight, which she was grateful for as she dug her nails into the piece of fruit she was holding.

Catra’s first instinct was to tell She-Ra that she didn’t need a walking planner to follow her everywhere announcing her day’s duties. What she did instead was put the piece of fruit back where she had taken it from in a remarkable show of self control and slowly turn around to face her wife.

“Thanks” is all she said, unwilling to give her any other sign of compliance. After that, Catra looked away and started walking back to the facility where the cadet practice would take place.

If acting friendly around Adora was hard for her, acting just normal around She-Ra had proven to be an almost impossible task for Catra. Of course she was aware both were the same person; she wasn’t stupid. But the mere sight of She-Ra reminded her of everything that’d happened so long ago, and eventually her brain had started to link She-Ra to the loss of her friend.

It was like the warrior was a whole different person; someone that had stolen Adora from her to be more precise. In a weird way the thought of that made Catra feel slightly better, as it put the blame of Adora’s betrayal on someone other than herself.

Putting the blame on someone else had become Catra’s most resorted method of coping with her problems.

“I’ve been thinking” _of course you have_ Catra thought while listening to She-Ra’s words. “Perhaps it would be good for me to actually participate today in the cadet practice.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea” Catra replied without moving her head to look at the other woman. The mere sight of her made the people around them stand up straight and stare, waiting for the marriage to go out of their line of sight before relaxing once more.

“Why not? I think the cadets hate me. Probably because they only know me as your weird bulky wife that stares at them while they fight each other” hearing She-Ra refer to herself as her wife made Catra grimace. “And they have a point, so maybe participating would help them see me as one of them?”

She had a point. Catra hated it.

“So you think the cadets hate you, and to fix that you propose fighting them when you will clearly overpower any of those wimps?”

At that She-Ra rolled her eyes skyward in annoyance, and then added with a sharp tone:

“No. I propose I fight you.”

“Fight me?” Her words finally drew Catra’s attention to She-Ra, who stared right back at her with a cocky smile dangled on the corner of her lips. It almost felt like a dare, and Catra wasn’t one to back away from a challenge.

The woman stopped walking, and as She-Ra caught up to her she simply stared back by tilting her head backwards due to the significant height difference between the two. For the first time since her arrival, She-Ra seemed to feel comfortable enough to show a playful smile like the one she was giving Catra at that moment.

Getting She-Ra to relax around her was part of Catra’s plan, but warning signs went off in her mind when she recognized the Adora she used to know behind She-Ra’s eyes and it wasn’t as easy to ignore as she’d initially hoped. Her presence felt like a hand on Catra’s neck; it constantly constricted her but in a sick way she couldn’t help it but appreciate being able to feel something at all, even if it took something as puzzling and painful as that smile to do so. It’d been so long.

 

Catra ended their public stare-down by offering She-Ra her hand, who immediately grasped it with her own.

“So” She-Ra started. “What does this mean?”

“It means you just offered that I beat your ass” Catra replied, this time being her own face the one that bore a cocky smile. “And I accept.”

***

The situation with Catra had incredibly improved during Adora’s first month living in the Fright Zone.

The woman still seemed tense around her, and every even slightly kind word she threw She-Ra’s way felt highly disingenuous. Still, she couldn’t complain; it was better that bickering back and forth with the woman day and night about their ghosts from the past like they had been doing during the first week of their cohabitation.

Even though Catra showed no signs of wanting to discuss their past, present or future circumstances, Adora hadn’t given up hope of being able to speak with her and at the very least get to a neutral point that would help Catra be able to look at her without furrowing her brows. Her looks of scorn were starting to get to Adora in a more profound way than she was willing to admit to herself.

Both women arrived to the cadet training facility where the rookies had already started practicing in couples.

“How come you don’t use the projector anymore?” She-Ra asked, her eyes fixed on the glass that separated them from the cadets. Adora remembered fighting the fictitious images of what they were taught princesses looked like when she was a cadet herself in that same room.

“We still use it, just not as much. Hordak believes it’s better that the veterans help train the cadets personally. Supposedly it creates a feeling of comradery or some shit.”

Despite Catra’s indifferent way of expression, She-Ra perfectly understood the reasoning behind the decision she spoke about. For a moment it shocked her that Hordak would even care that their cadets felt comfortable and close to the other members of the Horde, but she quickly remembered that there was an ill, selfish intent behind everything he did. The man probably just wanted them to feel more connected to their cause so it would be harder for them to betray them. Like Adora herself did many years ago.

Adora told herself she would’ve eventually left them even if Hordak had introduced such methods of consolidation earlier on, but for a moment she wasn’t completely sure that would be true.

“So, what do I get when I win?”

She-Ra tilted her head to the side to look at her wife, who stood perfectly still with the exception of her softly wagging tail, her arms crossed at her chest’s height. Her feline eyes were fixated on the clear glass in front of them, but She-Ra knew she was dying to get a look of her face.

“ _If_ you win” She-Ra corrected her, annoyed by her arrogance, although a secret part of her enjoyed it; Catra’s smugness reminding her of older times “you can get whatever you want. But if I win, I get the bed.”

“The bed?” Finally Catra turned her head to face her as well, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. “That’s all you want?”

“You wouldn’t be asking that if you had been sleeping on the floor for the last month.”

“Touché” Catra looked away at that, and She-Ra felt disappointed that she’d lost her attention. Her own reaction made her feel stupid. “Then if I win you’ll spend a whole day without turning into She-Ra.”

She frowned.

“I can’t do that. Hordak asked that I take She-Ra’s form everywhere I go in public. There’s no limit to what he’ll do to me if I don’t do what he says.”

“Well…” The other woman shrugged, tightening her lips in a sarcastic smile and glancing back at She-Ra again. This time, she didn’t appreciate it as much as before. “Then I guess you better win.”

With that said Catra walked past her making it her mission to squeeze herself in the spot between She-Ra and the glass in front of them, when there was a perfectly empty space behind her where she could have made her way through without any obstacles. She smelled of mint gum and smoke, and it startled Adora how quick she was to describe the scent to herself.

Entering the room, she was immediately faced by the same people they were spying on through the glass a moment ago, including those she dreaded to face; Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio.

In reality it wasn’t all of her teammates she feared to face; Kyle and Rogelio were pretty easy to deal with since Kyle was too scared to even look her away and Rogelio was too intent on ignoring her to make She-Ra uncomfortable. The real problem was Lonnie, who now stared at her with her head slightly tilted backwards as she gave the warrior a defying stare. It didn’t matter how many times she entered that room, Adora would never get used to Lonnie’s attitude.

Seemingly unaware of their presence, Rogelio and Kyle were still demonstrating how to correct their fighting stance to the cadets that were assigned to them during practice. It shocked Adora how much Kyle had grown in terms of confidence, for even if he still looked like the same shaky kid from ten years ago, he now explained to the rookie how to improve his fighting movements like it was second nature to him. He’d always been better at talking than doing, so in retrospect it did make sense.

“Okay, step aside” everyone turned around to face Catra at the sound of her voice, the cadets shaking in their boots as they obeyed her orders. She-Ra wondered what she had done in front of - or to - those kids for them to fear her so much, but decided not to dwell into it too much for her own peace of mind. “We’re doing something slightly different today.”

“Says who?” Lonnie replied in a disapproving tone. It was clear to She-Ra that she was mad that someone she hated so much as Catra got the position she so intensely desired for so long, which she couldn't blame her for.

“Says your superior” the feline’s reply earned her more than one worried glance, but never once did Catra acknowledge Lonnie beyond that point. Adora was amazed to see how much Catra had grown as well, and how much more mature she was now. Of course judging by how childish she used to be, it must have been easy for Catra to significantly improve on that field, but it didn't make it less impressive.

After pressing her lips together, clearly forcing herself to contain whichever words were about to leave her mouth, Lonnie simply glanced at She-Ra and looked her up and down with disdain before walking to the same side of the room as everyone else. Catra signaled for She-Ra to approach her and the woman obeyed, walking toward the center of the room until she was standing in front of her wife.

It was hard to ignore the young cadets, and even harder to ignore her ex teammates, but Adora had already spent a month living there and there were still five more to go. It was about time they got used to her presence. She was trying her best to do the same.

“So. Knowing how to handle your weapons is important and all that, but you know what’s almost as important?” Catra looked at the cadets with one hand on her hip, using the other one to point at them. When every single one of the scared looking kids failed to answer, Catra simply kept going. “Knowing how to fight without a weapon. You never know what’s going to happen in the battleground” as she explained herself the woman started to walk in a parallel line in front of their audience, whose eyes followed her every move. “One second you have your gun in one hand, and the next one…”

Instead of finishing her sentence Catra quickly stepped to the side and put her forearm against one of the cadets’ neck and pressed the side of her body against the girl to pin her to the wall, who gasped in shock and grabbed up at the arm constricting her breathing. She-Ra as well as everyone else in the room suddenly tensed up, surprised by the turn of events. If Catra wanted to make sure they were paying attention, she definitely could be sure now.

“You don't.”

With their faces threateningly close, Catra stared at her victim’s terrified eyes for a long second before letting go of her and taking a step back. The girl immediately started panting, bringing a hand to her neck as if she had to make sure it was still there. Once she was in her line of sight She-Ra checked to see if the girl was okay, realizing her cheeks were tinted red. She wasn’t so sure it was only prompted by the shock of Catra’s sudden actions, but then again she didn't want to think about that.

“So my wife here and I are going to give you all a small demonstration on how to defend yourselves without a weapon” Catra made her way back to She-Ra deliberately slowly, standing only a few feet away from her. “We have our history together on body-to-body combat.”

Adora tried her best not to read too much into Catra’s words, but it was hard judging by the intense stare she was sending She-Ra’s way, and she was left wondering if her sentence hid a second meaning when the woman suddenly pounced at her.

She-Ra barely had time to jump out of Catra’s way, who still managed to grab her by the arm and jerk her body backwards until she tripped over the feline’s leg, falling to the floor with an audible whine.

“That wasn’t fair” she quickly remarked. As embarrassing as it was to fall to the ground as quick as that in front of everyone, it only was worsened by the fact that She-Ra felt she had something to prove to them. Even if they were living together, the members of the Horde were still her biggest enemies. She needed to make sure they knew what she was capable of.

“As you see, there isn’t such thing as fair when it comes to combat” Catra now ignored her completely as she turned around to face their public, looking at the rookies as they stared at her with admiration and laughed at She-Ra without even trying to hide it. “If your enemy is bigger and or stronger than you, you need to exploit their weaknesses. Be quicker, think faster.”

Was she calling her stupid? She-Ra was already standing up by the time Catra got to that part of her speech, and it was now her time to play dirty. She stealthily approached her adversary and grasped at her arms from behind, but by the time her hands made their way there Catra’s figure had completely disappeared.

Her slender body slipped away from She-Ra’s grasp by sliding to her right, where Catra took the chance to elbow her rival on the ribs. She groaned and winced at the impact, but it didn’t stop there. A second blow this time by Catra’s fist was directed to her face, but She-Ra intercepted the punch with her palm and held her attacker’s stare for a moment before deciding she wouldn’t show her as much mercy as she’d initially intended.

Once she had a hold on Catra all it took was a small pull from her strong arm to throw her on the floor. Then she immediately moved to straddle her victim and keep her locked in place, which came surprisingly easy. It was almost as if Catra allowed her to take a seat on her stomach, but instead of questioning it She-Ra simply pressed her knees against both sides of her body to keep her locked in place and pinned her arms to the floor by her hands. She then smiled, victorious.

“Physically strong opponents may look scary at first” Catra explained trying to keep the pain from reflecting on her voice. Her speech was supposed to apply to any given combat situation, but She-Ra couldn’t help but feel hurt by the following words. “But don’t let their muscles trick you, most of the time strength is all they have going for them. You just need to find a distraction, and again be faster.”

With that said Catra bent her legs to plant her feet on the floor and apply pressure upwards with her hips against She-Ra’s body. Of course the woman’s first instinct was to move her torso back to force her to put her legs down once more, but the second her attention was away from Catra’s hands the woman slid them out of her grasp and wriggled her body out of the confinement of She-Ra’s legs. She couldn’t even grab her leg before Catra stood up, wasting no time as she put her foot on her adversary’s shoulder and used it to propel herself and jump over her head.

She-Ra had to press her forearms to the floor as to avoid hitting it with her face, and was too disoriented at first to stand up as she glanced around looking for her. It wasn’t until she turned her head around and started to stand up that she saw Catra’s punch moving way too fast toward her face.

This time the woman did manage to land her hit on She-Ra’s cheek, who still wasn’t stable enough on her feet to avoid falling back on the ground. Someone gasped on the other side of the room.

Dazed and sore She-Ra closed her eyes and opened her mouth, hearing something click on her jaw and knowing she would feel the consequences of that punch for at least the next two weeks.

“See?” She heard the other say triumphantly, turning then around to see Catra with her back turned against her in a cocky stance. “It’s all about knowing your enemy, really. There’s nothing scary about someone whose only remarkable asset is hitting hard.”

That was the last straw for She-Ra, who finally decided she would stop holding back from that point on. If Catra wanted to really play dirty, she would have to play dirty back.

“Fine. You win” She-Ra muttered low enough so that Catra could barely even hear her, moving to sit in a more comfortable position on the ground.

“Sorry, what was that?” The other replied turning around and signaling to her own ear. “I didn’t really hear it.”

“I said you win” she said in an even lower tone of voice and tilting her head forward, knowing good and well it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy Catra’s need to show off in front of everyone.

“I just…” Finally the girl decided to approach her, crouching down in front of She-Ra full of arrogance. “I can’t really hear you. Did you say I win?”

She-Ra opened her mouth, looking up at Catra as if to repeat her words, but by the time she made sure the other had finally put her guard down she knew it was her moment to strike back.

It wasn’t as quick as Catra’s movements, but throwing her arm around her opponent’s neck and pressing one knee on the floor to get enough stability to turn her whole body around and slam the woman’s back against the ground was all she needed now that her smugness had once more gotten the best of Catra.

The whole situation reminded Adora so much of her childhood that for a moment the pain in her chest made her forget about how much her ribs and jaw were hurting.

Catra let out a shriek as her body hit the cold ground but as quick as she was knocked down she tried to get back up on her feet. She-Ra put her knee on Catra’s chest to keep her in place, but the feline just had to dig her nails on her thigh to get the woman to move it away. Still, She-Ra wouldn’t make it that easy to slip away from her grasp again.

As Catra turned around to dash and put more space between them She-Ra grabbed at her calf and forced her to fall on all fours. Catra turned around to lay back on the floor propping herself up with her forearms and kicked at She-Ra’s face with her other foot, but She-Ra was determined not to let go even if her life depended on it. With a quick pull she slid Catra’s body under hers once more and tried to get her in a headlock, but the moment the pressure on her leg was just slightly reduced Catra just easily got out of her restraint.

For once instead of trying to escape Catra decided to fight back by bending her legs and putting her feet on She-Ra’s lower stomach, suddenly straightening her knees and sending the woman flying back.

She landed with a thud and gasped for air when she felt Catra’s weight almost immediately fall on her chest. Instinctively She-Ra grabbed the leg attached to the feet that was applying pressure on her chest and twisted it, forcing Catra to turn and bend until her knees hit the floor once more.

Finally She-Ra could push her to the ground so she fell face first, and without being able to see her it was harder for Catra to anticipate her actions. She-Ra took advantage of the situation and struck Catra’s back with her elbow to send her back to the floor when she tried to stand up. She then quickly leaned forward, putting one leg on each side of her body again and sliding her arms in the space between Catra’s shoulders and the floor to then intertwine her fingers at the back of Catra’s head, successfully restraining her movements.

Clawing and groaning ensued, but She-Ra already knew she’d won. There was no way for Catra to escape; her face was squashed against the ground and her arms were completely immobilized by She-Ra’s.  
The adrenaline of the moment made She-Ra let out a laugh, clearly proud of herself. Catra's movements hurt She-Ra’s shoulder from how hard she was trying to get rid of her, so she couldn’t even imagine how much they must have been hurting Catra herself. It was only a practice, it’s not like they were risking their lives in that combat. But then, why was she still fighting back so hard even when everyone clearly realized she'd already lost?

She-Ra turned her head to the contrary side, feeling her neck hurt from holding that position for so long, and suddenly seeing Catra’s face froze the proud smile that had appeared on her lips.

She was crying.

As if crying was a medical condition that they needed to take care of, She-Ra looked up at everyone else in the room looking for help. From that distance there was no way they were able to see the tears rolling on Catra’s face as she groaned and shook on the ground beneath She-Ra’s body, but they clearly knew who the winner of the fight was. Lonnie had a huge smile on her face; you would think she was the one that just beat Catra in a fight. The cadets were whispering and throwing them looks that ranged from amused to disappointed.

That’s when it hit her why Catra was so intent on winning their fight, even if it meant hurting herself in the process. It wasn’t just a simple training fight that she was using as a teaching method for the cadets; she was trying to assert her dominance in front of them. Everywhere she went Catra always felt she had something to prove, and this clearly was no exception. Allowing them to see her lose was already bad enough, but having them see her beaten by the living image of their opponents whose power she always belittled whenever there was a chance was straight up humiliating.

Catra had already cried enough because of her, Adora thought. She could have this fight.

Slowly peeling her fingers away from Catra’s body, She-Ra made sure not to stand too quickly as to not make it seem like she was moving away on purpose. She slightly propped herself up on her knees to allow Catra enough room to turn around beneath her and suddenly escape her constraints, making She-Ra be the one to fall face first to the floor when Catra was no longer there to support her body.

Luckily the woman did a good job of concealing her intentions, because as soon as she heard the cadets gasp in surprise Catra was already laying on her back and grabbing her leg to bend it backwards. She-Ra howled at the sudden twinge on pain on her leg and slammed her hand on the floor in sincere agony.

“Okay, okay” she managed to let out, panting. “I surrender, please let go before you break my leg.”

Catra didn’t let go of her at first, and She-Ra had to tilt her head with her cheek smashed against the cold floor to be able to glance at her face from the corner of her eye. She was staring right back her with a frown and something in her eyes that told She-Ra she knew what she’d just done for her.

Luckily for She-Ra’s wellbeing it only took Catra a few seconds to let go of her leg, and she decided to just lay face down for a long moment before even attempting to stand up.  
When she did Catra was there, staring directly into her with a puzzled look on her face and something like annoyance in her eyes which still hadn't completely dried down.

“It’s your turn” Catra was clearly referring to the cadets, but she didn’t peel her gaze away from She-Ra for one second. She did the same. “Groups of two. Fight.”


	7. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inevitable finally happens.

It wasn’t uncommon for Catra to stay silent as she and She-Ra made their way back to their bedroom once all the activities they were supposed to partake in the day were done, but this time there was a heavy, uncomfortable undertone to the silence they shared.

She-Ra and her had come to an unspoken agreement that, until further notice, they would not exchange a word to one another after the situation that’d just taken place during cadet training. The other woman hadn’t dared to mention the incident, and Catra was more than happy to ignore the issue for the time being.  
They carried on with the rest of their tasks for the day, and after a very frustratingly fruitless reunion with some of the agents that had infiltrated the people of the Horde that had been tasked with reporting back to them anything that could be considered as suspicious behavior, She-Ra and Catra were finally free.

The question that had been on Catra’s mind for almost the whole day made its way to the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it right back down for the millionth time. It was a simple question, but one so hard to ask.

Why had she done it?

Adora had already beat her and earned the price they’d settled on, not to mention she had won something even better than that; the opportunity to ridicule Catra in front of everyone and assert her position as the superior one of the couple.  
Catra knew she wouldn’t have hesitated to absolutely humiliate her if their fight had taken place in Castle Bright Moon with all the princesses watching them. Getting to ridicule Adora in front of her own people would’ve been the most satisfying thing to happen to Catra in years.

But, as always, Adora had to come up with some weird, confusing way to twist the situation and make Catra feel like shit. The woman had a serious case of martyr complex.  
Even though Catra wasn’t one to talk about her feelings, she also wasn’t willing to allow Adora to mess with her head; whether she did it on purpose or not was irrelevant.

Eventually She-Ra and she arrived at their dormitory, but instead of entering the room with her when Catra opened the door to the room, the other lingered in the corridor for a moment while rubbing her arm in a clearly uneasy manner. Catra made it her mission to not look back at her, tilting her ears backwards to focus her hearing on the space She-Ra occupied behind her.

As Catra walked into the room and started taking off her belt in a mindless gesture that helped her stay focused on the other woman’s actions, She-Ra audibly sighed and softly tapped the door frame with the palm of her hand before taking a step away from the room. Before she could get too far, Catra spoke with an emotionless tone and her voice just loud enough to know the woman would hear her.

“Don’t leave.”

 

The moment those words left her lips, Catra immediately heard She-Ra’s steps come to a stop. It did however take her long enough to walk back to their room that Catra considered the possibility that She-Ra may actually ignore her and walk away.  
Luckily she realized that wasn’t the case as she heard the woman make her way back to their room, closing the door behind her. The sound of steps ceased at that point, and Catra was forced to be the one to speak since She-Ra was apparently resolved to not be the one that broke the silence.

Before saying anything, the woman carefully calculated and measured her words as she always did, making sure she didn’t say too much or too little. It was hard for her to express herself through words rather than actions, but this time she had no choice. She had finally decided to face Adora, and the issue was deeper than just her giving up on their fight.

She knew the meaning of her decision was more intense than just Adora feeling bad for her at that moment, which was the main reason why confronting her about it was so hard and emotionally draining for Catra.

The feline slowly made her way to the bed, dropping herself on it rather than sitting down. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her thighs, her head slightly tilted forward as she fixed her gaze on the floor in front of her.

“Why did you do it?” It was the only way she had to word everything she wanted to ask Adora in less than a thousand words.

Without looking at her Catra could only see a beam of light from the corner of her eye when She-Ra transformed, and as she looked up at her she was suddenly faced by the image of a defeated looking Adora. Once she had her full attention, the woman shrugged and opened her mouth, but no words came out. She closed it again and looked away, and Catra could almost see the nuts and screws turning in her head. She was calculating her words a little to much for her liking, especially since Catra did that herself anytime she wanted to come up with a believable way to avoid speaking the truth.

“Just say it” Catra let out, straightening her back and resting the palms of her hands on her knees as she dug her long nails on the fabric she felt underneath them. The pain helped her concentrate on what she was saying instead of what she was feeling, and it’d become a common practice for her that had left more than one imprint on her body.

“You were crying” Adora finally let the words go, visibly scared of what the consequences of doing so would be. Catra knew it was coming, but it still bothered her to hear the following part. “I felt bad.”

“You felt bad for me.”

“Yes” she confirmed, this time slightly less hesitant and more determined than before. “Is that so terrible?”

“It’s not terrible” Catra replied, now looking back at her wife with her brows bumped together in a scowl. “It’s just stupid.”

“Why?” Adora seemed confused by Catra’s words. “So I have to keep sleeping on the floor and avoid Hordak for a day, big deal. I don’t care.”

“The prize doesn’t matter, I just want to know why you would sacrifice it for me, cause I sure as hell wouldn’t have done the same for you.”

“I don’t know, Catra” she replied, bringing a hand to her forehead in an irritated gesture. “I just… I still care about you. I can’t help it.” Adora’s statement held more power than she apparently realized judging by the lightness with which she handled the topic at hand. “I wish I could. But since I can’t, I hope this at least proves it to you.” 

The positive meaning behind the other’s words was lost as they made their way to Catra, as they did nothing to mitigate her confusion. The effect was quite the opposite; her way of speaking now reminded her of a princess and forced her to remember once more those she had chosen over her.

“How can you say you care about me” Catra let out a disbelieving chuckle, forcing herself to look away as to keep her hostility under control. Just arguing wasn’t Catra’s main objective for once; she actually wanted Adora to understand where she was coming from. “You abandoned me. You’ve tried to kill me. How does letting me win in a stupid fight like this one prove anything Adora?”

“I didn’t abandon you” Catra could almost hear the hurt in Adora’s voice, but her own pain overcame any sympathy that this could have sparked on her. “I’m sorry I left you Catra, but you didn’t leave me any other choice.”

“I did!” the woman yelled, slamming her fist into the bedside table next to her hard enough to make Adora jump. “I asked you to stay” Catra added, now standing up and staring directly at Adora with no hesitation in her gaze. There were no tears in her eyes this time, just pure determination as she finally got to speak the words that had crossed her mind every time she had seen the other woman for the last ten years of her life. “And you said no. You left me here, alone. Knowing what you know, what could have happened to me.”

That seemed to leave Adora speechless for a moment, and Catra took the chance to keep speaking.

“And actually, you know what? I think I need to thank you for that,” Catra opened her arms in a proud stance. “Because if you hadn’t left, no one would have ever even looked in my direction. You always have to be the first one, the best one, the one everyone loved. The day you left I actually felt…” she looked around, as if she was physically searching for a word to express herself. “Free. You weren’t holding me back anymore and Hordak finally noticed my potential. With you gone, getting rid of Shadow Weaver was about the easiest thing I have ever done” she laughed at that point, crossing her arms and turning around like Adora wasn’t deserving of her attention anymore. “So yeah, I guess I’m second-in-command thanks to you. I appreciate it, really.”

***

How letting Catra win the fight and giving up the right to sleep on the bed had lead to her being scolded was completely beyond Adora.

Truth is, she had hoped the sacrifice would pay eventually off; Catra would see it as the kind gesture it truly was, she would finally start opening up to Adora and they would be able to calmly discuss their situation once and for all.

Well, at least they were discussing their situation, but calmly was the last word to describe the way it was happening.

“I just don’t understand how me trying to help you has gotten me into this position” she expressed with genuine confusion in her voice. “I’m really sorry that you feel that way but-”

“I don’t want to hear it” Catra put her hand up in an arrogant demeanor, like she was speaking to a misbehaving child. “ _I’m sorry you feel that way_ , how about you’re sorry you treated me like a piece of shit?”

Adora opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it once more. It was hard to come to the conclusion that there was truth in Catra’s harsh words. Despite how blunt she was being about presenting her points, they weren’t lies, and that realization made Adora feel an enormous amount of guilt.

“What?” Now that she had finally started talking, Catra apparently wasn’t planning on letting the subject go any time soon. “Cat got your tongue?” Adora was forced to look away as mismatched eyes pierced right through her, but her attention was brought right back to her wife when she felt a finger push her by the chest. She slapped it away. “C’mon, I thought you wanted to talk.”

“I do. But not like this.”

“How? With me telling you the truth instead of you embellishing what happened to make yourself look better?”

“No-” Adora whispered, looking down at her own feet and rubbed her hands together in a nervous manner.

“You don’t care about me” Catra cut her off before she could even form a coherent thought. “You never did. You don’t do what you did to someone you care about.”

“Of course I cared about you” a teary eyed Adora yelled, looking up at Catra. “I loved you.”

“Shut up” Catra muttered with a clenched jaw, hard eyes, and steely voice.

“I swear, this was never my intention. Do you think it makes me happy to fight you?” Adora brought her closed fists to her own face and pressed them against her eyes in a futile attempt to keep the tears from rolling down her face. She let out a sound that she hoped conveyed her frustration. “I hate myself for what I did to you. I wish I came back for you when I could.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

That wasn’t the response Adora was expecting from the other. As she removed her hands from her eyes to be faced by an angry Catra, she noticed the woman was almost begging for her answer. It wasn’t lies she wanted to hear, all she needed was closure.

“I waited for you. Every day I thought about you and about when you would come back for me, even if it just was to try and get me to join you. You only remembered I existed when I got in your way. You just wanted a fucking enemy to feel better about yourself, about the stupid decisions you were making” Catra almost spat the words, visibly disgusted by the actions she was describing. “So just give me a good reason. Why didn’t you come back for me when you could?”

“I-” why didn’t she? Adora was not capable of voicing out loud her real motives in front of Catra without hanging her head in shame. She was scared of what Catra thought of her. She was selfish and unwilling to give up her newfound power. She had been seduced by the recognition and praise offered by the Rebellion, and to be completely honest it had been easier to paint Catra as a bad person for not wanting to join her immediately than admitting she simply was terrified of losing She-Ra. It had gotten to the point were Adora couldn’t recognize herself in the mirror sometimes, but how and when had she let it get that bad?

“Why?” Catra insisted after not getting an answer from an agitated Adora, who simply glanced back at her and stood silent like an idiot. The feline replied by shoving the woman to the wall behind her. Adora let out a gasp at the impact, but didn’t say a word. 

All she could do to protect herself was put her arms between her and Catra as she kept on pushing, shoving, and yelling at her. Adora’s mind traveled to somewhere else as she received every single blow without fighting back, knowing she deserved them. Her sobs were drowned out by the sound of Catra’s voice, who repeated the same question over and over like a broken record.  
_Why?_

It wasn’t clear how much time they’d spent like that; it could’ve been two minutes or two hours for all Adora knew. Catra threw a punch at her chest, slapped her arm away when Adora tried to cover herself, screamed at her. At a certain point both of them started sobbing almost at unison, letting out the frustration that they had buried deep within their hearts for years.

It didn’t need to be said out loud that they were not arguing simply because of Adora’s seeming lack of interest in staying by Catra’s side. The issue had a deeper root they’d never truly discussed, which went as far back as to when they were just kids trying to gain approval from a woman they considered to be like their mother. Adora could feel her heart beating so fast it wouldn’t have been a shock if it had suddenly popped out of her chest.

Eventually Catra stopped trying to hit her, and as a tired excuse for a slap made its way to Adora’s shoulder she felt the hand linger there longer than expected. Her back was against the wall and her head was tilted to the right, avoiding to look at Catra due to the shame she was feeling for not being able to confront her for an answer for such a simple question.

Upon realizing Catra was not hitting her anymore Adora slowly put her arms down, her chest suddenly shaking as she tried to take in a deep breath between sobs. She took pride in how much she had grown as a woman in the last few years, but that moment made her realize just how vulnerable and emotional she still was. And maybe that was okay.

Wrapped up in her own thoughts Adora didn’t realize Catra’s sudden movements as she pulled on her shoulder and eliminated the distance between their bodies by practically slamming them together.  
The blonde’s initial reaction was to tense up, caught off guard by the sudden change in Catra’s behavior. She stood still confused and still expecting to receive a hit at any given moment, but instead she all of a sudden wrapped her arms around Adora and hugged her leaving the woman speechless once more.

Adora’s legs felt weak as a whole new wave of emotions overcame her body, and with Catra now putting her whole weight on her as she digged her nose in her wife’s chest she had no choice but to slide her back down the wall until they reached the floor.

While sitting there both became a mess of tangled limbs, with Adora burying her face on Catra’s hair and digging her fingers on her back like she was afraid if she let go even in the slightest she would slip away from her grasp once more, putting an end to a hug she had been waiting for for the last ten years.

Neither of them said anything, relieved and confused by their own actions at equal amounts but unwilling to let go as they knew what doing so would ensue. The moment they were set free and came back to their senses, there would be no more excuses to hold one another anymore and they would be forced to acknowledge the situation.

They spent most of the night embracing each other and ignoring the inevitable consequences that their actions would have the next morning, wrapped up in a moment Adora wished would go on forever.

***

\- 14 YEARS BEFORE -

“Catra?”

She heard her friend's voice calling her name and a pair of cat ears instantly shot up searching for the source of the sound.

Still, knowing Adora was the one looking for her and perfectly aware that the girl wouldn't laugh at her despite her state, Catra refused to get out of her hiding spot under the bed.

The two girls had spent too much time together - their whole lives in fact so looking around the room it wasn't hard at all for Adora to find her best friend after a couple of failed attempts. The blonde raised the hanging part of the sheet she had used herself to make the bed that same morning, and found Catra laying face down with her arms crossed and her chin testing on top of her hands.

They made eye contact instantly, and Catra held Adora's gaze until the latter finally gave in, sighed and slid under the bed right next to her. Catra scooted over in silence to let her join, frowning in an attempt to distract Adora from the fact that her eyes were red and trying to forget how they felt on fire.

“Are you okay?”

Catra shrugged at that, looking down at the floor in front of her and moving her tail from one side to the other in a sign of discomfort. Not because of Adora's presence, she was the only thing that made living there a little less of a nightmare, but she already knew that. Catra didn't need to say it.

“I'm sorry about what happened.”

“It's not your fault” Catra replied, rubbing her nose on her arm to try and dry it off. “It's me I guess.”

“Of course it's not!” Her friend fought back, tilting her head to the side to try and confront Catra's eyes. The other simply moved her head in the other direction to avoid hers. “How is getting beat up by Lonnie your fault? She's mean, and she's just jealous you're faster and better than her.”

Adora's words of praise did make Catra feel slightly better.

“It's not just her” she continued, studying the inner part of the sheet hanging next to her face like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “No one likes me here.”

“I like you.”

“I know. But you're one person” Catra replied, finally giving in and saying what had truly been bothering her so much. “Not even Shadow Weaver likes me.”

“Of course she does. I told her what happened and she said she'd talk to Lonnie.”

“Yeah, because you told her” hearing the jealousy and bitterness in her own words made Catra mad at herself.

“It would have been the same if you were the one that told her” it was almost ridiculous how unaware Adora was of the seemingly obvious preference Shadow Weaver had for her over Catra.

“Sure” was all Catra muttered in response unwilling to get into it at the moment. Her shoulder and leg hurt bad enough from wrestling with the other girl, and she was pretty sure Shadow Weaver would end up coming to punish her as well even though it was Lonnie who instigated the fight. She wasn't in the mood for more arguing.

“C'mon” Adora muttered using that tone of voice that made her friend forgive anything she did. “You have me.”

At that Catra finally turned her head to look at Adora, whose eyes almost glowed in the dark. Her tail touched the cold floor and it immediately tensed up and shivered in surprise, calming back down just as fast.

She sent her friend a sarcastic look, like saying that wasn't something to be too proud of, and Adora recognized it immediately and reacted accordingly.

“Hey, what's that look supposed to mean?”

The words made Catra laugh and tilt her head forward again to hide her face between her arms, and she also heard Adora laugh besides her as well.

As every time she looked for comfort, the feline turned to Adora and curled herself against her stomach, agreeing to showing that much vulnerability but not willing to show the other her face.  
And as always Adora moved to help her fit in that space, using her hand to scratch the space between her ears. Catra purred contentedly in response.

“Don't worry” Adora whispered words of comfort in her ear. “I will protect you.”

She appreciated her friend to no end, but what Adora didn't and would probably never understand is that all Catra wanted was to be able to protect herself.


	8. Baby steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora honors their bet and Lonnie doesn't seem happy about it.

Catra woke up the next morning laying in bed with her face still wet from the night before and her throat feeling so tight and sore it hurt to swallow.

For a very short second she didn’t remember the events of the night before, but soon a flood of memories rushed to her brain making her skin crawl at the image of herself crying on Adora’s shoulder.  
It was stupid and weak of her to do that, and what was even worse, she had no way of blaming what happened on Adora anymore.

Catra was the one that started the conversation. She was the one that started crying. And she knew she was supposed to feel dumb for her overreactions, but for some reason all she could feel at the moment was relief.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders now that she had finally been able to tell Adora how she felt, and only now was Catra realising just how important talking about her feelings actually was. She felt renewed, if only slightly embarrassed, but the fact that Adora had cried along with her and acted just as much as a baby lessened the feeling in a very perverted way.

Nevertheless, having to face Adora after such a heartfelt and vulnerable experience seemed like the biggest challenge Catra had ever had to overcome.

She considered faking sleep just to avoid confronting the woman, which after thinking about it seemed not only childish but also a pretty useless thing to do since inevitably she would have to get up eventually to meet with Hordak for their weekly reunions. And being late was, of course, not an option.

Dreading the confrontation that was about to take place, Catra still took her time getting up in hopes that the problem would somehow disappear by itself if she just waited. When that didn’t seem to happen, the woman curled her fist around the sheets she had her face buried on before finally turning around to face the ceiling. She dried her still slightly wet cheeks with her fingers and then slowly sat up as she ran a hand through her tangled mane of hair.

The room was still dark; as always not even a ray of sunlight came in through the window thanks to the way the building had been constructed, blocking the morning sun from entering most rooms.

Catra was more than happy to use the darkness as a shield when facing Adora, so now with just a little more confidence she tilted her body to look at the place on the floor where her wife spent her nights, only to realize that there was no one there. Her immediate reaction was to frown and look up and around the room expecting to find her somewhere else, but after getting up and inspecting every corner in the dark she came to the realization that Adora had probably left without waking her up.

Although she could understand why the other had done such a thing, the fact that she had left without trying to speak to Catra about the previous night hurt her for reasons she was now painfully aware of.

There was nothing else for Catra to do in that room but prepare for what she was expecting to be a very long day. Her puffy eyed reflection in the mirror when she reached the bathroom showed someone Catra hadn’t seen in a while; a version of herself that exuded a feeling of contentment that surprised her. It had been a long time since she’d find herself to be so rested and calm as opposed to how she expected to be reacting to the events of the night before.

It only took her fifteen minutes to get ready and be out of the bedroom, heading towards the meeting room where most of their reunions took place and where she assumed Hordak would be waiting for her. Catra felt like every single person that walked past her was sending her weird looks, and even though it was probably just her being paranoid she made sure to give everyone a hard stare back just in case.

Catra was expecting to find Hordak, She-Ra, Lonnie, Rogelio and Kyle already waiting for her since she was a few minutes late already, but once she reached the meeting room and entered only Hordak was there waiting for her. He sat on one end of the table on the opposite side of the room to where the door she was walking in through was, so as soon as she opened it she was faced by the man’s fiery gaze.

“You’re late.”

“Sorry” she replied, trying to sound as normal as possible. Why did she need to fake normal? She hadn’t done anything wrong, or at least that’s what Catra was trying to tell herself. “I’m the first one to get here though, aren’t I?”

“It would appear so” Hordak confirmed, not moving his eyes from her as she made her way across the room to take a seat in her usual place at his right. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah” Catra tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Why?”

“You seem…” he looked her up and down once before fixating his gaze once again in Catra’s eyes. “Agitated.”

“I didn’t get too much sleep.”

“Hm.”

The woman had no clue what she was doing fo him to act so suspicious, but it was clear her responses hadn’t been enough to appease Hordak’s curiosity.

“Where’s everyone?” She tried to change where the conversation was headed, looking at the door as to avoid Hordak, perfectly aware he still hadn’t stopped staring at her with that terrifying gaze of his.

“Did something happen last night?”

Catra immediately froze upon hearing that sentence, forcing herself to turn her head to face the man. Why was she so scared? Nothing bad had happened, but admitting to breaking down in front of Adora the way she did felt embarrassing and dangerous in equal amounts.

“No, why?”

“I heard some noises coming from your room. I considered checking in on you, but I considered you’d be able to deal with whatever was happening on your own. Was that the case?”

Now staring back at him, Catra swallowed.

“Yes.”

He sat silent for a long moment, but eventually replied:

“Good.”

Once the conversation was over Hordak made no efforts to start a new one and neither did Catra. Shortly after their awkward interaction Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio finally arrived, and it was the first time ever the sight of her ex teammates made Catra happy. One by one they made their way into the room, taking their respective seats.  
There were no comments made about the fact that they had been late, and Hordak didn’t ask like he’d done with Catra, which made her wonder if he had anything to do with the fact that they had joined them later than usual. And if so, what the purpose of such a thing was.

Still, She-Ra was nowhere to be found.

“Should we start?” Lonnie finally stated after a very short waiting time, clearly glad she got a chance to let She-Ra out of the reunion.

“We can wait a couple more minutes” Hordak stated, and Catra was glad she didn’t need to be the one to shut Lonnie off this time. They had always hated each other, and the situation had only been worsened once one of them had been put in a superior position to the other. It also didn’t help that Catra used every chance she got to get on Lonnie’s nerves now that she was instructed to obey her orders and couldn’t mess with her like she used to.

Almost in queue with the man’s words, the door creaked as someone opened it and she turned her head to face the new member of their reunion expecting to see She-Ra. Instead, she was faced by a shorter version of the woman in a blonde ponytail that stared back at her with a worried look on her face, and instantly remembered the bet that had taken place just a day ago.

***

Facing the people waiting for her in the meeting room as herself instead of She-Ra made Adora feel very similar to what she assumed a rabbit would feel when faced by a pack of rabid dogs. It was scary and everything in her brain told her to start running.

Yet she was determined to honor the bet she’d lost against Catra; it was the perfect opportunity to prove to the woman how far she was willing to go to to make amends for everything. If only she got a chance to speak with her heart to heart again, hopefully without as much yelling and crying involved, then all of the risk she was putting herself through would be worth it.

No one said a thing as Adora coughed and looked down at the floor in front of her, slowly making her way to sit next to Hordak and in front of Catra as she always did in their meetings. The silence in the room was unnerving as she just fidgeted in her seat and looked back at everyone in the room with fake confidence, pretending like everything was perfectly fine and nothing was out of the ordinary.

Luckily for her, someone spoke before Adora found herself forced to do so.

“Now that we’re all here” Hordak started, the palms of his hands rested against the flat surface in front of him. “Let’s begin.”

He made no comment about She-Ra’s absence and Adora’s presence as her replacement, and the woman would have been grateful had she not known Hordak. Being aware of how calculating and dangerous was had her feeling skeptical instead. Still, Adora was in no place to question anyone, so she simply sat there in silence as the reunion took place and they started speaking about how the cadets were progressing and offered their suggestions as to how to improve their approach to training.

If Adora had any idea to propose she completely forgot about it, as all she could focus on as she sat there was how Catra’s eyes pierced into her. For as long as the reunion took place, every single time she sent the other just a glance from the corner of her eye she was always looking back at her, and at a certain point she finally gave in and started to stare back at her trying to understand what was on her mind.

Investigating Catra’s facial expression proved as fruitless as ever; she was completely serious and it was very hard to decipher if she was mad at her or just surprised that she’d actually honored their agreement. The way the feline’s eyes studied Adora’s facial features made the blood rush to her cheeks and forced her to be the one to look away as she had already expected.

Thankfully the reunion ended soon, and as most times Adora’s presence turned out to be basically irrelevant since she didn’t interfere in their conversations even once. She did have suggestions of her own to make, but having to make them as herself instead of She-Ra just wasn’t a option. It made her feel too vulnerable, like her opinion didn’t matter unless she was taking the form of the Grayskull warrior, something she’d finally come to the realization she would have to work on.

“Very well” Hordak started once they seemed to have reached the end of the assembly. “If no one has anything else to add, I’ll deem the reunion to be finished.”

Rogelio was the first one, immediately followed up by Kyle, to get up from his seat and salute Hordak before walking out of the room. Adora expected Lonnie to do the same, but instead the woman sat there and stared at her for a while longer with pursed lips, like she wanted to say something but someone was physically stopping her from doing so.

Now that she got a chance to get a better look at her, Adora realized how much Lonnie had changed. She had grown her hair out, which still was held together in sections by dreadlocks, and both sides of her head had been completely shaved off. It sharpened her features giving her a more mature look that accompanied by her now broader shoulders and widened hips left no doubt that this wasn’t the young girl Adora used to know anymore.

Hordak seemingly gave Lonnie enough time to speak up about whatever was concerning her so much that kept her from leaving the room, but after a while he was the one to stand up and the other three women took the hint and mimicked him.

“It’s been a pleasure ladies, but I have some important matters to attend to. So unless you have something important to say…”

He directed his attention to Lonnie, almost inviting her to say something. This finally got the woman to voice her concern.

“It’s just…” as most of the Horde’s members, she was terrified of what Hordak’s reaction would be, but still forced herself to express her discontent. Before continuing her sentence, Lonnie pointed at Adora. “I wanted to make sure she isn’t going to go out there like that.” 

The blonde froze in place, absolutely shocked by the way Lonnie had worded her response. Hordak turned her head to look at her now, but Adora had no clue what to say in her defense.

“I was wondering why you presented yourself this way in front of as today, but I’m assuming you’re simply starting to get comfortable around here. Which is a good thing, I wouldn’t want you to be miserable for the upcoming five months with us. I do also wonder however, were you planning on continuing with the rest of your tasks like... “ he looked her up and down, the tips of his fingers rested against the table in front of them. “That?”

“Well” Adora started, trying to ignore the twinge of pain that swept through her after being referred to as ‘that’. “I thought maybe just presenting myself as Adora would help me connect with everyone, I think it makes me look more approachable and less… threatening.”

“No one doubts that” Lonnie added upon hearing Adora’s defence, crossing her arms in a defensive pose.

“Shut up Lonnie” Catra stated, startling both women who turned their attention to her immediately. She had been dead silent for most part of the reunion, and now she decided to intervene? Adora felt she understood her motives less and less every time they interacted.

Lonnie chuckled and stared at Catra unbelieving of the way she was behaving; it was obvious the feline was the only one who could get away with behaving that way in front of Hordak and she wasn’t happy about it.

“No. It’s dangerous, people don’t want to see her here” she turned her attention towards their leader, extending her arm to point at Adora once more. “You know what she represents. It will remind everyone of what she did to us, and if they already don’t want She-Ra here, imagine how they’ll react to seeing her walk around here like she owns the place.”

Hordak nodded in her direction and then turned her head to acknowledge Adora.

“What do you have to say to that?”

She swallowed hard before speaking, trying to get rid of the knot in her throat.

“Your… Our people are smarter than you give them credit for. They know who She-Ra really is. I think that presenting myself like this every once in a while will give me some relatability and maybe help them stop seeing me as an alien. It'll prove we trust them, and that we know they aren't stupid.”

He seemed pleased with her explanation, now turning his attention towards Catra.

“And what do you think of this proposition, Catra?”

The woman looked up at him upon hearing her name, her eyes soon traveling to meet Adora’s who simply stared back at her with no clue as to what was about to happen.

“I don’t care. You can do whatever you want.”

It wasn’t clear if her words were referred to Adora or Hordak, but with that said Catra stepped away from the table and walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

“Very well” Hordak continued, apparently not giving Catra’s behavior a second thought. ”It’s settled then. I will allow you to present yourself as Adora for a maximum of two days a month, no more than that.”

“But-”

“I do not want to hear it” the man interrupted Lonnie before she got a chance to express herself, raising his hand in a sign to stop speaking. “If you have any concerns regarding this situation, speak to Catra. She’s responsible for She-Ra - and Adora - for as long as she stays with us. Now, leave, as I’ve already said I have more important matters to attend to.”

With that said Lonnie curled her hands into fists and tensed her jaw, still taking the time to salute Hordak before storming out of the room. After a moment Adora did the same, surprised as to how little it had taken to convince Hordak this would be a good idea when she herself wasn’t so sure it was. 

Right outside of the room Lonnie was still waiting for her with her arms crossed and a pronounced frown on her face.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Lonnie, give it a rest” Adora said after closing the door, sighing and looking from one side to the other in search of Catra, who was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in the mood for fighting; she already had enough to worry about without the help of her ex teammate’s jealous input.

Unfortunately Lonnie wasn’t planning on letting go of the subject that quick, and as soon as Adora turned to start walking towards the next corridor she was slammed against the wall by a shove on her shoulder. She grunted in pain when the back of her head hit the hard surface, bringing her hand to the area and staring at Lonnie in shock. When had she gotten that strong?

“You’re no one here, Adora. Not anymore. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I can’t” Adora started, moving her hand away and puffing out her chest in an attempt to seem at least slightly more threatening. “But Hordak can, and he basically just told you the same thing. Why are you so angry anyway? This doesn’t affect you.”

“It does affect me, because it affects the Horde” the woman took a step towards Adora, standing close enough to make her feel uncomfortable. “I’ll do whatever Catra says because she’s my leader whether I like it or not, but the moment either her or you do anything to jeopardize our wellbeing you better be sure I will do any, and I mean anything in my power to make sure this alliance comes to an end.”

“That’s enough.”

Catra’s voice caught them both by surprise once again, making Lonnie and Adora tilt their heads in her direction. The woman stood next to them with her arms perfectly straight at both sides of her body and her fists closed in an only slightly threatening pose, staring at Lonnie.

“If you’re done measuring dicks, I need Adora to come with me” at that she finally acknowledged her wife by staring at her. “Now.”

It took Lonnie a moment to take a step back and release her, seemingly ignoring Catra’s presence as she spoke to Adora once more.

“I used to admire you, you know. How hard-working you were” the woman shook her head in disappointment certainly unaware of to what point her words hurt Adora. She would be happy to hear how much what she was saying affected her. “But Catra was right on one thing; you’re just a traitor. You can fool them, but I will never trust you again.”

Finally Lonnie turned around to leave, walking past Catra and making sure to hit her shoulder with hers as she did so. Adora silently begged the woman to let it be, and luckily for her she did. After being forced to take a step back when Lonnie passed her, all Catra did was take a deep breath and let all the air out through her nose as she closed her eyes, visibly trying to keep herself from doing anything stupid.  
After the equally short and painful interaction, she turned around and started walking, and Adora immediately followed her.

“You’re so stupid” Catra muttered somewhat between thought and word, shaking her head as she did so.

“Sorry?” Adora said as she tried to keep up with the other’s fast pace, assuming she’d missheard her.

“Why would you do that? Showing up as Adora in front of Hordak. You must have a death wish.”

“Well, nothing bad happened.”

“You should be thankful. If I hadn’t been there, Lonnie would have punched you into the ground.”

“I am thankful” Adora added, struggling to walk as fast as Catra did. It was easier with She-Ra’s longer strides, but this would have to do. “Thank you.”

“Consider it payback. Besides, I always enjoy having a chance to tell Lonnie to fuck off” she let out a sound of disgust to accompany her words.

Her words made Adora smile, and she was reminded of how long it had been since she had sincerely done so in front of Catra. It was a bittersweet feeling, but she tried to focus on the positive.

“Anyway” Catra continued, refusing to look at anything that wasn’t what was in front of her, let out Adora’s face. “You don’t have to do this. It was a stupid bet and it wasn’t fair, so I don’t want the prize.”

 

“That’s too bad. Because I’m not stopping.”

Catra groaned, exasperated but clearly expecting such a response from her.

“Stop, Adora.”

“Stop what?”

“Whatever you’re trying to do with this whole puritan act of yours” she nimbly turned to the left where two corridors intersected, forcing Adora to stop dead in her tracks and run after her once more to catch up with her pace. “It’s not gonna work.”

“God, I’m not the evil mastermind you think I am Catra. Not everyone is out there to get you.”

“No, not everyone” she agreed, ignoring one of the soldiers that stopped to salute her at her sight. “Only almost everyone.”

Adora sighed.

“I’m just honoring our bet, can’t you just take that for what it is?”

Catra finally stopped walking before reaching the main entrance, turning to face Adora. They almost ran into each other, but the blonde managed to stop before such a thing could happen.

“Suit yourself” the feline said after staring at her wife.

She pretended not to care about Adora’s decision to not turn into She-Ra for the whole day, but when Catra’s eyes longed on her for a few more seconds than usual, hiding something indecipherable behind them, she knew what she was doing meant more to the woman that she was leading on.

***

Both women stepped into the street as they had been doing a minimum of twice a week for the last month. It had started to become part of their routine, less and less painful to do with every time they were forced to do it. Eventually the number of weird stares they got started to lessen, and now barely no one cared that She-Ra had started to join Catra’s strolls along the Fright Zone.

Though the same could not be said about Adora.

Multiple people looked and made comments as they made their way across the infertile land that Catra’s home had become. They weren’t expecting to go unnoticed, but receiving that amount of attention was definitely not Catra’s cup of tea.

The only ones not paying attention to the couple’s presence were a few kids that were spending their morning running around chasing each other in an innocent game of tag. One of them fell to the ground barely a couple steps away from them, and of course Adora’s first reaction was to walk in his direction and crouch down to help the kid up. Almost immediately a woman ran towards the kid and grabbed him before Adora’s hand could touch him, taking a couple steps back with the child in her arms and sneering at the blonde.  
The latter slowly stood back up, taking a look around and realizing just as Catra did that if people were pretending not to stare before they definitely were not doing so right now. The way they openly sent Adora looks of disgust made Catra feel they’d just lost all the progress they had made in the last month.

“They really hate me huh” Adora muttered low enough for only Catra to hear once they had walked out of the area where the incident had taken place.

“Of course they do. If only you knew what was said about you here during the last ten years.”

Adora rubbed her arm in a nervous tick that Catra had come to know too well. A poisonous feeling came over her that made Catra realize she actually felt bad for the woman. She forced the thought out of her brain, but there was very little she could do against the pungent feeling on her chest.

“I wish I could prove them otherwise.”

“They will never trust you. Besides, when these five months are over and I have to go with you to Bright Moon, I’m sure they won’t be exactly happy to have me there either. And you can be sure I won’t try to prove them otherwise. Let them hate me if they want, what do I care.”

“Well _I_ care” Adora frowned, looking down at the ground in front of them. The difference between how she acted when she was She-Ra to when she was herself was so tremendous Catra had a hard time remembering that they were actually the same person. “I don’t want to just spend five months here being miserable just to spend the next six months being next miserable, and then start the same cycle again and again. I want things to get better.”

“And how are you planning in doing that?” Catra asked with a clear tint of sarcasm in her voice that, as usual, Adora completely ignored.

“I want us to join forces. In a real way; a treaty that’s meant to keep the people content and quiet is not enough. I want the Horde and the Rebellion to thrive together.”

Catra cackled, amused by Adora’s childish outlook on life.

“Just the fact that you put the Horde, the Rebellion and the word ‘together’ all in the same sentence is ridiculous.”

“You can laugh all you want” Adora sounded determined in spite of Catra’s discouraging input, which got her attention. “But I’m telling you, I will make it happen. I’ve had a vision.”

“Well, if you didn’t sound like an insane person before you definitely do now. A vision” Catra laughed, this time way more relaxed and less malicious than before, if only slightly taunting. “Feel free to keep me updated on this prophecy of yours then.”

She looked at Adora with the remainings of a smile on her face, who finally mustered the courage to look back at her with a smile of her own. Catra felt her heart do a triple backflip at the sight and immediately averted her eyes and cleared her throat.

She could try to fool herself again by pretending she didn’t know what the meaning behind her reaction was, but this feeling was one that Catra was painfully familiar with. Especially when it came to being around Adora.

Before the woman could inquire into the thought too much she was suddenly distracted by the sound of her escort’s gasp and a sudden splash by her said. Catra’s tail immediately fluffed up and tensed like everytime she was caught off guard by something and she immediately scanned Adora’s frame to see what had prompted her reaction, and it wasn’t hard to realize what had happened.

The first thing that caught Catra’s eyes was how Adora had been suddenly drenched in water from head to toe. Her hair clung damply to her face as the woman stood with her mouth wide open and her shoulders shrugged in discomfort, staring down at her feet as the water trailed from the top of her head to the tips of her hair and to the ground.

Next to her was who clearly had been the responsible for the supposed accident; a man that carried a now half empty bucket of water on his shoulder. He didn’t seem apologetic or even slightly distressed by what had happened. If anything, he seemed proud as he looked back at a group of men that stood behind a stall not too far away, giggling like teenagers and making a poor job at disguising their connection to the culprit.

“Sorry miss” the man said with a sly smile on his face. “I tripped.”

The man’s poor attempt at apologizing felt more like an insult than anything else, and it became even more clear with his words that what had happened was in no way an accident. People started to gather around them leaving a safe distance between themselves and the scene, a wise choice considering how stupid what the attempt of a human being in front of the marriage had just done.

Appalled by the lack of reaction from Adora, Catra turned her head to look at the woman, who was still staring down in silence this time with her lips pressed tightly together. She looked so disconcerted and out of her element that clearly the woman didn’t even know how to react.

But luckily for her, Catra knew exactly how to react.

She had been in very similar situations many times in the past, and Adora had been the one to help her out of every single one of them. Catra decided to tell herself she would be doing this as the second payback of the day, but in reality seeing Adora in such a state of embarrassment set all hell loose inside her.

Even though the man she faced was clearly taller and bigger than her, it took nothing more than a quick step and a swift movement of her arm to put it around his neck and forcefully bend him down to her height. He gasped in surprise as did most everyone surrounding them, including Adora, and let go of the bucket he held spilling the small amount of water that had survived the encounter.

“What’s your name?” She asked, their faces so close together that their noses were almost touching. The man took a while to respond, clearly surprised by Catra’s reaction. He was probably expecting her to not care as much about the little ‘incident’ as she did, if not to be happy about it, but if she allowed such a thing to take place now there was no say in what would happen in the future.

“B-Brodyn” he muttered as a response.

“Brodyn” Catra looked away from his face and at the public that had gathered around them, who no longer pretended not to be staring at them. She then brought her attention back to the man. “And what has stopped making a connection in that small brain of yours that made you believe it would be a good idea to do what you just did?”

“I’m sorry miss, it was an accident…”

“Please, if you have nothing else to say spare me the stupid excuses” Catra interrupted him, once again drawing her attention away from him and directing it to the people around them. She took a step away from Adora to face their impromptu audience, dragging the man along with her by his neck. “Listen up. This goes to anyone that is thinking about doing anything even remotely similar to what Brodyn here has just done.”

With that said Catra let go of the man just to place her hand on his shoulder and force him down until he fell on his knees in front of Adora. In response the woman, who had already pushed the wet hair out of her face, gasped and started to gesture for Catra to let go of him.

“Stop” the feline replied in a low tone of voice, leaning forward so only Adora would be able to hear her. “Let me do this.”

She sent her wife a look pleading that she complied with her request, and for the first time in a long time Adora simply obeyed without a question.

“Now, apologize.”

“I’m sorry.”

Digging her nails into his skin got Brodyn to let out a grunt.

“Not that sad excuse for an apology” Catra insisted, forcing him to bend down further until he had to tilt his head forward as if he was begging. “Tell her you’re an asshole.”

“I’m an asshole” he muttered, too low for Catra’s liking.

“I didn’t get that” she sank her nails even further into his skin, and the man gasped in response and tilted his head forward even more waiting for the pain to stop. It didn’t. “Try again.”

“I’m as asshole” he almost yelled this time, leaving Adora looking clearly uncomfortable and not knowing where to look. “I’m so sorry, I will do anything to make it up to you. Please forgive me.”

“Better” finally Catra seemed satisfied with Brodyn’s performance and let go of him not without pushing him slightly forward first, making him fall face first into the now wet dirt in front of him. Adora gestured to help him, but forced herself to stop and stand back straight. Catra silently thanked her for containing herself.

This whole spectacle didn’t come as a surprise to anyone in the Horde, as it wasn’t that uncommon of an occurrence, but it was the first time anyone had defended Adora - who still was considered as She-Ra by most people watching - publicly in such a way since she started living with them.  
Catra walked away from the man who quickly stood up and picked up his bucket before walking away from the scene and towards the men that not too long ago were laughing with him, who now were instead laughing _at_ him.

“I want this to serve as an example as to what will happen if anyone disrespects my wife ever again” her eyes scanned everyone surrounding them, and everyone she met with her gaze immediately looked away. “If you offend her you’re offending me. What has happened here today will seem like a dream compared to what I will do to whoever antagonizes her ever again.”

She looked at Adora expecting to see anger or discomfort in her face, but instead all Catra encountered was a pair of blushed cheeks and a surprised stare. She decided not to inquire too much into it, instead averting her gaze to avoid giving her any kind of reaction she would later regret.

“Now move it.”

After hearing her words their public immediately started to disperse, wary of what would happen if they decided to disobey Catra’s instructions especially after what they had just witnessed.

As she looked around to make sure no one went against her orders Catra could swear that from the window of one the towers where they resided Hordak was staring out at them, vanishing from her sight just as quickly as he had appeared.


	9. Sharing is caring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finally gets to speak to Entrapta and comes to a painfully obvious conclusion.

Seeing Catra’s initial reaction to her appearing in front of everyone as herself instead of She-Ra had Adora worrying that maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea.

Any trace of doubt that this was, indeed, the right thing to do disappeared from her mind as she heard Catra loudly defend her pride in front of her own people.

Yes the man – Brodyn – had been incredibly disrespectful towards her, but Adora had fully expected his actions to go unpunished. She was nothing but a guest there; and an unwanted one at that. Everyone from the Horde seemed to openly despise her, so obviously the man thought he would be safe if he just fabricated a half assed excuse to give Catra the chance to ignore what had happened.

So did Adora.

Apparently they were both wrong.

The marriage had silently agreed that their daily stroll had come to an end after the mishap that had just taken place, so they immediately started to make their way back inside. To no one’s surprise, they didn’t exchange a word the whole way.

Adora realized Catra seemed more absent than usual, and even though for a moment she contemplated the possibility that whatever was bothering her had been the reason for her uncommon reaction a few minutes ago, she immediately dismissed the thought. She would much rather think that her efforts to get close to her hadn’t been in vain, and after everything she had been through in just a day she would at least give herself the luxury of believing that.

What had prompted such a reaction from her? Adora wasn’t an advocate for the kind of punishments that the Horde seemed to consider more than normal judging by the public’s natural reaction to what had happened, but seeing Catra ridicule the man in front of everyone had made her feel… good.  
Which made her feel guilty.  
Which made her feel angry, because after all that she had been through, why couldn’t she at least rejoice in having someone defend her? Yes, maybe it hadn’t been the most ideal way of dealing with the situation, but at least Catra had _done something_.

Which, again, prompted the question; why?

“Hey, Catra.”

Adora looked up from her feet to search for the source of the voice, who just happened to be Scorpia.  
Unlike Lonnie or Rogelio, Scorpia didn’t seem to hate Adora as much as feel sorry for her, which only made things worse. She would much rather have someone hate her; that was easy to deal with. Knowing that Scorpia felt sorry for her meant that she understood better than most people what she was going through, and the simple thought of it made her want to crawl into a hole out of her sight; even more now that she was looking at her as if she was insane. It took Adora a moment to realize that this was because she wasn’t presenting herself as She-Ra as she usually did. Luckily, Scorpia didn’t ask.

Incapable of looking back at her Adora searched for something else to stare at, and she found it easier than she’d expected when her eyes met Entrapta’s.

The mechanic was standing next to Scorpia and clearly looking at Adora, but as soon as their eyes met she looked away seemingly uncomfortable. The feeling was mutual but the blonde didn’t look away.

“Are you done for today?” Scorpia continued when Catra didn’t show any reaction to her words besides stopping dead in her tracks and mindlessly biting her nails. Adora felt like she was asking if Catra was done walking her around, which should make her feel insulted, but the gentle way in which Scorpia presented the question just made her feel slightly embarrassed.

“Yes. Why?” Catra asked, direct as ever.

Their conversation soon turned into background noise as Adora scanned Entrapta’s figure and waited to be acknowledged. The tips of her long hair twitched even though there was no wind, and aside from the now very prominent bags under her eyes not many of her features had changed after all these years.

They had seen each other before in a few of their reunions, but still hadn’t interchanged even a word. Adora wanted to speak with her, ask for an explanation. Maybe even answer some of Entrapta’s questions, which she was sure the woman must have had a few. But not in front of the others; there were things she didn’t want to say in front of Catra and Scorpia.

“…done with Adora maybe you can help me.” Hearing her name dragged the blonde’s attention back to the conversation between the other two, now looking up at Scorpia as she looked at Catra

There was something off about their interaction; Catra’s behavior around Scorpia wasn’t the same as with everyone else. She reacted differently to her words, and seemed almost nervous to look back at her. Maybe she was underestimating her, but Scorpia didn’t seem like some evil mastermind who you had to be extremely careful around to her, but why would Catra calculate so carefully her words around the woman then?

Her eyes traveled from the playful smile dancing on Scorpia’s lips to her red-tinted cheeks, and finally came to a more logic conclusion.

They had been together.

Catra didn’t act particularly interested in deepening her relationship with Scorpia, but the latter’s confident way of approaching her to ask for her company meant that either she was really stupid and didn’t know anything about Catra or her previous experience had proven that she would be indeed interested in spending time with her.

Not without guilt, Adora hated Scorpia for a split second after coming to this conclusion.

“Hey, but you were supposed to help me.” Entrapta chimed in, elbowing Scorpia on the side, who didn’t even react.

“I can help you.”

All three of them turned their heads to look at Adora, who decided that after that day she had received enough attention to make up for the next 40 years.

“You?” Catra asked, raising one of her eyebrows in disbelief as she looked at her.

“Why not?” Adora asked, slightly offended by their disbelief. “What do you need help with?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Of course it’s not!” Scorpia chimed in. “She just needs someone to hold things and pass her stuff while she works in the workshop.”

If looks could kill, Scorpia would’ve died on the spot right there and then under Entrapta’s gaze. Coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t have a choice but let Adora lend her a hand, she turned to face the woman again.

“I guess you can help.”

Adora offered her warmest smile as a response, but all Entrapta did was look away in a coy manner and fidget with one of the million gadgets that hung from her belt.

“Perfect, then you can come with me.” Scorpia said offering Catra her claw, who looked at it for a moment and shook her head before starting to walk away from the group . The other was clearly used to her behavior, because without removing the smile from her face she simply waved goodbye to Entrapta – and maybe even Adora – before she turned around and made off to catch up with the woman.

Something inside Adora made her feel stupid for making it easier for them to leave together. Alone. She wasn’t allowed to feel that way, and it wasn’t fair on Catra, so she pushed the thought to the back of her brain and tried to focus on something else.

“Well, come with me then… I guess.” Entrapta said absently, already deep in thought as she turned around to make her way inside the facility and heading towards her workshop.

They didn’t exchange a single word as they walked along the corridors and Adora tried to force herself to ignore the weird stares and whispers that her presence was prompting along the way. It wasn’t until they were inside Entrapta’s laboratory that she finally broke the silence.

“So, what do I have to do?” She said, rubbing the palm of her hands on her pants to get rid of the sweat that had been forming on them.

Entrapta whispered something too softly for Adora to hear, clearly talking to herself. She walked around the room ignoring her words and grabbed a box filled with tools and some materials that Adora didn’t recognize and that her inexperienced eyes categorized as simple rocks.

After gathering all the supplies necessary for her task, Entrapta set everything next to a big device completely covered by a sheet. Instead of making a move to remove the sheet, all the woman did was take a seat next to it and move the fabric out of her way as she started to inspect the lower part of the massive gadget.

Realizing she wasn’t going to get an answer Adora decided to take a look around herself and wisely came to the conclusion that it would be best to not touch anything unless instructed to do so. She approached the woman, kneeling next to her and observing the way her expert hands- and hair -moved to remove parts and connect cables like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“What’s this?”

Entrapta brought one hand to her goggles to remove them, looking at Adora for a moment with pure joy in her eyes and a smile threatening to appear in her lips at the thought of someone being interested in her craftsmanship. But as quick as it had arrived her cheerful expression suddenly vanished to go back to the same as every time she was around Adora, a look of concern and discomfort materializing on her face.

“It’s a thing that I probably shouldn’t… that I can’t tell you about.”

“That’s okay.” Adora tried to appear understanding, since getting Entrapta to open up seemed to be even harder than the first time they met. At least during their first meeting she simply seemed too distracted to pay her any attention; now she simply didn’t want to. “I get it.”

With that said Entrapta pulled her goggles back on and got back to messing with the device in front of them, letting out a grunt or frustration or surprise or a couple senseless words every once in a while that dragged Adora’s attention from her surroundings and back to her.

Suddenly, a strand of lilac hair appeared directly in front of Adora’s face.

“Hand me the pliers.”

Once the initial confusion had passed, Adora complied with Entrapta’s instructions and placed the tool in front of the mass of hair, which wrapped itself around the tool to keep it in place, before pulling back to Entrapta. She wondered how the woman could have done that without moving her attention away from the device; there were so many things she wanted to ask her.  
Maybe she should start with something lighter.

“So, how is life here?”  
What a lame question. Adora winced at herself for the way she worded it.

“It’s okay.” Entrapta didn’t seem to think too much into her words; if anything she sounded more relaxed than before. Probably because she was so concentrated in doing something, it was easier for the woman to let loose and reply to Adora in a more relaxed manner. “I can spend all day experimenting and building stuff if I want. Which I do. So I can’t complain.” again, a strand of hair appeared right in Adora’s eyesight. “9/16ths wrench. “

Once again the blonde complied with Entrapta’s orders and handed the mentioned tool to the strand of hair that proceeded to follow the same steps as before. It was almost mesmerizing to see her work so attentively, but Adora forced herself to stay focused.

“I’m glad you’re doing good. I was worried about you.” she tested the water, looking at how the other reacted to her words. “We all were.”

“Well, you didn’t exactly come to check up on me or anything.” Entrapta muttered visibly uncomfortable by the route the conversation was taking. She wasn’t one to enjoy social interactions, not to mention confronting someone face to face like they were doing. Still, Adora felt the need to explain herself.

“I know, we’re sorry.”

“You don’t need to speak for them. And you don’t need to apologize, I understand.”

“You do?” Now she was properly confused.

“Yeah.” Entrapta used the ends of her hair to scratch her head, the tip of her tongue slipping out of her mouth as she concentrated on what she was doing. “You had to leave so you did. I understand you had to leave me behind, but you can’t expect me to be happy about it.”

“We didn’t leave you behind.” Adora explained herself immediately, tilting her body sideways trying to get Entrapta to face her to no avail. “We couldn’t find you and when we saw the explosion we thought you… died.”

_Because of me._

“Oh...” Entrapta muttered, still not peeling her eyes away from her work. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. I’m happy here.”

Adora raised her eyebrows, caught by surprise by her nonchalant response.

“Oh.” She echoed, her mouth hanging open for a second before she licked lips thinking about how to respond. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I can do pretty much anything I want as long as I build stuff for the Horde when they ask me to. They don’t pressure me and I have a lot of freedom, plus they take care of me and allow me to work by myself which is always nice.”

The years hadn’t changed Entrapta’s solitary attitude, that was for sure.  
It was hard for Adora to comprehend that someone could be happy living with and for the Horde, but she was painfully reminded that she herself had been in Entrapta’s situation for the first eighteen years of her life. That made it easier for her to understand the woman’s reasoning, but it only made her feel worse for her.

“But don’t you care about all the stuff they do?”

“Chisel.”

With a sigh, Adora handed the outstretched strand of hair the mentioned tool.

“They almost destroyed the planet. Literally. They hurt people without a second thought just to get what they want, do you really want to be a part of that?”

Finally the woman decided to stop working for a second and turn her head to face Adora, staring at her from behind her goggles. Her legs were crossed and she was resting her forearms on both knees as she thought about how to word what she was thinking.

“When you left me here – or when I thought you did – Catra and Hordak took me in and allowed me to mess with their most prized possession without a second thought. Even when I failed to do what they asked me to, they didn’t throw me out or abandon me. They still believed in me and saw my potential, and ever after all that’s happened because of me, here I am. I owe them everything.” She shrugged once, feeling a need to tack on a bit more. “And I’m happy here. Nothing else matters.”

There was very little Adora could do to dispute Entrapta’s argument. Of course she didn’t agree with her, but there was no way she could change her mind. They were completely different, and although Entrapta wasn’t a bad person she didn’t have the same motivation to do good as Adora did. All she wanted to do was be happy and accepted, and thinking about it, was it really _that_ wrong?

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Adora looked down and started playing with the tips of her shoes trying to keep her hands busy with something. Entrapta had already gotten back to work after her speech, so luckily there was no uncomfortable eye contact.

“Are you happy here?” She asked, clearly just looking for something to fill the void.

“I’m not as unhappy as I thought I would be” Adora replied trying not to sound too negative, finally giving in and sitting down. She hugged her own legs, resting her chin on top of her knees. “And it kind of scares me.”

“Why?” Entrapta asked nonchalantly, clearly just trying to fill the silence but not really interested in the answer.

“I guess I’ve spent all these years thinking about how much I hate the Horde and its people, but now that I’m actually here…” Adora frowned, coming to terms with her feelings as she put them in words. “I don’t know. Maybe things aren’t as black and white as I thought they were.”

“Hmm.”

“And I don’t like that. I like extremes; good is good and bad is bad. There’s nothing to argue about there. But what if there are good people living in a fundamentally bad place, but what they do isn’t bad per se? And even worse, what if they don’t know how bad the place is? Or what if they are too afraid to leave? What if they have been brainwashed to the point of no return, are we supposed to just give up on them?”

“Whoa! What’s this?”

If Adora had any doubts about if Entrapta was listening to her, they dissipated as the woman almost cut her off and contorted her body to investigate the device in front of her. A blue light reflected on her face highlighting her thrilled expression.  
Part of Adora was grateful she hadn’t been paying attention, part of her wished she’d heard her desperate cry for help.

“Give me the magnifying glass. That thing that looks like a pair of glasses without temple bars.”

This time Entrapta extended her arm in her direction, opening and closing her first motioning for Adora to hurry. She grabbed the device the woman was asking for and placed it in her palm. She immediately brought it to her face making it click onto her goggles instantly.

“What is it?”

“Oh, this is good.” Entrapta said in between giggles, absolutely stoked about whatever she was seeing. For some reason Adora didn’t think she would find it that exciting.

Without answering her question, the pink haired woman mouthed something and sat straight, looking around for a moment before getting up and approaching her desk. Adora considered looking at whatever the other had been staring at, but realized that it would be completely fruitless due to her lack of knowledge in the field and decided to instead stand up and follow Entrapta who was now writing something down in a notebook.

“Do you get along with people here?” Adora asked, looking at the disaster of a desk in front of her and fighting the urge to start organizing things.

“I don’t really interact with them, so I guess so?” Her replies seemed automatic; she was clearly too concentrated on what she was writing to think too much about what she was saying which made her more honest that she probably wanted to.

“But you were walking around with Scorpia, right?”

“Well yeah, Scorpia is cool. She talks too much sometimes, but she also likes to hear me talk about the things I do. I like her.”

“I see.” Adora muttered, trying to get information out of Entrapta without her noticing. “And what about Catra?”

“She’s okay. We don’t talk much because she usually doesn’t care about the technical part of the things I do, just the final product. But she always gets me anything I need and helps with everything so I like her too.”

“That’s nice. The two of them seem to get along too, right?”

Entrapta stopped for a moment to scratch her head, leaving her hair full of a blue tinted dust that Adora assumed had come from when she was working on the device in the middle of the room a few moments ago. She chuckled at Adora’s comment before getting to writing again.

“You could say that.”

“What does that mean?” Adora sounded more aggressive than she initially intended to, which made Entrapta turn her head to face her for a moment. In response the woman coughed, leaning against the desk and shrugging as she tried to appear as laid back as possible. “I mean, Scorpia really wanted Catra to go pay her some company. They seem like pretty good friends to me.”

“It’s complicated. They get along in the weirdest way, and that’s coming from me.” One of her long ponytails moved to grab a stool and drag it in Entrapta’s direction, who leaned against it and got back to her notebook to Adora’s relief.

“How come?”

“I don’t know, they just don’t seem too compatible, do they?”

“Not really, no/” Adora smiled to herself, conceding with Entrapta’s remark.

“They worked really well together at first, but since they started hooking up things have started to get weird really fast.”

With those words from Entrapta the smile rapidly drained from Adora’s face, confirming her suspicions in a blunter way than she’d initially expected.

***

They hadn’t exchanged a single word since Catra picked Adora up from Entrapta’s workshop. She had said goodbye to the mechanic, who weirdly didn’t seem to have been bothered by the company in any way, and stayed silent since then.

Annoyed and confused, Catra decided to break the silence.

“How did it go?” She said in a flat, monotone voice in an attempt to not seem too interested.

“It was fun.” Adora said, then almost immediately corrected herself. “It was okay. How about you?”

“It was okay.” She mimicked the other’s words.

“Did you have fun with Scorpia?”

What a weird remark to make.

“About as much fun as you can have checking new weaponry. Which isn’t a lot.”

“Hm.”

With that discussed they once again fell silent as they made their way towards their room. Catra had something else to say, but it would have to wait until they were alone.

Once they reached the bedroom as per usual Catra started to undo the buttons on her uniform’s jacket and Adora grabbed the clothing she used to sleep and headed towards their bathroom to change.  
Alone for a moment, the feline stood up and threw the piece of clothing to the side once she had taken it off, staring at her reflection in the full body sized mirror that filled a corner of the room.

It had been a very intense day filled with more emotions than Catra was used to, and although when Scorpia had appeared offering the possibility of enjoying some time to spend away from Adora it had seemed like a great idea, it had only served as a reminder of how boring and mundane everything else was in comparison.

Of course Adora wasn’t the only one able to spark emotion on Catra; there were things that made her angrier than her. But the anger she felt towards Adora was more intense. There were things that irritated her more than Adora, but the irritation that she sparked on her was more intense. There were things she hated more than Adora, but the intense hatred she felt when she looked her in the eyes sometimes was too intense to compare to anything else.

And there were a lot of things she loved more than her, but as much as she hated it and tried to deny it, there was nothing and no one she loved more intensely than she did Adora.

A door creaked behind Catra, startling her and making the hair on her tail stand on end. She turned around immediately in an attempt to cover it up and blurted out some words in a messier way than she had planned.

“I sleep on the floor. You take the bed.”

Giving the other woman no time to respond she almost dropped herself on the ground where Adora had prepared her small sleeping station that only consisted of a thin sheet, a blanket and a pillow.

The blonde opened and closed her mouth a couple times, confused by the situation, and Catra spoke once again before Adora could get her thoughts in order.

“You won the fight, we both know it. And I don’t want to feel like an asshole because I made you go through what you went through today when I didn’t even win fairly in the first place. I’m not doing it for you; I’m doing it for me.”

Adora raised an eyebrow at that last sentence, not too convinced by Catra’s speech. The feline simply gave her a cold stare and then laid down on one side of the blanket, fighting with it to try and cover her body with the other half.

After idling for a moment with the intention of saying or doing something, Adora finally gave in and climbed into the bed in silence. Catra listened to it creak under her weight as she settled, her ears moving as she tried to sharpen her hearing when the only noise in the room was Adora’s hands caressing the sheets around her.

The woman decided to turn off the lights before trying to get comfortable in such a terrible condition. How had Adora managed to sleep there for so many nights without destroying her back?

She turned and angrily grunted, incapable of finding an even slightly enjoyable position in the torture device that had now become her bed. Maybe her pride wasn’t that important after all, maybe she could sacrifice that if it meant being able to sleep in her own bed.

After a long while of complete silence where she thought the other must have had already fallen asleep, Catra heard the bed creak once more and opened her eyes. It took a short while, but they quickly adjusted to the lack of light and allowed her to distinguish the figure of Adora’s torso leaning over the bed in her direction.

“I hate this.” She whispered as if they were kids in a sleepover, scared an adult would come in and yell at them if they heard them speaking.

“That makes it two of us.” Catra replied in the same tone of voice, now staring at the ceiling with her arms crossed at chest height.

“Let's switch back then, what's even the point of this if we're both miserable?”

“I'm not letting you sleep on the floor after you've gone and done all this martyr complex stuff you have going on. I'd feel like shit.”

“Well, I feel like shit seeing you sleep on the floor.”

“Look away then.”

Adora grunted, annoyed, and leaned back letting herself fall on the mattress hard enough for her body to slightly bounce on top of it.

After the short interaction they fell silent once again, and although Catra expected - and wanted - to leave things at that, it wasn't long until Adora's soft voice filled the room again.

“There's room for two here.”

Catra clenched her jaw.

“Go to sleep, Adora.”

The other sighed.

“It's not like we have never shared a bed. This thing is huge, we won't even touch if-”

“Adora” Catra cut her off, her voice sharp. “Sleep. Now.”

“Fine.” the blonde muttered in response, fidgeting with the covers for a moment before finally settling in a comfortable position. Catra wished she could do the same thing.

Again, a moment of silence that she was sure wouldn't last for too long.

As per usual, she wasn't wrong.

“Good night Catra.” An almost timid voice reluctantly called from the bed to her right.

She hesitated.

“Good night.” Catra gave in, realizing that that had been the first night they'd actually said those words after a whole month of living together.

To most people that must have been crazy to think of. To Catra, things were already moving too fast for her liking, but it was finally sinking in her mind that change was inevitable whether she liked it or not.

It was steadily making its way towards her leaving Catra no choice but to accept the consequences said change would bring, like a boat approaching an iceberg with Adora's name written in bright bold letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought I was gonna give you the good old 'oh no there's just one bed oh well let's sleep together' that easily? HAH


	10. It's not you, it's me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpia comes to a painful conclusion.

Things got better. With time.

Catra had seemed to finally understand that Adora was not in a twisted quest to try and destroy her, and eventually the walls she had built around herself every time she was in her wife’s presence started to crack.

Aside from the tasks they were forced by Hordak to do together, they started to spend more time together voluntarily.  
They ate lunch and dinner together; they practiced together and, eventually, a silent agreement was made that even once they were done with their mandatory duties they would continue to spend the rest of the day together.

Most of the time they spent together took place in public; after all, that was the only way they could tell themselves they were doing it for public image purposes. If they actually showed they enjoyed each other’s company in private, it would entail things that neither of them were ready to talk about yet.

It was okay, Adora thought. She could wait.

“So, what’s the schedule for today?”

“We have cadet training at 4PM and then there’s a town meeting we should attend” She-Ra stared at the different options in front of her. It was lunch time and, as always, they had gone to grab something to it at the dining hall where they usually ate together.

“Is that what Hordak instructed?” Cata asked looking at her while raising one of her eyebrows, questioning.

She-Ra looked back at her and pursed her lips. The other sighed in response.

There wasn’t too much to choose from in front of them; there were a few plates of rice with vegetables, some potatoes and some sad looking fruit as dessert. Etheria was still recovering from the apocalypse it had endured and it growing food in places where it would usually sprout almost by itself had proven to be challenging.

As usual, the blonde decided to grab a plate of rice with a side of vegetables and looked at it with sadness for a moment before picking it up from the table and smiling at the man on the other side of the counter, who briefly smiled back at her..

Catra on the other hand chose two plates of weirdly shaped potatoes and turned around to walk towards their usual table. They had access to a more exclusive dining room in which they would be by themselves, but then again they had no excuse to want to spend time with each other if it wasn’t for others to see them doing so. 

Again, it was okay. Adora could wait.

“What is it about.”

“Hm?” She-Ra looked at her wife as she took a seat in front of her, watching how Catra weirdly placed her leg on the bench and sat on top of it. 

“The meeting. What is it about.”

“Well, apparently there’s a group of women that claim some herbs are disappearing from a garden they have planted in common. They’re asking for everyone to meet them to try and sort out the problem in a peaceful way.”

“And why do you want to go?”

She-Ra shrugged, looking down at her plate and moving the rice from side to side with her fork like a little girl.

“I want to be involved. We should care about what they care about, you know?”

Looking up she discovered Catra was staring at her with a puzzling look in her eyes that she was very familiar with, and Adora fought inside of her to crawl out and ask her what the hell she was thinking about.

“Fine.”

She-Ra tilted her head, silently ask her what that meant exactly.

“We’ll go” the woman added after looking away and down at her own plate.

The warrior fought back a smile, running her fingers through her hair to move a strand behind her ear. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Catra was doing it for her. Adora knew it.

In an attempt to fool her own stomach into thinking she was eating more than what was actually entering her system, She-Ra took small bites very separated from each other. She told herself it worked, but always ended up with a growling stomach afterwards.  
Still, even though she was always offered more to eat, how could she ask for another plate when she knew there were people almost starving right next to the walls of the building she was in?

The sound of clattering caught her attention and got She-Ra to look at Catra, who had squeezed a ton of sauces on top of her potatoes and was now cutting and smashing them together in a disgusting looking and foul smelling paste.

Amused, She-Ra laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Catra asked glancing up at her without moving her head only for a second before going back to what she was doing, turning the plate in order to get everything mashed together.

“Nothing” the woman shook her head, a smile remaining on her lips. “It’s just that you used to do that all the time when we were kids, I think it’s funny that you still do it, even now.”

Not receiving an immediate response made She-Ra believe that she’d accidentally made things awkward. Catra was still violently attacking the potatoes with her fork, but didn’t seem to react to what she had been told.

“Well” she finally started after a few seconds of silence. She raised her fork which was now covered by a yellowish paste. “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it” and with that she placed the utensil in her mouth and licked it clean.

She-Ra shook her head, still smiling, and didn’t avert her eyes as Catra went back to her food.

***

“You should try to talk to her.”

Scorpia jumped, startled by the voice coming from behind her. She didn’t need to turn around to recognize it was Entrapta’s, but she still did. There, the pink haired woman seemed also startled about her reaction, which made no sense in Scorpia’s mind. Still, she didn’t say anything.

“What do you mean?”

“To Catra. If there’s something bothering you, you should talk to her about it” she grimaced. “It’s kinda sad that I have to be the one to tell you this.”

Scorpia sighed, knowing her friend wasn’t wrong and annoyed that she couldn’t refute her words.

“I’ve tried. I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”

As much as she tried, Entrapta couldn’t understand the inner workings of Scorpia and Catra’s relationship - or of any relationship for that matter - so all she could do in response was shrug and walk into the dinning hall to grab herself a plate of food. Scorpia followed.

“Then maybe you should just stop thinking about her” Entrapta continued once they reached the counter where all the food was displayed. “I hate this. Look at how big those potatoes are.”

“I can’t” Scorpia replied, ignoring the woman’s complaint. She’d already heard too much of her constant criticism about the food size. “She needs me.”

“Does she?”

Following Entrapta’s honest words, Scorpia turned her head to look at where Catra and She-Ra were seated. The latter was smiling and moving her food around the plate rather than eating it, while Catra’s gaze was fixated on her plate as she spoke with a mouthful of potatoes. She-Ra turned her head in her direction and Scorpia quickly glanced away and swallowed.

“I kind of hope so” she replied in a whisper.

“Look, I think you have been a great friend - or whatever - to her. But she clearly doesn’t care that much, right? So why do you waste your time?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe not” Entrapta stated, turning around to face her. “I know I’m not the friendliest person ever but even I know you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Now I’m going back to the workshop, I have a lot of stuff to do.”

“Wait, can you stay and have lunch with me for once?”

Entrapta grabbed a plate with fruit and filled it with the contents of the one next to it.

“I can’t, I have to work” she looked at the table where Catra and She-Ra were seated. “Maybe you should try to join them. See how that works.”

With that said the woman placed an apple in her mouth, holding it with her teeth, and turned around to leave the dining hall. Now alone, Scorpia just followed the woman with her eyes until she was completely out of sight. She turned to face the other two once more, her claw resting on the counter by her side.

Regardless of Catra’s expected nonchalant attitude, the two seemed to be enjoying each other’s company more than Scorpia had initially expected. Scorpia and Catra had started to connect with other people, but seeing her so open to spending time with She-Ra - and Adora - when she herself had spent the last ten years trying to get closer to her and being shut down every single time was hard to watch.

Even after everything that had happened, she still had chosen Adora over her.

Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, Scorpia grabbed the first plate at hand and walk towards their table. If she had to get along with She-Ra in order to get closer to Catra, that’s what she would do.

“Hey” she smiled at both women once she reached the table. Catra looked at her from the corner of her eye and made a sound that she interpreted as a greeting. She-Ra turned her head and smiled back at her.

“Hey.”

“Do you mind if I sit here?” She looked at Catra when asking, who shrugged in silence. It was She-Ra the one to speak again.

“Of course! I mean, please do.”

Nodding her head softly Scorpia considered for a moment what seat to choose, and eventually decided to sit down next to She-Ra.

The marriage had seemed to been enrolled in a conversation before she joined, but now that Scorpia was also in the table they had seemed to run out of things to say.

“So, we don’t really know each other. We’ve seen each other a lot but I don’t think we’ve ever officially spoken out of a meeting, right?” She-Ra started, turning her torso to face Scorpia clearly in order to make her feel less left out. “But it’s nice to officially meet you.”

“It’s nice to officially meet you too, uhm… Should I call you Adora, or do you prefer She-Ra?”

“Oh, I’m fine with either one.”

“Okay. Great to meet you, Adora” she replied offering the woman her claw, who struggled for a moment but managed to grab it as a salute.

Scorpia wanted to hate her. So badly. But it wasn’t in her nature, and the other wasn’t making things easier by being so kind to her.

“Well, Catra always says that you’re one of the most important people around here.”

She looked at the feline, who didn’t look up from her food at the mention of her name.

“Does she? I think she’s exaggerating.”

“It doesn’t seem like it; people seem to love you around here.”

“Do they?” Scorpia smiled, scratching the back of her head with her claw.

“Yes, they really do. The cadets talk wonders about you, they admire you as Force Captain.”

“I try my best” she laughed, appreciative of all the compliments coming her way. It had been a long time since someone had been so kind to her, and even though it was part of her spirit to be nice to everyone regardless of how they treated her it was good to be approached in the same way for once. “They have adjusted to your presence rather easily too, haven’t they?”

She-Ra shrugged, the ghost of a smile still present on her lips.

“They tolerate me, let’s leave it at that. It’s more than I can ask for, given the situation.”

“You’re working hard. I can see that,” _and I admire it_ , Scorpia thought. No one could foresee She-Ra fitting into the Horde so easily but after just a few months everyone had become content with her staying in the Fright Zone.

Some people had even come to enjoy her presence, as her influence tended to make things a little more peaceful at the Horde. She was the only person that had managed to tame Catra’s temper, which the citizens were grateful for. Scorpia, not so much.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate that” She-Ra looked at her with pursed lips, as if there was something she wanted to say. If that was the case, she decided otherwise as she looked away once more and stood up. “I have to go now, I have something to do before Catra and I go to cadet training at 4PM” she looked at the other woman, who hadn’t said a word since Scorpia had arrived. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“It was great talking to you” Scorpia quickly added before She-Ra left, who turned around for a moment and gave her a smile and a nod before walking away.

With that, Catra and her were left alone, and now that she’d finally ran out of potatoes to attack the former would eventually be forced to say something.

“What was that about?” Was what she decided on.

“What was what about?” Scorpia replied, frowning in confusion.

“That whole thing. I thought you hated her.”

“And why did you think that?”

Catra finally looked up at her with a serious facial expression, one which Scorpia was too familiar with to be scared of.

“Just because I don’t particularly like her doesn’t mean I hate her” she explained, being the one to break eye contact.

“It’s weird to see you talking to her.”

“Why?”

“It just…” Catra grimaced, scratching her own thighs in an awkward motion. “Is.”

“Well, it’s weird to see _you_ talking to her. You two spend so much time together lately.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“I think you do” Scorpia looked back at the woman then, who only stared back at her for a moment before averting her gaze. “I think you just want to do it.”

Catra’s eyes were now fixated in the other two people eating at the table right next to them, visibly avoiding looking back at Scorpia. She could almost see steam coming out of Catra’s head as she concentrated on something, squinting her eyes and furrowing her brows for a long moment before finally forcing herself to look back at her.

“So what if I do?”

Scorpia swallowed.

She didn’t expect Catra to come out with such a sincere statement, so this time she was the one to fall silent. Unlike Catra though, Scorpia didn’t stare away even for a second, looking into Catra’s eyes searching for something to hold on to. She didn’t find it, and felt herself falling.

_That’s fine_ , she thought. _I just wonder why it can’t be me _.__

__Instead of saying anything, all Scorpia did was stand up from her table without touching her plate and step away towards the exit. She felt a hand grab at her arm when she walked past Catra, which happened to be the most physical contact she had had with the woman since She-Ra had re-entered their lives._ _

__“I don’t want to hurt you. It’s hard for me.”_ _

__“It’s hard for me too” Scorpia replied._ _

__“She’s nothing to me” she said, looking down at Scorpia’s feet without letting go of her and keeping her expression impassive as ever. “I want to be alone, you know that.”_ _

__The fact that Catra wasn’t even able to look at her straight in the eyes while saying that told Scorpia enough._ _

__They had gone through so much together. Scorpia had been there for Catra when everyone else neglected her; she would have gone through hell and back just to please her.  
Since the first day they met when they were kids she had admired her as a leader and as a person; the mere thought of losing her once they became close was terrifying, which brought her to do anything to keep the woman by her side. When she needed a friend, she was her friend. And when she needed a lover, she became her lover. But nothing ever seemed to be enough for Catra._ _

__Now she realized why._ _

__It wasn’t that what she was doing wasn’t enough; nothing that she could do would ever be enough. Because she wasn’t what Catra had truly wanted all these years._ _

__She wasn’t Adora._ _

__In a terrifying way, Scorpia found comfort in that conclusion. At least it meant there was nothing she could do to change how the other felt, and the thought set her free._ _

__Unable to voice her feelings, knowing that Catra wouldn’t understand, she gently but firmly slid her arm away from the woman’s grasp._ _

__“You can tell yourself that all you want Catra. But please, just don’t lie to me.”_ _

__Without giving the feline a chance to reply, Scorpia immediately started to walk away, unable to face her ex lover for even a second longer. She didn’t go after her, and for once Scorpia was grateful for it._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I'm sorry this chapter was so short I didn't have any time to work on it this week, so I thought might as well make it painful am I right.
> 
> ALSO: I won't be able to post a chapter next week due to personal reasons, but I'll come back the net Sunday with more gay content for y'all. Thank you for reading!


	11. Old friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She-Ra meets with an old friend and Catra finally gives in. Just a little.

The line between enjoyment and contentment was a blurry one.

At first, Adora had come to be content with her stay in the Horde. Once she and Catra’s relationship started to improve and they were at the very least in talking terms, Adora had finally gone from surviving to actually living.

Even though every day she fought to prove herself and the fact that she belonged, slowly but surely the people of the Horde started to accept her as one of their own- not only because of Catra’s threats to anyone that dared even look at Adora in a weird way.  
With time people had come to actually enjoy her presence, since after years it had proven to be the only thing that could control Catra’s anger.

Since she had moved in Adora had brought her wife’s punishments down to a minimum, and the only reason they hadn’t disappeared completely was because Hordak insisted that those shows of control were necessary to keep their people obedient.

He said it was for their protection. Adora called it tyranny.

As much as she wanted to say she hated to go back to such a terrible place, something inside Adora told her this was where she belonged. Truth is, she would prefer to feel miserable for the next month of her stay rather than have to confront the fact that she might actually be enjoying herself due to what that feeling entailed.

The last ten years of her life had been guided by that hatred, that need for revenge she so desperately denied. _It wasn't like that_ , she told herself. She did it for Etheria.

But inevitably, her fight had always been fueled by hate.

"Let's meet up at the main entrance at five." Catra's words brought her back to reality as  
they stood face to face in the middle of the street. The woman hadn't seemed to realize Adora had been lost somewhere else for the last few minutes, which she appreciated and was annoyed by at the same time.

"Okay."

"Not one minute later."

"Okaaay." She-Ra smiled. "I can't believe you're lecturing me about being on time."

Catra rolled her eyes.

"I'm not."

"Whatever you say. And thank you."

"Just go away before I change my mind."

Catra's inadequacy to process the most basic emotional responses would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad.

"Okay.” She-Ra replied raising her arms in a sign of defeat before she turned around  
and started walking. "See you at six." she said once she was almost too far away for Catra to hear.

"Five!” The other yelled as a response. "Very funny!" She continued after realizing She-Ra was just trying to get on her nerves.

The blonde didn't turn around, just smiling while armed with her sword and a big backpack that  
weighted nothing on her back.

Months had gone by since Adora had asked to be allowed to receive visits from her allies from the Rebellion. Hordak had argued it was too soon, and that their presence would  
only complicate things. For once she didn't completely disagree, but of course that didn't make her any less angry about his negative to let her meet with her friends.

After a while, and knowing how and when to pick her battles, Adora attempted to at least be allowed to leave the premises of the Fright Zone on her own for a few hours.

This time Hordak agreed with her request, trusting she wouldn't try to run away as it wouldn't make any sense for her to do so. He did set one rule; she would have to warn Catra and get her permission every time she wanted to leave on her own, and it would never be for periods longer than two hours at a time.

It was good enough for her.

The further she walked into the Whispering Woods the more evident the damage they had  
collectively done to Etheria became.  
The Horde may had been the one to cause the Cataclysm, but it was the Rebellion's job to avoid such a disaster from ever taking place. And they failed.

She wasn’t aimlessly walking trying to find a fertile piece of land; Adora already knew she wouldn’t find that just by taking a stroll through the Whispering Woods. She was searching for a person rather than a place, and luckily it only took her a few more minutes of wandering to find who she had been looking for.

“Madame Razz.”

At the sound of her name the old woman turned around, immediately bringing a hand to her face to fix her glasses which Adora was convinced were too dirty to even see through anyway. Seeing She-Ra brought a wide smile to her face, and in an impressive display of athletics for such an old being she jumped in place and rushed to meet her.

“Oh Mara dear, welcome back!”

Due to her height all the old woman could hug once she reached She-Ra was her legs, and the blonde responded by bringing her hands to the other’s back and rubbing it carefully as if applying any pressure would break her in half.

“It’s been so long, I thought we wouldn’t see each other for another ten years!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come visit you earlier. I’ve been… busy.”

“It’s okay my dear, what matters is that you’re here right now” Madame Razz held She-Ra’s hand between hers, looking up at her face with a wide smile.

She-Ra smiled back at her.

“So, what have you been up to the last few months?”

Madame Razz started to walk at that, and the other fell into pace right by her side.

As she explained all the things she had been occupying her time with since the last time they had seen each other, Adora admired how much the small land Madame Razz resided in had improved in comparison to the rest of the woods.

After the Cataclysm had taken place Adora promised herself that as soon as it was considered safe to go out, the first thing she would do would be look for who had become her confidant since she had discovered her power to turn into She-Ra. Finding her safe and sound in the same little cottage she had met her for the first time had brought the woman to tears.

Sometimes when she visited Madame Razz she remembered that the She-Ra in front of her wasn’t the one she used to know all those years ago, but most of the time she still believed the woman she called Mara had never left. Eventually Adora just stopped correcting her and let her believe what made her the happiest; she was used to pretending to be someone else.

The last time she had come to visit her, knowing she wouldn’t be able to pay her any visits for as long as she was staying with the Horde, the once green and fertile terrain where the woman had planted vegetables and other products of dubious origin for her potions was only starting to progress after ten years of being unable to produce even one average looking fruit.

But now that it was safe to go out and Madame Razz had been able to use her magic on a small portion of the terrain, after only five months, it was slowly but surely going back to its original state.

Most of the small garden still looked brown and sad, but there were green patches of land that gave Adora hope for the future of their planet. If Madame Razz had managed to bring back to life a small portion of the Whispering Woods, there was no doubt if everyone joined forces they would be able to resurrect the rest of the woodland in no time.

“What about you?” The old woman said once she was done talking about herself, which had taken quite a long while. She was now crouching down next to a small, colorful accumulation of flowers that fought to sprout in the sad scenery that surrounded them. “What do I owe this nice visit to?”

“Well, I was actually hoping you would help me with something.”

With that said She-Ra took off her backpack and kneeled on the floor next to the other woman, slowly opening it and taking out a flower wrapped in some plastic.

“Oh my!” Madame Razz exclaimed, practically snatching the flower from She-Ra’s hands. “How dare you transport such a fragile little thing in this way?” 

Her words were followed by an abrupt movement of the broom she was yielding with the intention of hitting She-Ra in the head. She succeeded.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know how to deal with delicate things” the warrior defended herself, rubbing the side of her head that had received the whap. “That’s why I brought it to you. I’m going to be away for a long while, and I don’t want to travel with it. I’m scared it will die.”

Madame Razz was too occupied inspecting the flower to pay her any attention. Still, Adora knew she was listening, so she continued speaking.

“I was hoping you could take care of it for a few months. Until I can come back and visit you.”

Finally the woman looked up from the plant, fixing her glasses, to stare at She-Ra.

“You have nothing to worry about; I will take care of this small one. Besides, that way I can be sure you will come back to visit me.” She pinched She-Ra’s cheek with her hand hard enough for it to sting.

“I would come visit you either way. You know that.” The other replied rubbing her cheek with a wide smile.

At that Madame Razz let out a dismissive noise and started to work on replanting the small flower with the help of some tools she had stored next to her plants. She-Ra took the chance to stand up and look around at the more fertile-looking side of the woods.

“It’s so cold. There hasn’t been a warm day in a few years.”

“It was warm for a while.” Madame Razz replied, not looking up from the work she was doing. “A couple years ago, remember?”

“I do.” She-Ra replied, also not averting her eyes from the place they were fixated in; a group of trees not far away from where they were standing. “It was so hot for months; we couldn’t even step outside the castle.” Finally She-Ra gave in and looked down and around her. “How did you manage to keep all of these plants alive through that?”  
“There were many more plants before. A lot of them did die during that period, and a lot have died with the cold.” The woman replied while patting the soil around the flower. She stood up after that, rubbing the dirt off of her skirt with her hands. “But I’m happy with the ones that have made in through. I have my own little family here.”

That didn’t answer her question. Still, She-Ra didn’t press the issue.

“That’s why I trust you with this flower. It’s very important to me, and I know you will take good care of it.”

“It’s a she, actually.”

“Err, okay.” She-Ra frowned. “I know you’ll take good care of her.”

“Of course I will!” The woman stated as she started to walk away from the flowers and towards the small shack where she lived. “I’ll do it for you, but I would take care of her regardless. Why is she so important to you?”

“It was a gift from someone very important.” She-Ra followed her without the need of being instructed to do so.

“I see. Well no need to worry, you can go out on one of those little trip of yours in peace. She will be safe here with mama Razz.”

She-Ra laughed at that, bringing a hand to her stomach from the jitter of muscle.

“I have no doubt.”

“Why don’t you come in now dear? I can make you something to drink.” The older woman asked while opening the door once they reached the small structure.

“Actually… I should be going. I’m meeting someone at five and I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh boo.” Madame Razz replied with the annoyed attitude of a child who had been denied and didn’t understand why. “Can’t this person wait? We need to catch up on some girl stuff.”

Even after all the years they had known each other She-Ra was still amazed by her ability to switch up from an old woman’s behavior to a more childish one within seconds.

“I wish I could, really.” She-Ra crouched down to grab her hand in a diplomatic matter. “But I can’t.”

“Don’t be so condescending.” The elderly woman replied, hitting the blonde with her broom again. “I’m not a child!”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” She once again rubbed the spot with her hand and started to get up.

“Where do you think you’re going you huge woman, come back down here!” Madame Razz interrupted her by grabbing her arm and pulling her back down for a hug.

She-Ra laughed and hugged the woman back, still feeling a twinge of pain on the side of her head but incapable to deny the woman anything she asked for. Besides, Adora really needed that hug.

“Will you come back and visit me as soon as possible?”

“I promise.”

“I promise…” Madame Razz imitated her in a low whisper, shaking her head like she didn’t trust what she was hearing. “I’ll believe that when I see it. Now go. I know you have a lot to do.”

It had taken a while but Adora had finally learned not to ask too much when it came to Madame Razz. And that included not asking what she meant by that, or why she seemed so naïve in some regards when the way she spoke directly contradicted that childlike stance.

***

She did not miss Adora.

Being forced to spend almost every hour of every day with someone was absolute torture for Catra. It didn't matter if it was Adora, She-Ra or even Hordak himself.  
If she was already hard to deal with as a kid, the woman had only grown more solitary with the years.

And of course, if she was to enjoy someone's company, it sure as hell wouldn't be Adora's.

Before the other's arrival, just having to attend meetings with other people and being forced to interact with them was agonizing. Not to mention that at least at first she was expected to be friendly with them; the same people that had made her childhood a living hell.  
Not to mention they were a living, breathing reminder of what Catra had lost.

Still, as she stood in front of the main entrance of the building she was probably supposed to call home fifteen minutes before she and She-Ra had decided to meet up, Catra started to question herself for the millionth time since the warrior's arrival.

If she didn't miss her, why did she find it so hard to occupy her free time with something to keep her mind off of things? Even if she actually had something to do while she was alone, the moment Adora's presence disappeared her mind started to travel to places she considered long forgotten.

Just like when they were kids.

Adora's presence had been the only thing anchoring Catra to reality since very early in life. Whenever she had a problem, anytime she felt she wasn't good enough, all the blonde had to do was give her one of those sincere, heartfelt smiles for Catra to remember that everything would be all right.

That feeling had left when Adora did, and Catra had learnt to live with it.

But after receiving the news that her ex-companion was returning, the last thing Catra expected was for that emotional dependency to come back with her as well.

Maybe it wasn't Adora as a person what she missed. Maybe she just missed how real she felt when they looked at each other. Or maybe she missed how, since they had started living together, she didn't feel hatred build up inside her every time she remembered Adora's betrayal. Actually, she didn't even think about it that much anymore.

Still, as much as she told herself that that wasn't the case, there was no doubt that Catra did, in some way at least, miss Adora.

The figure of She-Ra finally appeared in Catta's line of sight, who immediately stood up straight and puffed out her chest.

“I'm back on time.” She quickly defended herself before giving Catra any chance to attack first.

“Barely.” Is all the other added in response as she turned around in her heels and made her way into the building.

“It's 4:58, I think complimenting my timeliness would be a nice incentive for me in the future.”

Arms crossed, Catra looked at her only with her eyes as she slightly tilted her head forward in a patronizing manner.

“Good girl, muscle brain. Are you happy?”

“I could have gone without that last part, but it will do for now.”

To Catra's disappointment they reached the meeting room sooner than she had expected and she was robbed of the chance to tease She-Ra for her need of approval one more time. It could wait, she told herself. At least until after the reunion.

…

The weekly meeting with Hordak and the cadet trainers went as per usual. Nothing stood out and no one suggested any big changes; everyone knew said reunions were nothing but a mere formality to give them the illusion of power within the Horde, but no one dared speak against Hordak in that matter. And Catra would sure as hell not be the one to do so.

Once they were done, the man asked the marriage to stay put as everyone else left the room.

“So, She-Ra.” He started once the three of them were left alone. “How would you evaluate your stay within the Horde?”

Catra could almost see the passive aggressiveness of a response building up in She-Ra's face, and quickly sent her a look that asked her to behave. Apparently she obeyed.

“I have no complaints.” A very tame response in comparison to what Adora would have preferred to tell Hordak, Catra was sure.

“I would expect so; we have done everything in our power to make sure you found your place within our people where you feel comfortable.” He looked at Catra. “I'd say we have achieved that much.”

“Is there any purpose to this?” Catra bit her own tongue at She-Ra's comment, as if this could in any way hurt the other woman. Instead all she got was a feeling of impotence and a twinge of pain.

Hordak didn't seem affected by her words, but then again, he wasn't exactly the easiest man to read. Not even for Catra.

“I am expecting the same treatment for my soldier as well. You shall accommodate her once you leave for Bright Moon next month and make sure she is well adapted within your people.”

Next month. The thought made Catra want to throw up.

“I can assure you, she will be taken care of. I will make sure of it personally.” She-Ra replied, refusing to back down with her snarky comments.

“Good.” Hordak continued as he stood up, making his way behind their seats until Catra knew he was standing behind her without even having to turn around. “Because, trust me, I will find out if that's not the case.”

He placed his cold hands on Catra's shoulders, who didn't react to the touch. For some reason, she saw She-Ra shiver at the sight.

“Trust me.” She started, keeping a cordial tone of voice even if her words didn't reflect that same feeling. “You will have no problem communicating with her. Unlike the restrictive rules the Horde has placed on my person, Catra will be able to contact any of you whenever she pleases. Not that I have been giving such treatment; I haven't been able to contact anyone outside the Fright Zone since I arrived. Which by the way, need I remind you periodical visits and or remote contact with allies of the affected are a part of our treaty?”

“Well, that's hardly fair, is it? You've come to us during a time of tension and uncertainty. How was I supposed to know you weren't plotting some kind of revenge against us?” Hordak replied while digging his thumbs in Catra's back. Not too hard, just enough for She-Ra to see what he was doing. “Now that you've spent so much time with us and we know you're not a threat, I would be more than happy to allow you to visit your little friends every once in a while.”

She-Ra pressed her lips together, visibly trying to stop herself from saying anything too stupid.

“As I said, you have nothing to worry about.” She glanced away from the man and at Catra. “I will make sure she's okay.”

“Very well.” He finished after a long pause, moving his hands away from Catra's shoulders and turning around to face a large window that occupied almost the whole wall. “We’ll talk about this again when we begin the preparations for your departure. For now, you're free to leave.”

Almost jumping out from her seat, She-Ra was the first one to make her way towards the exit, clearly impatient to leave the room.

Catra longed there a little longer after standing up, staring at Hordak's back with a puzzled look. He didn't turn around. When Catra faced forward again, She-Ra was waiting for her at the door in silence.

“Oh, by the way.” His voice filled the room once again now that Catra had finally started to walk away. “There's been some trouble with the laundry. The water that was used turned out to be contaminated and everything has to be replaced; I apologize for the inconvenience. Hopefully everything will be ready by tomorrow.”

Catra frowned. Why was Hordak giving them that explanation? It felt out of character, and not something that the leader of the Horde would be telling them.

As always Catra brushed it off and simply nodded before walking out accompanied by She-Ra, who she had to grab by the arm so she would stop staring at the other man in silence from the door.

“I could see the smoke coming out of your head.”

“I was trying to make his explode with his mind.” She-Ra replied with a sigh. “It didn't work.”

“I can see that.”

They made the rest of the way to their bedroom in comfortable silence. They had learned to stop filling im every moment they spent together with mindless conversation, which had incredibly bettered their relationship, since Catra wasn't a very receptive person and Adora wasn't exactly a master conversationalist.

The moment they reached the door, Catra knew something was right. She considered it her feline instinct, but in retrospect it was probably just her mind making sense of the fact that Hordak really had bothered telling them about laundry. There were very few things he could do that would be more suspicious than that.

Mindlessly and clearly not as worried as Catra, She-Ra pushed the door wide open and walked in before stopping dead in her tracks. Catra peeked in from behind the woman's arm to investigate.

There were no sheets, no blankets… the bed had been completely stripped to the point where there was only a bare mattress with one small pillow on top. Of course Catra's make shift bed bad also disappeared, and even the rug was gone. Sending one glance to closet, which had its doors wide open, was enough to see that her very few clothes had also disappeared.

“Great.” Was all the feline said, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes out of frustration.

“Well, it's not too bad.” She-Ra started, not sounding very convinced. “Look, the mattress isn't ruined.”

Catra groaned at the comment and with a flash of light She-Ra disappeared and Adora took her place in front of her eyes.

“He said everything would be ready by tomorrow. Besides, it's not even that cold here.” the blonde tried to make light of the situation as she sat down on the bare mattress.

“I bet it's not up there.” Catra replied, slowly walking towards the place next to the bed where she always slept and giving the floor one hard stump. “I'm not so sure about the floor though.”

“Well, you can't just sleep on the bare floor Catra. You're sleeping on the bed.”

“I've already told you I'm-”

“Not sleeping with me, yeah, I get it.” Adora let out with an exasperated sigh. “I'll take the floor.”

“Like hell you will.”

“You've slept on the floor for the past three months, I think I can take a night there.”

“Well, I think you don't.”

“We'll, I'm not sleeping in the bed.” Adora said, crossing her arms in a determined manner.

“Well, I'm not either!” Catra replied imitating her gesture mockingly.

Adora opened her mouth, offended, and then closed it angrily.

“Well, fantastic.”

“Well, great.” Catra quickly replied.

“Ugh!” Her wife replied, clenching her fists and hitting the mattress with them. “You're such a brat!”

“ _I’m_ a brat? You're one to speak!”

“You’re one to speak.” Adora was the one to imitate her then with an exaggeratedly ridiculous tone of voice, clearly trying to make fun of Catra.

“Oh nice, very mature.”

“Oh nice, very mature.” She continued mimicking her sentences, accompanying them of exaggerated gestures with her mind. Delighted with her own responses, a smile crept up on Adora's face.

“Ha-ha. Very cute.”

“Ha-ha. Very cute.”

“You're almost thirty, woman.”

“You're almost thirty, woman.”

Catra grunted, exasperated, and even though Adora tried to imitate the sound she couldn't help but start laughing midway through the gesture. The feline had to grimace in order to keep a smile from appearing in her face and, eventually unable to keep it concealed at the sound of Adora's laughter, she turned her head to the side to at least keep her wife from seeing it.

When she turned around to face Adora, the woman was looking down with a small, bitter smile that wiped Catra's from her face.

“I wish this wasn't so hard.” Adora muttered, not looking up from the spot on the floor she seemed so fixated in.

For once, Catra let her guard down.

“Me too.”

Not knowing what else to say Adora tapped her fingers against the mattress and stood up, walking to the other side of the bed and taking off her jacket, boots and well as the decorations in her shirts, pants and wrists.

There was nothing Adora could have said at that moment that Catra didn't already know, and a part of her was grateful she didn't have to talk about their situation. The other part though, the one that urgently craved some peace of mind, wished she would've said something else.

Catra started to imitate her wife from the other side of the bed, taking off her jacket, belt and everything else that would bother her to sleep. She took her time, more than usual, as she considered her next step. So far her plan was just to take longer than Adora to see what the woman would do, and then decide what to do next based on that.

When she was done, all the blonde did was lay down on the bed giving Catra her back. Looking at her the scene she was faced with was a very familiar one; the bed Adora and her used to share when they were cadets wasn't much more equipped than that one. If anything, even without sheets or blankets, the fact that that mattress was actually soft and didn't feel like laying on a stone was enough to set them apart.

Catra let out a sigh, still conflicted, and stared at her own reflection in the small mirror next to the door of the bedroom. As always the first thing her eyes went to was the large scar crossing her face from top to bottom. She should be thankful she hadn't lost sight in the eye it went over, but she wasn't. It was painful enough that the person laying in her bed at that moment had been the one that gave her that scar, Catra thought. It was okay if she didn't feel thankful about it.

Letting go of her belt, which fell to the floor next to the bed, Catra walked towards the light switch and flipped it off. Immediately and without giving herself too much time to think about it she made her way back to the bed and lay down on it next to Adora, back to back with her.

She felt the other's body tense at the sound, and after a long moment of complete silence Catra felt Adora's body move and turn around to face her. She didn't move, her back still turned to her.

“Good night.” The blonde muttered.

Catra curled her body even more, rubbing her nose against her knees and curling her tail around her own body.

“Good night.”

She barely slept that night. Adora didn't touch her. Catra was grateful for it; she knew it would have hurt too much.

Still, something inside her wished she had at least tried. It was better to be held and feel that pain than not be held at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me, I'm back with that gay shit™!!!!


	12. Welcome home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to return to Bright Moon. Catra doesn't seem too happy.

Saying that Catra was nervous would be the understatement of the century.

A feeling of doubt overcame her; how would things be at Bright Moon? How would people treat her? Would the princesses bother acting nice to her or would they just make her life impossible for the next six months?

And even worse; what if Adora’s behavior changed once they left the Horde?

It wasn’t the first time the possibility that the woman had only acted sorry for what had happened and been compliant with Catra’s wishes in order to make sure she would be safe during her stay had popped up in her mind. If she wasn’t so stubborn, it’s what Catra would have done as well to ensure she was safe.

Of course, knowing her own character, that wouldn’t be the case during her stay with the members of the Rebellion.

It wasn’t that she purposefully wanted to misbehave or not fit in with them, it’s just that she couldn’t see herself getting along with the princesses under any circumstances. Not that she had ever closely interacted with one in person, but something told her they wouldn’t exactly get along.

She-Ra’s hand on her shoulder made Catra jump, which prompted her to immediately move it off. They looked at each other for a brief moment and for once Catra was the first to look away.

“Are you okay?”

“Been better.” Catra dryly replied.

She heard She-Ra take a deep breath, and knowing it was a silent and less direct way of asking her to do the same, Catra imitated her.

“It’s going to be okay.” They heard the noise of a shuttle landing on the other side of the closed door they were facing. “I’ll be there with you.”

Catra looked at She-Ra from the corner of her eye, who stood tall and proud with her shoulders pushed back and her chin raised. She reminded her so much of the young Adora she used to know, for a moment it felt like it would be easy to just go back to how things were years ago. As soon as the feeling came, it left, and Catra was once again faced by the sad reality that her and Adora’s relationship would never go back to the way it was before.

As she was thinking about a way to respond to her ironic statement, Hordak came up behind them and his mere presence was enough for Catra to press her lips together and look forward once again in complete silence. Luckily, She-Ra decided to imitate her. As the date of their departure approached, she had began to behave more and more in order to keep Hordak happy and not give him an excuse to pull any of his tricks which Catra admitted she suspected he would try herself.

He didn’t, but if he had, Catra knew she would have stood by his side.

Of course her relationship with Adora had gotten better; they had gone from trying to kill each other to being able to share a bed even if with an empty space where two people would fit in between them. But at the same time, she had betrayed her once in the past. What was stopping her from doing it again?  
Hordak on the other hand had never betrayed her, and even with his intense and sometimes aggressive methods of training, he had proven to only want the best for the Horde. He also considered Catra to be one of his most important assets, and so as long as she kept it that way, she was safe.

He was the only consistent figure in her life, and if she lost him too, Catra had no clue what would be of her. That’s why she clung to his approval; in hopes that that would be enough to keep him by her side, even if it hadn’t been enough with Adora.

“Are you ready?” His voice resonated across the empty hall at their backs. Everyone was outside waiting for them to get into the shuttle. Not that most of them cared or wanted to be there; their presence had been summoned for diplomatic reasons and it wasn’t like they had a choice in the matter.

In an attempt to seem more confident than she would have sounded if she said it out loud, all Catra did was nod her head. Of course she wasn’t ready, but just like the people attending their departure, it wasn’t like she had a choice.

“Let’s go.”

On cue with the man’s words two guards opened the big doors in front of them, and Catra immediately felt the sudden wind hit her face. It should be refreshing, but at that time it felt more like a punch in the nose.

Next to her, She-Ra grabbed her hand without averting her gaze from the shuttle they could now see in front of them. Catra knew the only reason she did such a thing is because they were asked to act like an actual marriage in front of the public by Hordak; Catra wouldn’t allow it otherwise. But still, every single time it happened, the brunette wondered how much honesty was in the gesture. Especially when she felt She-Ra slightly squeeze her hand before they started to walk out of the door and into the street.

The corridor that directed them to the shuttle was surrounded by people whose gazes immediately turned to them the moment the door had opened. Everything was completely silent as they walked, painfully slow for Catra’s standard. Still, the fact that they were leaving for Bright Moon was more of a political event than anything else, reason why she had even been forced to practice their walk towards the ship with She-Ra, which she considered the most stupid thing in the world. Catra had never been one to bother with etiquette and that kind of ceremonies, and being compliant with something she considered to be so stupid had proven to be hard.

She still tried her best to behave, slowly walking by She-Ra who clearly seemed way more comfortable with their situation; it was obvious she already had experience on the matter and had grown accustomed to these kinds of celebrations.

If you could even call it that.

A sepulchral silence reigned amongst the public, who only moved to turn their heads as they followed the couple’s movements. Even though it was early in the afternoon the scenery was depressingly dark, since as most days the sun was almost completely covered with clouds. No one knew if they were normal clouds or something else that the Cataclysm had caused, but since the Fright Zone had never been a sunny area it couldn’t be said that people missed sunny days. They used to be very rare anyway.

Finally both women reached the bottom of the ramp they were walking to and turned around to face Hordak, who stood already looking at them with his hands intertwined at his back.  
After staring at She-Ra for a long moment he turned his gaze to Catra and moved to stand right in front of her until she had to tilt her head back to look back at him. The man put a hand into his cape and pulled out a silver necklace with a pendant shaped like the emblem of the Horde.

Catra blinked in confusion as the man slid the necklace over her head before pressing his finger against the symbol that hung from it and against her chest. She was looking down at it with her brows furrowed when she felt Hordak’s other hand rise up to her chin to force her to look at him.

“You are not to take this off during your stay at Bright Moon. Under any circumstance.” Catra swallowed at the intense stare he was sending her way, always keeping her outer appearance bold and confident as always. “It’s a reminder of where you belong.” His hands moved as he put them on top of her shoulders, pressing his thumbs firmly against her skin. “Take care of yourself, Catra.”

“Thank you.”

Taking his hands off of her shoulders, Hordak took half a step back to offer her his arm, which she grabbed almost at elbow’s height allowing him to do the same in a professional salute.

“You are more than a soldier to me, child. Don’t forget that.”

The woman could physically feel her throat get tighter when she attempted to speak after hearing that, and quickly decided not to. The word daughter had never come out of Hordak’s mouth, but Catra swore that’s what his words were trying to convey. At least that’s what she decided to tell herself.

Again, all she did as a reply to the man was nod.

Hordak was the first to let go and Catra reluctantly did the same, letting her arm fall limb next to her body. Her eyes still followed the man as she basked in his words. It wasn’t much, but it was more than she had heard during the last ten years, and even if it wasn’t much she would take.

“We’ll see each other soon.” He added, now referring to both women. “I hope everything goes smoothly during your flight, as well as during your stay at Castle Bright Moon.” Hordak then directed his sight directly at She-Ra for the following part of his little speech. “I will know if something happens.”

She-Ra pursed her lips, visibly stopping herself from saying anything else, which she had spent most of her stay with the Horde doing. As always, Catra was grateful she chose to do so.

Without another word Hordak turned around, his cape fluttering behind him as he strolled down the corridor with long strides. Next to her, She-Ra coughed and licked her lips, a sight Catra recognized as her getting ready for a speech. Quickly, her tail moved to poke the woman in the back as a way to get her attention.

It worked, since She-Ra turned her head to look at Catra with a frown, who softly shook her head no. Even though she clearly didn’t understand why she shouldn’t, She-Ra made the wise decision of trusting her and staying silent. Instead they both turned around and started to board the shuttle.

“We’ll miss you!”

A voice shouted from the crowd breaking the silence. Both women turned around half way up the ramp, and Catra looked into the congregation of people looking for the source of said voice, who she found in one of the first rows where a guard was pushing a young woman against the person behind her presumably for being the one to yell.

It was weird to think that someone would say such a thing in regards to Catra, but it was even weirder when she realized the woman was actually looking a She-Ra with a bright smile on her face.

A couple brave people dared to join the cheering, whistling and shouting words of encouragement at She-Ra as both women stared back at them in shock. First it was one person, then two, and even though the vast majority of people stayed silent the fact that around twenty people were daring to not only interrupt the ceremony but to cheer on who still should be considered the enemy was disturbing. The guards made their way through the tight crowd to stop the yelling which they considered to be a disturbance of an official act. Catra’s eyes traveled from She-Ra, who was looking back at the scene horrified, to Hordak, who had stopped walking once he almost reached the door but didn’t turn around to face the scene.

Before she could stop her again, She-Ra had taken a few steps down and gotten back on the floor to speak.

“Enough!” She yelled with one arm stretched forward, catching the attention of the guards who stopped dragging people out of the tumult. “Please let them be.”

Lacking of Hordak’s attention, the guards instead looked at Catra, who for the first time in a long time had no clue what to do. Finally, she raised her hand in a gesture that told them to relax, and they let go of the agitators.

She-Ra relaxed her body, letting down her arm and opening and closing her fists a couple times. She turned her head to look at Catra, who looked back at her in silence with a serious look on her face. Mouthing a ‘sorry’, she turned around again and began to speak.

“I know we didn’t start on the best foot.” She began, clasping her hands in front of her and regarding everyone in the crowd with her eyes. “But I want to thank you all for being so welcoming the last few months of my stay. You’ve helped make me feel at home, I’ll never forget that. I appreciate your kindness, but please stay safe. I beg you not to disobey the authorities.” She very pointedly added. “I promise I will take care of Catra back at Bright Moon, and we will come back safe and sound in another six months.”

With that she gave the people a smile and turned around, boarding the shuttle. Catra waited for a moment, also regarding everyone at the crowd with her eyes. As soon as the woman had disappeared from their sight, people had started to look away and talk to each other in whispers, even though Catra was still standing there in the ramp. Not that she had done anything to gain their appreciation, but it hurt to see them so invested and saddened about She-Ra’s departure but so indifferent about her.

Having no excuses to simply stand there and look at everyone, Catra joined She-Ra in the shuttle and turned around as the ramp started to close, the last thing she saw being the doors close at Hordak’s back after he entered a building she wouldn’t see again for half a year.

***

The trip was short and they spent it in complete silence. She-Ra wanted to talk to Catra, maybe apologize for ignoring her advice. Explain to her why she _needed_ to say something after seeing what was happening in the crowd back at the Fright Zone. Still, she didn’t want to press the matter. It could wait.

The feeling of the shuttle starting to land made She-Ra feel a knot in her stomach. She swallowed, turning around to put her ear against the metal behind her in an attempt to listen to the outside, which was impossible due to the noise the shuttle made during the landing.

As soon as they felt it stop moving She-Ra brought her hands to her belt and took it off, standing up and running her hands over her clothes to straighten them. Looking at Catra, she saw her staring right back at her with a hard expression.

Before anything could be said she dismissively looked away and took of her belt, standing up and walking past her wife to stand in front of the gate that would open to let them walk out.

Slowly, She-Ra followed her, standing next to her and opening and closing her fists in a nervous manner. There was something to be said, but she didn’t know what it was.

“I’m sorry I-“

“Save it.” Catra interrupted her, not even bothering to move her head to face She-Ra. Her hands were now resting into her back pockets in a nonchalant pose that the blonde knew was all show. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“You could at least give me the chance to explain myself.”

“There’s no need to.” Catra added, now finally looking at her with a more relaxed expression than before. “I understand. I know you.”

She-Ra remained silent at that.

“You are absolutely incapable of just shutting up.”

“That’s not fair-“

“I’ve been around you long enough to realize that.” She interrupted her again, surprising She-Ra who simply frowned and remained silent. “It’s like you _need_ to make yourself feel guilty and responsible for every single injustice there is in life. Even if I’m asking you not to intervene, you just can’t do that, can you?” A smile appeared on her face, but this one She-Ra found no comfort in.

“That’s not fair.” She-Ra repeated, and this time Catra didn’t interrupt her again. “There is nothing wrong in trying to do the right thing. I can’t stand there and just say nothing while Hordak’s soldiers punish people for doing something as harmless as fucking wave goodbye!”

“You’re ridiculous.” She let out a laugh along with her reply. “Not everything is about you; you are not supposed to save every single person on this planet. You can’t do that, it doesn’t matter how much you want to.”

“I can at least try.” Was the woman’s defense, who brought a fist to her chest in an emotional gesture. “I genuinely care about those people. Do you know the kind of things I’ve heard while walking through the Fright Zone? The kind of things Hordak’s done, the reign of terror there. The least I could do is stand up for those people even if it was just once, knowing that he couldn’t do anything to me. It’s our duty to do so; we are the ones that won't face the consequences for doing what’s right, we must protect the weak. He and his people can’t get away with what they were doing anymore.”

“And by his people do you mean me?” Catra asked, still with that mocking smile on her face. “Kyle, Rogelio, Lonnie, Scorpia… Why not protect us? You know us better than you do those people, and you know we go through terrible shit every single day.”

“It didn’t look like you needed my help.”

“Exactly. Because we fucking don’t. And neither do those people.” She pointed back with her arm, not tearing her eyes away from She-Ra’s face. “That’s just how things are in the Horde, Adora. And everyone is okay with it. If they aren’t, they are free to go. Just like you did.”

Getting punched in the face would have been a more subtle way to tell Adora the real motivations behind Catra’s speech.

“You can keep making yourself feel responsible for the pain of everyone around you, but let me tell you.” Catra leaned towards her at that, speaking her next words softly. “Spending your life sacrificing yourself for people you don’t even know won’t make you happy. People are shit. Get used to it.”

Before She-Ra could argue back one more time a sudden noise got their attention, and even though Catra looked away to stare right ahead at the ramp that started to open in front of them, She-Ra’s eyes still remained on her wife for a while longer.

The movement in the shuttle had clearly alerted people outside about what was happening, because as soon as the ramp was mid way down and they were able to see the couple, the crowd erupted in cheers.  
At that She-Ra finally looked away from Catra and outside the ship, being forced to squint at the sudden amount of sunshine.

The scene was like absolutely nothing she had ever seen in the last six months; there was a corridor full of flowers in front of them, and the people at both sides were dressed in pastel pinks, purples and blues as opposed to the dark black and reds of the Horde (and the uniform they were both wearing at the time for that matter).

Instead of being silent, people were encouraged to yell, scream and clap at the arrival of She-Ra. At the other side of the corridor she could see the princesses, Queen Angella and, most importantly, her two best friends.

The etiquette she had been taught by Angella since she had officially become She-Ra indicated she was supposed to wait until the ramp was all the way down, then step down alongside Catra and slowly make her way to them while acknowledging the public around her.

But they weren’t in the Fright Zone. She didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

The ramp hadn’t even touched the ground yet when She-Ra suddenly stepped on it and jumped down into the floor, running in the Castle’s direction. Glimmer and Bow both saw the gesture, and clearly were more than happy to join her and start running towards her. She-Ra saw the Queen’s expression, who pressed her lips together but softly smiled, not bothering to stop any of them.

The three of them were only a few feet apart from each other and She-Ra thought Bow would make his way to her faster than Glimmer, when the woman suddenly teleported way too far ahead suddenly slamming into her.

The hit stopped her dead in her tracks and made her fall backwards on the floor with her friend on top of her, but before she could ask Glimmer if she was okay both women felt the other member of the trio join their reunion on the floor by jumping on She-Ra as well.

The woman tightly and effortlessly held both of them in her arms, pressing them against her body and burying her face in them while he heard them laugh, as if just staying like that would save her from everything she would be forced to face in a matter of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys! Sorry to say that I've been really busy lately with personal stuff and until summer I won't be able to upload every week. I'll upload a new chapter every other Sunday from now on, but I'll try my best to do so more frequently if possible. Thank you for understanding!


	13. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra doesn't seem stoked about her stay at Bright Moon, and neither does Glimmer regardless of Bow's efforts to keep things peaceful. Also, Adora has a deep conversation with herself.

“We are all so happy to see you again, Adora.”

Silence reigned in the room as the Queen spoke, and even though no one dared disrespect her by joining the conversation despite how much they wanted to, said silence felt completely different to the one always present in the reunions She-Ra had been attending during her stay with the Horde.

Those silences took place out of fear of Hordak’s reaction if he were to be interrupted; they weren’t motivated by respect and admiration as they were in the reunion room of Castle Bright Moon. This led to awkward, very uncomfortable moments where everyone dreaded being the next to speak, whereas with the Queen people eagerly waited for their turn to speak knowing that most of the time a mere mistake would not lead to any severe punishment.

“I’m happy to be here.” The woman replied.

Clearly the same could not be said about her companion, who lay slouched on a big chair next to She-Ra. Her eyes were fixed on her left hand’s claws, which seemed more interesting than the conversation taking place. The Queen glanced at her for a moment, coughing in hopes to get her attention, which proved futile.

She-Ra felt embarrassed by her reaction, but didn’t mention anything.

“So, how was it?” The sound of Perfuma’s voice made everyone turn their heads in the princess’ direction, whose fingers were intertwined as she held her hands in front of her chest. “Did they treat you well?”

After looking at Catra from the corner of her eye and seeing she didn’t react to the question, She-Ra decided to reply herself.

“Not too bad.”

“ _Not too bad?_ ” Mermista asked, leaning forward with her palms pressed flat against the table. “C’mon. You’re just trying to impress us.” The blue-haired woman continued, now leaning back with half a smile.

“I don’t think she is. I think she’s just badass.” Bow added, his chin resting on top of his fist as he stared at She-Ra admiringly.

“I’m serious.” She-Ra laughed, her eyes acknowledging everyone in the room as they stared back at her in disbelief. “They’ve been very accommodating. It’s not been as bad as I thought.”

“Would you go back voluntarily?” Frosta dryly asked.

She-Ra looked at her as the girl stared into her eyes with a serious expression on her face.

“I will when it’s time to.”

“But do you _want_ to?”

A new kind of silence invaded the room, and after interchanging looks with everyone and realizing no one was about to jump in and save her from Frosta. She couldn’t blame them for it; she wouldn’t dare do so herself.

“No.” She-Ra softly stated, knowing her words would finally get Catra’s attention. “I don’t.”

“Good.” Frosta replied immediately, her eyes now fixated on Catra who hadn’t moved or showed any reaction to the interaction that had just taken place. Still, Adora knew she was listening.

“I assume you’re both tired from your flight, and admittedly this reunion isn’t the most exciting or relaxing thing to do after a trip.” Queen Angella was the one to get Adora out of the mess she had gotten herself into. As per usual. “Glimmer, Bow, why don’t you give our guest a tour of the Castle and then we will let them both settle down in their rooms for today. We shall resume our reunion first thing in the morning when you are both well rested.”

Upon being dismissed everyone stood up, approaching She-Ra and taking turns to properly greet her. Including Frosta. Adora knew the younger woman didn’t have any bad intentions despite her bluntness, and she had learnt not to take anything she said personally. She just wanted to ensure the wellbeing of the Rebellion, and even if her tenacity used to scare Adora she’d eventually come to admire it.

Soon enough everyone had left, and She-Ra was making her way out of the room accompanied by Bow as Glimmer. Being with her friends made her feel as if she had never left Bright Moon, but soon enough the reminder of her time away was presented to her in the form of Catra walking after them and closing the door behind her.

She was completely quiet, with her hands buried in the back pockets of her pants, she seemed to be looking for something more interesting to look at in the corridor than the three friends standing in front of her. The woman didn’t look uncomfortable as much as merely annoyed to be there, whereas Bow did look awkward himself as he rubbed his own arm and licked his lips clearly looking for something to say regarding Catra’s presence.

For better or for worse, Glimmer was faster than him.

“So, we’re going to take a walk. You can go to your room if you don’t want to come.”

It took Catra a moment to realize that she was being spoken to, but after realizing no one was replying to Glimmer she looked up and replied herself.

“I thought the Queen told you to give me a tour.”

“She did.” Glimmer continued, her arms crossed in a defensive manner. “But you obviously don’t want to be here, and you look like you don’t give a damn about this place. So maybe you’re better off staying in your room.” She shrugged. “We won’t annoy you and you won’t annoy us.”

“Oh, please.” Catra replied, her back now leaned against the wall. “I’m dying for a good Castle tour.”

She-Ra looked at her wife, a deep frown on her face, but didn’t add anything. What was she supposed to say anyway?

“Well, hey,” Bow quickly chimed in as Glimmer opened her mouth, interrupting her before she could say anything else. “I think it’s best for everyone if we go through with that whole tour plan. Seeing as if we don’t we will succumb to Queen Angella’s wrath, and some of us aren’t her daughter and we can’t afford to anger her.” He said, putting his arm around Glimmer’s shoulders and pressing her against himself.

All the woman did as a reaction was grunt and move away from Bow’s embrace, approaching She-Ra and grabbing her arm before starting to walk away. She-Ra smiled at her, placing her hand on her friend’s arm in a reassuring gesture.

Behind them, She-Ra could hear a conversation between Bow and Catra, if the short interchange of words could even be called that.

“Don’t take it personally; she’s very protective of her friends. I’m sure she will get used to your presence once you’ve stayed with us for a couple weeks.” Bow’s voice whispered behind them.

There was a short pause before Catra replied.

“Don’t talk to me.”

“Err. Okay...” Bow muttered in a defeated but not surprised tone before accelerating his walk to catch up with them.

“You’re wearing it.” Glimmer was saying when he arrived, looking at the pendant hanging from She-Ra’s neck. The woman looked down at it and held it in her palm, looking at it with adoration as they walked.

“Of course. I never take it off.”

Finally Glimmer seemed to relax, a wide smile forming on her face at the blonde’s words.

“I’m so happy you’re okay.” Bow started once he reached his friends, putting his arm around She-Ra’s waist since her shoulders were out of reach for him. Glimmer did the same, hugging the upper part of her waist and making it more difficult for the three of them to walk. She didn’t care.

“I'm happy I'm here. How have things been since I left?”

“Stressful.” Bow was quick to reply, letting go of her with a sigh. “I can't control Glimmer by myself!”

“Hey!” the woman referenced jumped in, leaning forward to look at Bow with a frown.

“We couldn't control her while I was here anyway.” She-Ra replied, her body acting as a barrier between the two.

“Hey!!” Glimmer repeated, also letting go to cross her arms.

Bow and She-Ra looked at each other with a smile and raised eyebrows, to which Glimmer replied with a scoff. Soon enough, the three of them were laughing again.

“Well, err…” Bow stopped walking once they reached a big hall, both of her friends stopping as well and turning around to face him. “This is the main entrance.” he added looking at Catra, who had fallen in step behind them without saying a word.

Looking at her, She-Ra could almost hear a snarky remark coming from her, especially since she already knew the room as they had entered the castle through it a couple hours ago.

She begged Catra to behave with a silent stare, the same way she had been doing for the past six months. Catra ran her claws across her pants while staring back, knowing perfectly what She-Ra was asking for.

_Please, behave._

A sigh left the feline's lips.

“I see.”

Well, it was better than nothing, She-Ra thought.

With that said their resumed their tour, which mostly consisted of She-Ra, Glimmer and Bow talking to one another, often being stopped by guards and other workers that insisted on asking about the warrior's stay in the Fright Zone. Every once in a while, when they reached a room that could be considered of relevance to Catra, Bow stopped to tell her the use of said room and the hours when she could use it. She only replied with either a soft noise or a mere 'okay’ but, again, it was better than have Glimmer snap at her being even slightly disrespectful towards bow.

“And this will be your room.” Bow explained once they reached one of the doors on the third floor. This time he opened it, moving to the side to let Catra walk in.

She did, and She-Ra joined her.

The interior clashed with the decoration of the rest of the castle. Most of the rooms’ walls in Castle Bright Moon were painted in soft pastel colors and overly decorated with colorful themes; from the paintings hanging everywhere to the tables in the dining room, there was no grey or black to be seen. Pinks, purples and blues were the clear protagonists everywhere you looked at, accordingly to the Queen's uniform color scheme.

Instead, the room that had been assigned to Catra was barely decorated at all, and the little amount of furniture in it had only gray motifs. The big window right in front of them was completely covered by a curtain, making the room almost pitch black, whereas the rest of the castle's windows were completely uncovered and welcoming to the rays of sun.

“When Adora first got here she hated her room, so we tried to make this as opposite as that one as possible.” Bow said behind them.

“It's the saddest thing I've ever seen.” Glimmer muttered, and then added an 'oich’ after being elbowed in the ribs by her friend.

She-Ra didn't turn around, looking at Catra and taking in her reaction. She silently walked around the room taking in her surroundings, touching and running her hands through everything as if she were looking for a trap.

It was obvious Glimmer hated the room, but Adora knew it was the perfect fit for Catra.

Finally Catra seemed to have inspected the room in its totality, including the few boxes full of her things that had already been brought in, and after stopping next to the king sized bed she turned around to look at She-Ra before saying:

“There’s just one.”

“Yeah.” She replied, more in the know of what she meant than her two friends.

“I mean… it’s pretty big. We didn’t think you would need more than one bed.”

Still with a serious expression on her face, Catra nodded towards She-Ra.

“Where is she staying?”

“In her room?” Glimmer added, frowning with a confused half smile on her face. 

It’s not that Adora wasn’t expecting that moment, or that she thought Queen Angella would force her to share a room with Catra. She was just confused as to why she was so sad that they would spend their nights separated from now on.

Catra didn’t seem sad about it, but she also didn’t seem happy. Adora wasn’t an expert at socializing, but she was still completely convinced that Catra was the hardest person to read in the entire planet.

Her ability to maintain an unfazed expression enraged Adora, who just wanted to crawl into her head to see what the hell she was thinking when she gave her that puzzling look.

Finally, the brunette approached She-Ra who was forced to walk backwards and out of the room when Catra didn’t stop, only doing so once everyone but her was out of the room.

“I’ll start settling in.” Was all she said before slamming the door in their faces.

Her nose mere centimeters away from the room, She-Ra took a deep breath and slowly let it out. What the hell was that?

“She’s… nice.” Bow muttered.

“About as nice as I expected.” Glimmer added rolling her eyes and taking a step back. “Well, at least we finally have you all to ourselves!” Seeing as her friend gave no reaction to her words, still staring at the door in front of her, Glimmer snapped her fingers. “Hello?”

“Hm?” She-Ra asked, finally turning her head to look at her friends.

“Now that the ‘tour’ is over, what do you want to do? Are you hungry? Or do you want to take a walk outside? It’s getting dark, but I think it’ll be okay.”

“We should go outside!” Bow joined the conversation, grabbing She-Ra’s hand and quickly drawing her attention to him. “I bet you missed seeing pretty things in general, while living in the Fright Zone.”

The comment managed to make her laugh, which was a great accomplishment at that time.

“So?” Glimmer disappeared from her spot behind She-Ra and reappeared right next to Bow, a huge smile on her face. “What will it be?”

Adora loved her friends so much. She really did. Just looking at them stare at her with such expectation, just wanting to spend time with her doing anything. No one else in the planet made her feel as loved and accepted as those two. Which was why telling them no was always so hard for her.

“Actually…” The blonde started, sliding her hand out of Bow’s grasp and rubbing her forehead with it. “I’m kinda tired, from the flight and all… I was thinking I should go get my stuff organized and go to bed early.”

They were both clearly taken aback by her response, but Adora knew they would understand.

“Of course!” As always, Bow was the voice of reason. He stepped behind Glimmer and put his hands on her shoulders, looking at She-Ra over their friend’s head. “That’s totally normal. I would feel like sleeping for ten years if I had spent six months where you have!”

She-Ra forced herself to smile, but felt incredibly uncomfortable at the thought that she hadn’t really despised the experience as much as her friends thought.

“Yeah.” Glimmer chimed in, smiling comprehensively. “No problem, but we will be at your door tomorrow first thing in the morning!”

“You better be.”

“It’s a promise.”

Both women look at each other with confidence.

“Okay then.” Bow added, almost dragging Glimmer with him as he walked away. “We’ll see you tomorrow, we can have breakfast together!”

“Sounds like a plan!” The blonde shrugged and slightly opened her arms, laughing under her breath as she watched the scene.

“See you tomorrow! Hey- Okay, let go!”

Glimmer quickly disappeared from beneath Bow’s hands, who tripped but managed not to fall. Immediately after turning around and seeing the other walking a few steps in front of him he rushed to catch up with her, saying something that She-Ra wasn’t listening to anymore as she stared at the door next to her.

Refusing to stand in front of Catra’s room by herself for a second longer, She-Ra forced her own legs to start moving to get to her bedroom.

Not that she had to walk too much to get there; it was literally the room right next to Catra’s.

Once she was in and the door was closed behind her, She-Ra took a deep breath and disappeared in a flash of light before Adora appeared in the exact same spot she was in. Why did she feel like she had just ran a marathon?

Bringing a hand to her head, the blonde took out her tight ponytail and walked towards one of the mirrors in her room to stare at herself as she did so. Her reflection looked tired, worn out. It didn’t come as a shock; that’s exactly how she felt on the inside. She already missed being She-Ra.

With the familiarity of someone who had been living there for the past ten years, Adora took a few step backwards as she sighed and let herself fall on her bed with her arms stretched at both sides of her body. She closed her eyes and rubbed them with the heels of her hands, suddenly feeling her lower lip quiver and tears forming under her lids.

Why did she want to cry? It was so frustrating, knowing something was wrong, feeling it in the air but never being able to fully grasp it. She was finally back home, she had been waiting for this moment for the last six months. But now that she was back in Bright Moon, her mind was already over the temporary ease that her return had brought and had already moved on to worry about something else.

But what?

That’s all Adora wanted to know. How did she expect to understand everyone else when she didn’t even know herself?  
Did she miss the Fright Zone? Was she scared she had been changed after staying there for so long? Did she fear Bow and Glimmer would look at her differently if she told them about how her and Catra’s relationship had changed? Did she just prefer to sleep on the floor rather than on her comfy bed if it meant sharing a room with her wife? Was she scared it was so easy for her to refer to Catra as her wife?

Tears rolled down from her eyes to her temples and onto her hair, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. A tight feeling invaded her chest, making her feel like she couldn’t breathe.

Not knowing how to calm herself down, Adora quickly decided to stand up and walk towards her bathroom. She smartly decided to avoid the mirror and undressed herself as fast as she could before jumping into the shower and turning on the water, allowing it to hit her face directly and hoping it would help wash away whatever was making her feel so helpless.

It took her more than an hour under the strong stream of water to realize that nothing would be able to take away the constraining feeling in her throat, so after a few moments of allowing the tears to leave her body as she stared at the baby blue tiles in the shower wall with a neutral expression on her face she finally forced herself to step out of the shower.

She proceeded to put on her sleepwear with great parsimony; her arms and back were sore and her eyes felt like they weighed ten pounds each. Crying tended to make her feel more physically exhausted than fighting, which usually made her forget about her problems. Judging by the time though, going out to training wasn’t really an option at the moment.

Water dripped down from her still soaked hair onto her shoulders and clothes, but Adora couldn’t bother to wring it out and dry off before going to bed. Bow had lectured her about it in the past, but he was nowhere to be found, so without a second thought she jumped into bed and under her covers with a long sigh. She covered her head, crawling down seeking for a comfort that was nowhere near to be found.

And, in her defence, she did try to sleep. At least at first.

She rolled in bed from one side to the other, facing her bathroom, facing the ceiling, and finally facing the wall that her room shared with Catra’s.

Quickly she pushed the first thought that came to her mind away and turned around to face the other side of the room, her eyes open and a pronounced frown on her face. She wanted to fall asleep, but her body was doing everything in its power to keep it from happening. She caught herself softly kicking her legs under the covers, then scratching the thin material beneath her with her fingers, then softly humming a song she hadn’t heard in years.

It was a matter of time before she had had enough and angrily sat up, throwing the covers off of her body. Looking at the clock revealed that she had spent roughly two hours trying to fall asleep, and knowing that everyone else in the castle was probably already asleep only made matters worse.

Frustrated, Adora angrily dragged herself to the edge of the bed and planted her feet on the cold floor. It felt refreshing, and if she wasn’t wide awake before she sure as hell was now.

Still deciding on where to go but perfectly knowing where she wanted to be at that moment, Adora stood up and made her way to the door while walking on her tiptoes. It wasn’t like the floors and walls of the castle were thin enough for her steps to matter, but still, for some reason the way she was sneaking out of her own room by herself made her feel like she was doing something bad.

She was a 27 year old woman, Adora told herself. She could do whatever she wanted.

Regardless, as she walked out of the room, Adora made extra sure to close the door with all the care in the world as to not make a single noise.

Looking at both sides, Adora made sure there was no one else in the corridor before starting to walk to her left. She could feel her heart beating so fast she wouldn’t have been surprised if it had leapt out of her mouth at any moment. Why was she so nervous? She wasn’t even doing anything wrong, right?

But she was about to.

Pretending her legs were guiding her and the choice of direction hadn’t been completely intentional, Adora approached Catra’s room and intended to walk right past it.  
Intended being the word because, as she reached her wife’s dormitory her legs betrayed her and immediately stopped moving. She looked left at the door where she had last seen the woman, and finally gave in and walked towards it putting her ear against the flat surface.

Her heart was already beating fast, but now she could literally feel it against her chest. Adora consciously moved her body away from the door as if her heartbeats would alert Catra of her presence, and after not hearing anything she moved her ear away as well. Now she felt like an idiot.

Also almost working by their own free will, Adora’s knuckles approached the door and softly knocked on it. She waited for a moment. No response.

Coughing to clear her throat, she attempted the same tactic again, now knocking slightly louder than before.

“Catra?” She whispered against the door, once again putting her ear against it. No response, and she couldn’t hear anyone moving inside either.

Maybe she had left the room. Or, more probably, she was fast asleep as Adora should be.

Defeated and still annoyingly uneasy, the blonde turned around to put her back against the wall and slide down until she was sitting on the floor with the back of her head now rested against the flat surface and her legs bent.

“What the hell is wrong with me...” Adora whispered out loud, mostly to herself since there was no one around to listen. “You’re such a fucking asshole.” She closed her first and slightly raised it, threatening to punch the floor, but deciding against it. She instead just let her arm fall limp next to her body in a defeated gesture.

“ _I’m_ such a fucking asshole.” She continued, letting out a soft laugh and tilting her head forward and away from the door. “I’ve always judged you for not leaving with me when I asked you to. You were the most important thing to me, I thought we would be together forever - fuck I sound like a child.” Adora shifted uncomfortably, turning her body to the side to rest the right side of her face against the wall, using her finger to draw senseless shapes on it. “But I did. And I was so angry that you just… didn’t think the same way as me. In a way all these years I’ve felt that you were the one that left me, that you chose wrong. But I don’t know what’s wrong anymore.”

Adora tried to listen to the inside of the room once again, now actually hoping and praying that no one was inside. She didn’t hear anything, which came as a relief.

“Anyway…” she continued, putting the back of her hand against her runny nose. “When you asked me why I didn’t come back… I was afraid that you had changed. I couldn’t believe it when you told me you were okay with what was happening over there. The fact that you knew more than me and still chose to stay… I felt like I didn’t really know you.” Now that she had finally started to talk it was hard to stop, and even if her words were disappearing into thin air without anyone to take them in, it still took a huge weight off of her shoulders just to speak them out loud. It was like she was coming to terms with her own feelings just as the words left her lips. “But I think I didn’t know myself. It’s like you said, there was no way I didn’t know what was going on. The terrible shit that was going on. I guess I was ignoring it. I didn’t want to believe it; I was comfortable. I had a future there, everyone was rooting for me.”

Feeling her legs fall asleep under the weight of her body, she shifted her position once again to rest her back against the door. She looked up at the ceiling, searching for her next words.

“And now I just don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I would be happy when I got to Bright Moon, but now that we’re here I feel worse. I don’t know if it’s change that scares me, or the fact that maybe in a messed up way I actually liked being back there.” Adora raised her hands to shield her eyes, as if there was anyone close that would see her cry. She struggled to kept a steady tone of voice. “I hate the Horde. I hate everything they stand for, but they were my family once.”

She let out a long sigh, her position still completely static as she took a moment to calm her breathing.

“It’s the same with you.” Adora continued after a short pause. I don’t know if I hate you and I want to love you, or if I love you and just want to hate you.”

Once she was done talking and felt like there was nothing else she needed to get off her chest, Adora still stayed there for a couple minutes in complete silence. There was nothing else to say, but she still didn’t want to leave.

Knowing that she couldn’t stay there all night and that she would need all of the energy possible for the activities waiting for her the next day, eventually the woman stood up with a groan.

“I’ll leave now.” She added, for some reason feeling the need to say goodbye to the unaware Catra inside the room. She allowed a few seconds for someone to reply inside, but when no one did she was forced to continue. “Okay. Good night.”

Rather than walking Adora had started to drag her feet across the floor in her bedroom’s direction, when a very familiar voice coming from her wife’s room made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“Good night, Adora.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have y'all forgotten about me already??? No??? Ok thx....
> 
> I feel way better about this posting schedule, I had more time to work on this chapter and think about what I wanted to talk about and I think it came out great.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you again in two weeks!!


	14. Measurements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some walls come down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I stayed up till 5AM two write this sweet, sweet content so y'all better enjoy.......

After being woken up by the sound of the alarm clock on her bedside table, all Catra did was shut off the device and turn around in bed with the intent of continuing to sleep.

While it was true that the Rebellion had gone out of their way to accommodate her to a room that resembled the ones in the Fright Zone, Catra’s surroundings didn’t fool her. She didn’t think, even for a second, that she was waking up at home in her own bed. What gave it away? Well, the mattress under her body wasn’t hard as a rock to begin with; instead it shaped itself around her body for what she assumed was supposed to be a comfortable experience.

However, after spending her entire life sleeping on top of rougher surfaces, the weird sensation the soft mattress was giving her was enough to exasperate her. It proved to be even more useful than the alarm clock, since after not being able to find a comfortable position she angrily grunted and got up rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

Once she had stretched her body and cleared her head, thoughts of last night’s events came rushing back to her. Sitting alone in the floor by the bed staring at her own feet, hearing some noise on the hallway and pressing her skilled ears to the door to try and figure out who was roaming through the castle at such late hours, and the surprise when she heard Adora’s voice right next to her.

She remembered wanting to open the door, so badly. What she would have given to be able to tear down her walls and allow Adora in, but as always something stopped her. That time it was the glimmer of the pendant hanging from her neck, a constant reminder that Adora’s apparently honest words didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter how much Catra wanted to reconcile with her, in the back of her head she knew things would never be able to go back to the way they used to be. She would never betray the Horde, and Adora was clearly not willing to betray the Rebellion either.

Either way, she would have loved to see the look on her face when Adora had realized that Catra had been listening to her speech all along.

It took her as little time as usual to get dressed and run her hands through the tangled mess Catra called her hair before she started heading out. It was still way too early; 8:30 in the morning. She had been summoned to a meeting at 9 AM and although she was used to getting up incredibly early of course had no plans of getting there on time.

That’s why her first destination was the dining hall, where she found more people than she had expected. Apparently everyone in the castle was already awake and ready for work. Catra recognized a couple of the guards that she saw during her arrival eating at one of the tables together, who after seeing her immediately looked away and started speaking in a lower tone of voice.

So this was how Adora felt.

Not letting the obvious shift of mood in the room as soon as she walked in affect her, Catra simply approached the large counter where all the food was displayed. For some reason she had been expecting the food in Bright Moon to be more appealing than the one at home, but looking at the sad state of the options in front of her it was clear that the Cataclysm had also taken a huge toll on them.

There was however a very noticeable difference in one thing; the amount of food that was served.

In the Horde, only a small part of food was distributed between the people and workers whereas most of it was either served to the people in the highest positions or stored in case of an emergency. That was clearly not the case in Bright Moon, as piles of food made up the counter space, and occasionally someone went back in line for seconds.

“Hey, Catra.”

A male voice startled her, making her jump and turn around in a more aggressive manner than she intended. Clearly scared by her reaction, Bow took a step back and slightly raised his arms in a sign of surrender.

“Woah, woah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Catra slowly looked him up and down, clearly making the man uncomfortable, and then turned around to face the food again.

“You couldn’t scare me if you tried.”

“Eh, thank you?” He hesitantly replied, walking to her side to inspect the food as well. “How did you sleep?”

“Fine.” Catra dismissively muttered as a reply before grabbing a plate full of fruit and walking away from the counter and, consequently, from Bow.

As she expected, he decided to follow her.

“I’m glad to hear that! I was serious, you know, when I said that we worked hard on your room.” Bow had to run to catch up with her as Catra sat on the first empty table she saw, practically dropping her plate on the table and starting to play with its contents rather than eating them. “We remembered all Adora had told us about how your rooms were back at the Fright Zone and tried to recreate it as well as we could…”

Catra brought her hands to the sides of her head, closing her eyes for a moment and praying that he would please stop talking. Which of course, he didn’t. She had started to zone out, only opening her eyes to look at her food, but the sound of the chair in front of her being moved made her look up at Bow.

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting… down?”

“Yeah, I see that.” She answered, clearly agitated. “Why?”

“I thought we could talk? Since you’re going to be with us for a while, I don’t want you to feel like you are alone.”

“We are not friends, Blow.”

“It’s Bow…” he mumbled, “I literally have a bow with me everywhere I go.”

“Whatever. Contrary to what you may believe, these pity parties you throw where you try to keep me company don’t make me feel any better. I like being alone. So get lost.”

He was visibly taken aback by the firmness of her words, picking his plate back up and moving away from the table. The man had already started to walk away when he apparently changed his mind and turned around to face Catra once more.

“No one likes to be alone, Catra.” Bow said, his free hand pressed against the table as he spoke in a low tone of voice so that no one else would hear their conversation. “You can make yourself believe that, use it as a defense mechanism. But eventually you will get what you want; people won’t try to even come close to you anymore. And then you won’t want it anymore.”

With that said, he finally left without giving her a chance to reply. She hadn’t even looked up from her plate, moving the sad looking fruit from one side to the other as she attentively listened to his words while at the same time pretending she wasn’t paying any attention to Bow.

His speech made her incredibly angry.

First, at the thought that he would dare speak to her like he knew her, what she had gone through, or why she was the way that she was.

And secondly, at the thought that maybe he was actually right.

Luckily Catra had grown accustomed to that annoying voice in the back of her head that people liked to call conscience. It tended to be angry with Catra’s choices, and she had learned to ignore it at a very young age.

“Catra?”

It was only a matter of minutes before someone else entered the room looking for her. Just when she thought she would get some peace of mind…

Looking up from her still mostly untouched plate she stared at the woman in front of her. She was dressed in an all blue uniform with ocean motives. One of her hands was rested on her hips and she was looking down at her like her very presence was an annoyance- a definintely hypocritical thing, since _she <\i> had been the one that approached her. _

___“Yes?” Catra calmly but clearly annoyed asked, one of her legs propped up on the chair with her shin rested against the table for support._ _ _

__

__“You have, like, a reunion to go to and stuff?” The woman replied, moving her head in a gesture that said ‘obviously’. “You need to come, like, really fast because you’re already late and Angella is pretty mad about it so like, hurry up or whatever.”_ _

__“I’m having breakfast?” She gestured towards her plate, repeating the same head gesture._ _

__“Ugh, duh. I see that.” The other replied, frowning and visibly getting irritated by the moment. “But like, you should’ve come here earlier if you wanted to spend like your whole morning eating and stuff. Now you have to come, so like hurry up. I don't want to get in trouble ‘cause you didn’t show after I, like, came all this way to get you.”_ _

__Amazingly, the princess’ annoying voice made her miss even Entrapta’s annoying bursts of speech. Even when Catra wasn’t in the mood for them, at least her colleague had interesting things to say.  
Fortunately, as soon as she had said that, the princess she now remembered was named Mermista turned around and left while muttering something under her breath that Catra didn’t bother to try to decipher._ _

__If the Queen had already gotten annoyed by the lack of her presence, Catra considered maybe she had played hard to get long enough for her first day there.  
With a yawn, the woman rubbed her eyes, grabbed her half eaten apple and stood up from the table to walk after the blue haired girl._ _

__The reunion room was located on the second floor of the Castle, guarded by a big, heavily (and terribly, in Catra's opinion) decorated gate that two wardens opened for the women once they arrived._ _

__Inside, everyone had turned their heads to look at them with the exception of Queen Angella, who didn't have to due to her position at the other side of the table, which made her face the door directly._ _

__Mermista walked away from Catra's side and to her seat, whilst the woman gave herself a moment to look around and take in everyone's presence, take an incredibly loud bite of her apple to make her seem like even more of a jerk before she started strolling over to sit next to She-Ra, who seemed terribly uncomfortable by the whole situation._ _

__“Now that everyone is here,” the Queen spoke, her eyes piercing through Catra who simply looked away dismissively, “let's begin.”_ _

__As to be expected, Catra didn't pay attention at all during the meeting. She already knew there was no way they would let her roam free through the castle, so as long as Adora knew what they were supposed to do and at what times (which judging by her intense need of pleasing the members of the Rebellion, she would obviously make sure that was the case), there was really no point for her to be paying any attention._ _

__“Does anyone have any questions?”_ _

__Silence._ _

__After looking at both sides, Catra raised her hand._ _

__The Queen sighed, knowing nothing good could come from that. But then again, it wouldn’t be very appropriate to just ignore her- and if she did, Catra may just speak without permission anyway._ _

__“Yes, Catra?” The woman gently replied, intertwining her fingers and resting her hands on the table in front of her._ _

__“Why does she come like this to the reunions?” She asked, her thumb pointing to She-Ra at her right._ _

__Silence again. Everyone interchanged weird looks._ _

__“I'm afraid I don't understand the question.”_ _

__“I thought you guys were friends and all that shit.” Catra now turned her head to She-Ra, who simply looked down at the table in front of her and shifted positions, uncomfortable with the situation. “Why can't she just come as Adora?”_ _

__Glimmer pressed both of her palms against the table, getting ready to say something. Before she could, Queen Angella raised her hand in a sign for her to be quiet. The woman complied, closing her hands into fists and leaning back in her chair._ _

__“She is free to join our reunions however she pleases to.” The gentleness in her voice had completely disappeared. “I'm not completely sure how things work at the Horde, but here we intend to create a safe and comfortable space where everyone can be themselves so that we can discuss matters in a more relaxed and objective way.”_ _

__There was a hint of something in the Queen's voice when she spoke to her, something that sounded like a challenge. And Catra wasn't one to back down from a challenge._ _

__“Oh, shit. You think she's being herself right now?” Catra let out a cackle, slamming her hand against the table in a gesture that the Princesses were clearly not very accustomed to since it made a few of them jump on their seats. “Damn, I knew you guys didn't really know her, but that…”_ _

__“Catra.” She-Ra firmly stated, finally turning her head to look at the woman. “Shut up.”_ _

__It was the first time since they had reunited that Catra had seen her be honest with herself, aside from the events of the night before._ _

__She should've been angry that she had been told to shut up, but Catra couldn't help but give She-Ra a half-smile that the other replied to with a puzzled look._ _

__“I think that concludes the reunion.”_ _

__***_ _

__Catra really knew how to push Adora's buttons. And God, did she love to test her._ _

__“Where do you think you're going?”_ _

__The marriage had left the reunion room and started walking in complete silence, Catra with her usual long confident strides and arms crossed and She-Ra with her hands closed into tight fists as she searched everywhere inside her mind for a reason not to explode right there and then._ _

__The moment they approached the stairs, Catra took a couple steps down before She-Ra's words caught her attention and made her turn back around._ _

__“To my room?” She was clearly in a better mood than the day before, and the fact that it was probably because of what had gone down during their meeting made Adora terribly angry._ _

__“We have things to do. We have to go to the tailor.”_ _

__“To the tailor? Why the hell do we need to go to the tailor?”_ _

__She-Ra sighed and pinched her own nose with two fingers, visibly frustrated._ _

__“You seriously weren't paying attention, huh? They need to at least see you in person to be able to make your uniform.”_ _

__“My uniform?” Catra scoffed. “What, is having to live in a golden, pink, glittery castle not torture enough? I also have to wear a rainbow skirt or some shit?”_ _

__After taking a couple steps in her direction, She-Ra grabbed Catra's arms knowing that if she wanted to avoid her or escape from her grip she was perfectly capable to do so. Which she didn't do._ _

__“You should be grateful you haven't been kicked off and our whole alliance hasn't been called off because of your extraordinary ability to piss people off.”_ _

__“Aw.” Catra replied with half a smile as if it was a compliment, their faces now closer after she had been yanked up the stairs by She-Ra. “You're just saying that.”_ _

__Her snarky comment got the blonde to let go, turn around and start walking. Soon enough she heard the sound of bare feet smacking the ground behind her._ _

__The rest of the short trip to the dressmaker's room was spent in silence, luckily for Adora. She didn't know how much more banter she could keep a straight face through before either snapping at Catra or doing something she would surely regret later._ _

__Once they reached their destination, She-Ra knocked on the door._ _

__“Come in!”_ _

__It wasn't the first time she had walked into that room, but she was reminded of her first impression of it when she tried to figure out what Catra must've been thinking at that moment._ _

__It was a rather small room in comparison to the rest of the castle, but its decoration was in perfect unison with the rest of the building. The walls were painted a soft pink color and decorated with purple and gold motifs. There were dress forms, full body dummies, measuring tape, and other sewing supplies everywhere, which made the place feel even smaller and slightly overwhelming. Still, everything fit in its place and was clearly very meticulously organized._ _

__“Ah, yes, hello.” A man whose name Adora hadn't managed to remember greeted them after only looking at them over his glasses for a second. He was a very eccentric, small man (his head barely reached She-Ra's waist on a good day) that had social abilities only comparable to Entrapta's. “I've been expecting you. Get up on the stool will you.”_ _

__Again, the man didn't even look at them as he spoke, instead walking around the room at a surprising fast pace for someone with such short legs, grabbing supplies for his work._ _

__Catra stood by the door, her arms crossed, and only complied to his orders after She-Ra nudged her with her elbow prompting a hiss from the woman._ _

__She approached the small platform covered by a piece of pastel blue fabric and stood on it, her arms still crossed as she tapped her foot against the clothed wood beneath her in an impatient gesture. In the meantime She-Ra walked around the room, looking at what she considered to be terrible decor, before sitting down by the door behind Catra's back._ _

__“Okay miss Catra.” The man fixed his glasses, which sat almost at the tip of his nose, before writing something in a notebook and approaching her. “I already have the design that's been approved by the Queen here and all I need to get to work are some measurements.”_ _

__“Hm.” Catra let out a yawn, waving a hand in front of her mouth._ _

__The tailor took that noise as reassurance and set down his notebook next to them before wrapping his measuring tape around Catra's leg._ _

__The woman immediately tensed up under his touch, She-Ra could tell that much by the way the muscles on her back moved and turned more defined. She forced herself to look away._ _

__She only looked back after hearing the man gasp._ _

__“Enough.”_ _

__Catra had been playful all morning, all snarky comments and dismissive gestures._ _

__But there was nothing playful or dismissive about her voice when she said that._ _

__“M-miss, this is my work, I can assure you…”_ _

__“I don't care.”_ _

__“What's happening?” She-Ra finally chimed in, staring at the weird scene in front of her; Catra was grabbing the tailor's wrist, who's hand was still holding the measuring tape this time around her hips._ _

__“He has to stop.” Catra firmly stated, and immediately Adora knew there was no point in fighting her._ _

__“This is insulting. I'm a professional, what you're hinting at is ridiculous.”_ _

__“I'm not hinting at anything, little guy.” She-Ra could swear she saw smoke coming out of his head. “In 28 years I haven't let a man put his nasty hands on me without my permission” Catra finally let go of her tight grip on him by pushing him away from her without the slightest struggle. “And your creepy, tiny hands aren't going to be any exception.”_ _

__She-Ra would have been mad by her overreaction if she hadn't been so… weirdly impressed?_ _

__Tripping over his own feet after being pushed back, the tailor brought a hand to his face to fix his glasses and raised a finger with his mouth open clearly preparing to snap back at Catra for her undeniably inappropriate comment._ _

__Quickly as ever, She-Ra stepped between them and gave the man one of her best appeasing smiles._ _

__“I'll do it.”_ _

__The man frowned, looking up at the blonde, and shoved his measuring tape in her hands._ _

__“Fine. I need to get some fresh air. I'll be back in twenty, have it all ready by then!”_ _

__“Yes, sir.” She-Ra had no clue how to refer to him, but clearly the 'sir’ boosted his ego and appeased his anger as he already seemed more relaxed while he made his way to the door. “Oh! And, please, could you maybe not… mention this to the Queen? I wouldn't want to worry her any more than necessary.”_ _

__The tailor sighed, looking back at her from the door._ _

__“For you, miss She-Ra, I won't” now she felt bad she didn't remember his name. “Get the measurements. There's gloves in that drawer if you need them.”_ _

__“Gloves?” Catra started, but the man had already left. “What does he think I am?”_ _

__“Probably a feral beast, since you act like one.”_ _

__Catra tried to cover her laugh with a scoff. It didn't work. She-Ra played with the measuring tape by wrapping it around her hands._ _

__“You seem weirdly cheerful today.”_ _

__“Do I?”_ _

__She-Ra nodded._ _

__Catra shrugged._ _

__“Maybe I dreamt something nice last night.”_ _

__Suddenly, swallowing her own saliva was one of the hardest task She-Ra had ever been forced to do._ _

__Refusing to play into her twisted games, she took a step closer to the feline and showed her the tape._ _

__“Are you going to scratch me?’_ _

__Catra licked her own lips and smiled, like she was forcing herself to not say something._ _

___“You'll have to risk it.” She finally said._ _ _

___For the eleventh time in the span of ten minutes, She-Ra sighed._ _ _

___Looking over at the notebook the tailor had left close to the stool, she saw all the measurements she was supposed to write down. She decided to start by the hips, where he had been forced to stop._ _ _

___“So,” She-Ra felt suddenly very uncomfortable staying silent while her fingers were pressed against the side of Catra's hip, “what was all of that?”_ _ _

___“All of what?” Catra asked, looking right in front of her instead of at She-Ra._ _ _

___The warrior moved away to write down a number, and checked the next thing on the list. Waist. She decided to skip that one for now. Upper arm. That felt a little less personal. She brought the notebook back with her and held it between her legs to avoid walking back and forth every time she measured something new._ _ _

___“You freaking out about having a man take your measurements - give me your arm.”_ _ _

___“I didn't know I needed a reason to be weirded out by having an old man put his hands all over me.” Catra said, complying to her request._ _ _

___“You're letting me do it.”_ _ _

___“Yeah, you. You're not an old man. And anyway, you're still on thin ice so don't test your luck.”_ _ _

___She-Ra pressed her lips together to fight back a smile._ _ _

___“This isn't my forte, I can't-” Uncomfortable by her arm's position she couldn't figure out how to get Catra's upper arm measurement, and in an attempt to get a better angle she grabbed the woman's hand and put it on her shoulder. “Okay” She muttered, concentrated on remembering the number and then writing in on the notebook._ _ _

___Not sure if she was supposed to just get one arm's measurements or both, she repeated the same steps with Catra's right arm. She noted down the number and looked up only to see Catra awkwardly staring to the side._ _ _

___She realized her hands were still resting on her shoulders, and considered letting her know she could put them away._ _ _

___By luck or misfortune, the position gave She-Ra perfect access to Catra's waist, so the woman decided to get it over with and mutter a ‘I need to - uh…’ before slowly moving Catra's shirt out of the way, giving her enough time to refuse if she wanted to, which she luckily didn't do._ _ _

___Dealing with Catra was like dealing with a wild animal, she had learned. It was all about taking small, baby steps and then waiting for reassurance before continuing._ _ _

___She pressed the tape against one side of her waist, and then slowly dragged the other side to meet the initial end by guiding it with her finger against her skin. The muscles in her abdomen were hard against her touch, and although Catra looked lanky and feeble at first sight it was clear she had been working hard to get stronger._ _ _

___Too immersed in her own thoughts to realize how long she had spent staring at Catra's stomach in silence, it came as a surprise when she felt strong thumbs suddenly move on top of her shoulders, making her slightly jump._ _ _

___She hated her own reaction, afraid it would make Catra think she didn't want that kind of touch from her and making her pull her hands away. She didn't, which only made things worse, because now Adora realized to what point she had been craving that exact touch._ _ _

___By the person she was supposed to hate the most in the world._ _ _

___It felt like looking back at Catra would scare either one of them away and ruin the moment that only then had Adora realized she had been so strongly craving. Words would make things weird, they always did, and there was no excuse for what was going through her head at that moment._ _ _

___For once, she let go and decided to let that be a problem for future Adora._ _ _

___After all, it wasn't exactly her taking those measurements. It wasn't her shamelessly running her thumb over the flesh on Catra's stomach as if to erase a mark left by the measuring tape that was never there in the first place. It was She-Ra doing all those things. She-Ra was more confident, way braver than Adora could ever be._ _ _

___Surely that made things okay. For some reason. She would come up with something later, while laying in bed at 4AM and wondering what the hell was wrong with her._ _ _

___Next step was measuring Catra's arm length, which she wasn't completely sure how to get. She put one end of the tape on top of her shoulder and then ran the rest of it down towards her wrist. She did so as slow as she thought she could get away with, savoring every moment she got to run her hands over the defined muscles on Catra's arm._ _ _

___She-Ra didn't even write anything down, letting go of the tape without looking at the number while her eyes studied one of the hands on her shoulder. Her middle finger carefully traveled from her wrist to her knuckles, as Adora tried to process that was the same hand she used to hold more than ten years ago. Its skin looked damaged and her knuckles were marked by scars that Adora knew would never disappear._ _ _

___It was hard, but eventually She-Ra ripped her sight away from Catra's hand and to the list, clearing her throat as if that would help ease the mood in any way. Her eyes found the word neck, and she deemed that a suitable next step._ _ _

___There was no choice but to look up at Catra that time, whose neck fell slightly above her eyes’ height while she stood in that stool. She expected her to either be looking away or to avert her gaze when She-Ra looked back at her, but if anything Catra's stare only turned more intense for the three seconds She-Ra managed to maintain eye contact with her before looking away._ _ _

___What was she doing again?_ _ _

___Measurements, right. Neck. Yes._ _ _

___Concentrating on Catra's neck as if it was the most interesting thing in the world, She-Ra furrowed her brows and threw the measuring tape behind her and held both ends at both sides of her neck. In an attempt to get her to lean forward she softly pulled on the tape, forcing Catra to comply._ _ _

___It could have been considered a mistake, judging by the fact that Catra seemed to take the gesture as an invitation for something else. But then again, Adora wasn't sure if subconsciously maybe she really was trying to entice her._ _ _

___Her hands were shaky before, but the moment Catra's slid from her shoulders inwards and towards her neck, She-Ra instantly gave up._ _ _

___She stopped tensing the tape, leaning her face forward to keep Catra from seeing her expression and forcing herself to swallow in a futile attempt to calm her nerves._ _ _

___The rough skin of Catra's fingertips suddenly came into contact with She-Ra's bare neck, who closed her eyes in complete silence. She was surprisingly warm, and the touch felt more gentle that Adora had imagined it to be._ _ _

___The long, agile fingers of both of Catra's hands traveled to the back of her neck and pressed the tense muscle there sending a shiver down She-Ra's spine. Soon enough they had moved up and gotten tangled into her long blonde locks of hair and Adora felt embarrassed to admit that wasn't the first time that woman's fingers had been in her head in the last few years._ _ _

___Unexpectedly Catra pulled She-Ra's head backward while still holding onto her hair, forcing the woman to look up at her. Her mouth fell open as she let out a whine, too worried about everything that was happening inside her mind at the moment to think about being embarrassed of her instinctive reaction. She let go of the tape, her hands falling to Catra's waist as she mindlessly took a step closer to her. The notebook fell from between her legs and to the floor._ _ _

___She wasn't forcing Catra to lean forward anymore, but when She-Ra finally gave in and opened her eyes she saw her wife's face extremely close to hers as blue and yellow eyes pierced right through her. She was completely serious, concentrated even, as if she was calculating something, while She-Ra was convinced she just looked like an absolute mess._ _ _

___“What are you doing?” While She-Ra intended to express an actual concern, her words ended up coming out sounding as a pathetic plead for more. More of what, she wasn't so sure. All Adora knew was that, at that moment, she wanted more of whatever Catra was willing to give her._ _ _

___Not replying to her question at first, Catra leaned her face forward even more until She-Ra could feel her hot breath against her right ear, making the world spin inside her head._ _ _

___“Some really stupid shit, that's for sure” she whispered back._ _ _

___For a split second, She-Ra could swear she felt sharp fangs against the incredibly hot skin of her ear, before Catra out of the blue pushed her and stood straight._ _ _

___Just a couple seconds later, before She-Ra could ask anything, there was a knock at the door._ _ _

___“You ladies done over here?”_ _ _

___The tailor opened the door, entering the room without closing behind himself and approaching She-Ra (who was running her fingers through her hair and fixing her shirt in the most suspicious way possible) without even acknowledging Catra clearly out of spite._ _ _

___“All done.” Catra was the one to reply, which She-Ra was grateful for, because if she had been forced to say something she was pretty sure she would have fainted. “I'm going now, have fun knitting or whatever.”_ _ _

___And just like that, she nimbly jumped down from the platform, ran a hand through her mane of hair and exited the room._ _ _

___The tailor crouched in front of the stool, grabbing the notebook from the floor._ _ _

___“Huh? This isn't even half of the measurements I need!”_ _ _

___He was now looking at She-Ra as he waited for answers, who finally felt calm enough to reply._ _ _

___“Oh, eh. I'm sure you can work with that, you're our best tailor! Okay, goodbye!” Was all she could muster before quickly storming out of the room._ _ _

___She could hear the man add something before she slammed the door to his workshop, but Adora's mind was too far away from that place for her to care._ _ _


	15. Hard loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new tradition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, just a warning; things get a lil spicy on this one, but there's nothing terribly explicit. Just in case anyone is uncomfortable with that! Hope you enjoy!

“Yeah, right.”

“No, I swear!”

She-Ra let out a laugh, walking between Glimmer and Frosta as they made their way back from their regularly scheduled reunion with the Queen where they discussed the evolution of the Whispering Woods and what their next step should be. It had been one of the reunions that Catra wasn’t allowed to join; since her presence had become a barrier to the comfort of the members of said reunions, her assistance to the weekly meetings had been reduced to once a month. Enough for her to catch up with what had been discussed and the changes that were being implemented, but not enough to keep people from speaking their minds out of pure fear.

That one had been a fruitful reunion filled with good news; thanks to Perfuma and her people’s help the woods were recovering faster than ever, especially now that the Horde wasn’t constantly trying to attack them. They hadn’t gotten to the point where they worked together, even though the enemy organization should be interested in the recovery of the woods as well, but apparently collaborating with them in the future wasn’t completely out of the question for the Queen.

For the first time in a very long time, Adora felt hopeful.

Hopeful about the Rebellion. Hopeful about Etheria. And hopeful about her relationship with Catra.

“This is me.”

Glimmer and Frosta turned around to face She-Ra once the woman stopped walking, interrupting their conversation about Frosta’s alleged victory during practice against Netossa, which Glimmer refused to believe.

“Why don’t you eat lunch with us just this once?” Frosta asked, crossing her arms and turning her body to completely face She-Ra. Her ability to be completely serious and ruthless during their meetings and other formal situations was completely different to the casual, youthful aura that surrounded her once she was relaxed.

“I’ll see you guys later, I promise.” She-Ra said looking at the younger woman with half a smile.

Averting her gaze from the princess, her eyes found Glimmer, who clearly was not stoked on the idea of letting her leave. Still, whether she liked it or not, her close friend had finally come to understand that Adora needed these moments as much as she needed to spend time with her and Bow.  
There was as much anger as understanding in her eyes, and after mouthing a ‘sorry’ She-Ra gave her friend a tight smile before turning around and walking away from them.

“Anyway, as I was saying…” Was all the blonde heard while she walked away as Frosta resumed her story, which she was sure Glimmer was more than thrilled to hear about.

It only took her about two minutes to arrive to her destination once she parted way with the princesses; Catra’s bedroom.

Mostly everyone knew she had been joining her wife for lunch in that room for the past month, which Adora considered enormous progress since Catra had only been staying with them for two months.

Adora had finally realized that there was no way in hell she would be able to make Catra befriend the other members of the Rebellion, and since her only other option was allowing her to have lunch and dinner every single day by herself in her room, she was willing to sacrifice some of her time with friends to spend an hour or two eating with her wife.

She knocked three times on the door, knowing that Catra must have heard her approach the room since two corridors away, but nonetheless taking the time to warn her about her presence before entering the room.

It was dark, way darker than the rest of the castle, and even though Adora had been living with them for the past ten years, the grey, bleak ambience of her room somehow made her feel comfortable. At home, in a very, very scary way.

“Hey.” Catra mustered, sitting in one edge of the bed while biting her nails and giving She-Ra her back.

“Hey.” The woman replied, closing the door behind her and approaching the woman, who didn’t even turn around to look at her. “What’s in the menu for today?”

Catra replied by turning her head to gesture towards a table on the other side of the room. There were two plates on top of it; one empty, one with food still on it.

She-Ra raised one eyebrow.

“You ate without me?”

Catra finally turned her head to look at her over her shoulder.

“I was hungry.” She got up, almost jumping off of the bed and onto the floor. “But I’ll join you.” Catra added before walking towards said table.

She-Ra followed her, taking a seat facing the wall that the table was pushed against and immediately grabbing a fork. She began eating without question, her eyes fixated on the plate in front of her as she practically gobbled down vegetables and potatoes like they would disappear if she didn’t do it fast enough.

Slowly, Catra walked into frame and sat down diagonally to her. She-Ra could tell there was something on her mind judging by the way she was biting the nail on her thumb. She used to do that when they were little all the time, especially when she was thinking about something that she really wanted to say out loud.

“What is it?” She-Ra asked, looking up from her food and at Catra. She brought a piece of bread to her mouth and took a bite, watching the woman as she watched her back.

“You still haven’t explained it to me.” Catra replied, not wasting any time acting like she didn’t know what She-Ra was talking about. “Why you go out like this for them.”

The derogatory tone Catra used when saying those words was enough to drag her wife’s attention away from the food. Instead, She-Ra stared to the wall in front of her for a moment and waited until she could swallow the piece of bread that was on her mouth, which took quite a lot of effort, to speak.

“You’re so obsessed with that.” She muttered, putting her fork back on the table.

“I’m not obsessed.” Catra frowned, both of her feet up on the chair she was sitting on. Her eyes were now fixated on She-Ra, who found it hard to look back at her. “I’m just curious. I thought Hordak was forcing you to walk around looking like this, but now I’m starting to believe that you actually prefer it.”

“Yeah, I do prefer it, actually.” She replied quicker than she intended, and in a more aggressive tone. Mustering some courage, she looked back at Catra, who seemed unfazed by her weird outburst. Still, She-Ra felt bad about her reaction. She tilted her head forward and rubbed her forehead with the heels of her hands. “It’s complicated, okay.”

“Try me.” Catra responded, putting her feet back on the ground and dragging her chair slightly closer to She-Ra as she tilted her body forward. Her elbows were now resting on her knees, and she had the fingers of both hands intertwined as she apparently waited for a story to begin.

She-Ra took her time organizing her thoughts, raising her head and taking a sip of her glass of water in an attempt to appear occupied as she did so.

“It’s hard.” She started, nodding with her head firmly as she gazed forward, fearing that looking at Catra as she spoke about something so private for her would be too overwhelming. “Some days I wake up and I’m not sure who I am. I used to think She-Ra was just this physical form I could turn myself into, then I started to realize that it was more like someone I share a brain with. There’s days where I hate her, and there’s days where I wish Adora didn’t even exist.”

Finally taking a chance to look at Catra from the corner of her eye, She-Ra saw the woman maintain a neutral expression as she stared at her completely silent. Somehow she knew the story wasn’t over, and allowed Adora the break she needed to go on.

“During my first few years living here.” She continued, placing her palm flat against the table to give herself something to stare at. “I had to attend official acts looking like She-Ra instead of Adora. Just like I had to do in the Horde. The people like her way better than Adora.” She-Ra smiled, without a trace of happiness in her expression. “I can’t blame them.”

She coughed, giving herself another small break, and wondering for a second if talking to Catra about this was truly a good idea.

They had been spending a lot of time together, and even though no one would be able to tell from an outsider’s perspective, they had grown way closer over the past month. From sharing slightly personal details to being able to spend time together without even saying a word, their relationship was slowly evolving into something more real than their strictly political marriage, and even though Adora knew things would never go back to the way they used to be when they were little she felt like having Catra trust her would be more than enough.

Still the chance that Catra’s behavior could be all just an act, part of a plan developed by Hordak, had crossed Adora’s mind more than once.

How could it not? There were no lines the man wouldn’t be willing to cross in order to get what he wanted, and after years under his control there was a chance Catra had been manipulated enough to try and pull off something like that.

Yet Adora couldn’t help but trust her. Maybe it was the fact that she had been so close to Catra all those years ago, and was sure that she would know if that was what the woman was trying to do. Or maybe it was just that since she so desperately needed her, Adora hoped that Catra felt the same way.

Eventually, she continued.

“After the Cataclysm there were many times where all I did was walk around trying to look after everyone, help them remain calm in the middle of all the uncertainty. I spent hours and hours on end in public as She-Ra, then hours became days where I didn’t even bother to turn back into Adora when I went to bed for example. What was the point? I would have to turn into She-Ra right back in the morning. And then days became months, and for almost half a year there was only her. No Adora. I wasn’t fighting, so I didn’t even need to rest and regain energy to maintain this form.”

Her hand curled into a fist on top of the table.

“I thought I had lost myself, but then again how could I be sure who ‘myself’ even was? People liked She-Ra better. Hell, I like She-Ra better. Who would want to be a fragile, boring human when you could be She-Ra, the Princess of Power?”

A long finger appeared into She-Ra’s line of sight as Catra ran the long nail of her index finger along the back of her hand, still in complete silence. She looked up at her wife, who was apparently mindlessly looking at her own finger as it drew random shapes on her hand.

“Weren’t they worried?” Catra asked, trying to keep an uninterested tone of voice that She-Ra saw right through. “Your friends.” She almost spat the last word.

“I don’t think they understand.” She-Ra reluctantly admitted, not moving her eyes away from Catra. “They try, and I appreciate it. But they don’t know me that well.”

“You’ve been more than ten years together, and they don’t know you that well?”

“Yes.” She-Ra stated with a firmness that caught Catra off-guard, who looked up at her with raised eyebrows. “It’s not their fault. I don’t tell them that much. I don’t think I can.”

“Why?”

She-Ra shrugged.

“I guess we’re so different, I find it hard to open up to them. I don’t think they would get it. We’ve grown up in different worlds; there’s things I could never explain to them.”

Judging by the way Catra stared at her, she knew what her words implied. What she wanted to say.

_They don’t understand. But you do._

For longer than what Adora was comfortable with, they simply stared at each other. She was afraid saying anything would make Catra retreat back to the emotional hiding spot she always protected herself with if she said the wrong thing.

Eventually, Catra moved her finger away from She-Ra’s hand. It was weird how she would sometimes do things like that; caress her hand, touch her hair… even if there was clearly still a lot of tension between them. They couldn’t be sure of each other’s intentions no matter what, and even though Catra still wouldn’t emotionally let Adora in, it seemed easier for her to express her feelings and intentions through those physical gestures.

Adora knew their isolating childhoods played an important role in both of their inabilities to interact with each other - and other people - in a normal way, a thought that made her so angry she forced herself to not think about it in order to remain calm in front of Catra.

Afraid that after their one sided conversation Catra would go back to ask meaningless questions or simply start ignoring her presence entirely as it usually happened when they spent time together, She-Ra raised her hand to bring it closer to Catra’s face.

The woman reacted by flinching and staring back at her confused, as she used to. The terrified way in which she always acted when someone tried to touch her broke Adora’s heart, but when after a moment of pause she relaxed back and didn’t move away with a questioning look still in her face, she brought her fingers to the upper part of the scar that began right under Catra’s left eye. 

Her fingers merely graced the woman’s cheek, who looked immensely tense under her touch. Afraid of making her feel uncomfortable, she silently pulled her hand away.

To her surprise, Catra responded by quickly grabbing her wrist making her flinch this time. Slowly and without breaking eye contact, the feline brought her hand back to the damaged tissue on her face. In complete silence, She-Ra gently pressed her finger against the textured skin from under her eye and slowly dragged it down to the corner of her mouth. 

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?” Catra replied, the movement of her mouth making She-Ra’s finger fall to the outside of her lower lip.

“This.”

“You didn’t do this.”

Confused, She-Ra frowned.

“I didn’t? But you told me...” Adora distinctly remembered Catra’s insinuation of her involvement with said wound.

“I lied.” Still looking back at her, the woman shrugged nonchalantly. “I was angry and wanted you to feel bad.”

“You succeeded.” She-Ra muttered with a slight frown, realizing she’d been feeling terrible for the longest time for something she hadn’t even done. “But then, who gave it to you?”

Catra stared at her in silence for a long moment, and without responding to her question, got up and turned around to give her her back. 

She-Ra thought that was the end of it; maybe her question had implications she didn’t know about, ones that Catra wasn’t ready to talk about yet. But after a short pause the woman started to take off her jacket, throwing it aside, and unbuttoned the top part of her shirt.

Ignoring the sudden heat that rose to her face at the sight, She-Ra sat in silence as Catra pulled her shirt off her shoulders and down her arms to expose the upper part of her back where a long, very faded scar snaked from her top right shoulder to the bottom left of her ribs. The only word Adora could find to describe it was simply chilling.

She stood up, almost mesmerized in a fucked up way by the image, and approached Catra slowly enough for her footsteps to serve as a warning of her intentions. When once again the brunette didn’t seem to react, She-Ra used her hand to move away her long mane of hair to get a better look at the tight, white line across her back. Running her finger along it revealed that the skin was slightly raised in certain areas, and seemed way deeper and messier than the one in her face.

She could see the long, brown strands of fur-hair that trailed down Catra’s back stand on end under her touch. Now that she got a chance to take a closer inspection of the scar, there were a few noticeable differences between that one and the one in Catra’s face.

For starters, the one in her back was ragged and bumpy in many parts; a few spots were visibly much deeper than others. It was messy and clearly fruit of a rushed strike with a sword.

 _Her_ sword.

Meanwhile, the already healed wound on her face was much more uniform and seemed like the result of a calculated gesture, almost like it had been done deliberately as some sort of marking or maybe even a punishment. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach, and remembering the fact that even if she was pretty sure of who was the actual perpetrator of the torture there was nothing she could do about it made her feel completely powerless.

In an attempt to distract herself from the sad realization she’d just come to, She-Ra pressed the palm of her hand against Catra’s back and slowly dragged it down across it while attentively staring at the path it paved through her fur. Catra didn’t seem bothered by the way her arm started to pull down her shirt, not in an attempt to take it off or in a disrespectful manner; there was nothing but pure curiosity and a silent plead for intimacy with her wife in the gesture.

Eventually her hand disappeared from sight as it hid underneath the shirt, and quicker than Adora thought the woman was even capable of Catra suddenly turned around and grabbed her wrist once again, prompting a gasp from She-Ra who was clearly caught off guard.

“Sorry.” Was all she could muster, confused and embarrassed at the thought that she might have crossed a line that she shouldn’t have.

However, instead of reprimanding her, all Catra did was stare right into She-Ra’s eyes with a puzzling look. She was shorter than her, but still the blonde felt intimidated by her intense gaze and found it hard to maintain eye contact.

“Now you.” She ended up saying, surprisingly being the first one to look away only to stare at She-Ra’s neck.

Knowing what she was talking about instantly, She-Ra brought her free hand to the same spot Catra was shamelessly staring at assuming that the beginning of one of her markings poking through her uniform was what had caught her attention. She tended to make sure it was covered by the high neck of her clothes, but if someone paid close attention it was hard to conceal such a distinct change of color and texture in the skin.

In a silent plea for her to let go, the blonde looked at her restricted hand and then back up at Catra, who eventually agreed to do so. She didn’t step back, standing painfully close to She-Ra as the woman undid the button that held the neck of her uniform clasped together. Of course, the warrior refused to be the first to move away, almost puffing out her chest in an attempt to feel less small next to a woman that was already one head shorter than her.

Despite how confident and sure of herself She-Ra wanted to look, the trembling of her fingers as she attempted to reveal the skin underneath her uniform showed how anxious she actually felt. Clearly annoyed by her clumsy movements, Catra sighed and roughly moved She-Ra’s hands aside as she took over and started unclasping the upper part of her uniform.

The white fabric was peeled off of her collarbone as Catra slightly struggled to unclasp the big emblem in the middle of her chest. Afraid that intervening may annoy her, She-Ra remained perfectly still with her arms hanging at both sides of her body until the brunette finally managed to reveal the imprint that her wife usually tried to conceal.

Four long lines slashed the flesh on her chest, from the crook between her neck and shoulder to right under her right breast. It had healed better than Catra’s, probably due to a more intensive and professional care, but it was obvious that regardless of the measures taken to avoid it the scar would accompany her for life. 

Catra seemed as interested in analyzing the marking as She-Ra had been just a few moments ago, which luckily made her feel less like a weirdo. She could almost hear what was going through her wife’s mind since the same exact thoughts had crossed her mind at the sight of what her own sword had done to a person she never even wanted to hurt in the first place.

Or perhaps Catra did want to hurt her. There was no way for Adora to know since she couldn’t rely on her to be honest about anything, let alone her feelings.

Sharp nails graced her skin as Catra ran her fingers along the scars, in a twisted way recreating what had happened the day that she received them. She-Ra caught herself holding her breath, only letting go once the other’s nails finally reached the tender flesh at the end of the wound.

She-Ra tightly closed her eyes, frowning and forcing herself to swallow as a knot formed on her throat. A bittersweet shiver ran down her spine when, without question, Catra pushed aside the right part of her uniform to reveal the bare skin underneath. It was not the first time Catra saw her partly naked - or fully naked for that matter - but the years and events that had transpired between then and now were enough for Adora to feel exposed under her feline, attentive gaze.

Opening her eyes she found Catra looking back at her, her hand resting right underneath her breast where her scar started to fade.

“Are you embarrassed?”

She-Ra swallowed.

“No.” She muttered in response, even if her bright red cheeks said otherwise.

The words ‘wrong answer’ were displayed in the blonde’s mind when she saw Catra roll her eyes for a split second before moving her hand away.

As quickly as she was capable of, which wasn’t very fast, She-Ra grabbed it.

Seemingly having caught her by surprise, Catra stood still and simply stared back at her in silence waiting for something. If only she knew what she wanted from her, Adora thought. She was willing to give her mostly anything in exchange for just a second of intimacy, a reminder of what things used to be like since she already knew at that point all they could do was pretend. Pretend nothing had changed, pretend things were better. If that’s all they could aspire to, Adora was willing to fight with nails and teeth for it.

Hoping to give her the right answer this time, She-Ra slowly moved Catra’s hand back to the position it was before, pressing her palm against it for a moment before taking her hand away.

“Yes.” She corrected herself after letting out a long sigh.

Catra’s gaze traveled from She-Ra’s eyes, to her nose and then her lips, repeating the same path again a couple times as she considered her response.

Finally, once she had deemed her honestly worthy of her approval, Catra ran her hand from under her breast to her side, moving the clothing along with it and revealing more of the pale skin underneath. There were long, excruciating pauses in between her movements that made Adora want to scream at her. It was part of the test, she knew it. They may have been separated for years, but she knew Catra’s games by heart. It wasn’t her first time playing.

What felt like hours had to pass before the tan hand on her side started to move down caressing the soft flesh beneath, making She-Ra feel electricity crackling through her veins. The rough tips of Catra’s fingers somehow managed to graze her skin with enough tenderness to make every hair on her body stand on end. 

That feeling was nothing in comparison to what went through her mind when Catra tilted her head forward, bringing her lips closer to the nook in her neck where her scar started, and let out a long sigh. She-Ra could feel the warm air against her skin as it left the woman’s lips, and forcing herself to stay still proved harder than ever.

“I can stop.” Catra firmly stated, sounding more as a threat than a concern in Adora’s mind.

“Don’t.” She weakly replied, looking down and to the side.

Catra took her words as an invitation, and after grazing the skin on She-Ra’s neck with her lips she used both her hands to pull down the upper part of her uniform, including her flashy shoulder plates.

Once her whole chest was revealed and leaving her nothing to cover herself with, Catra then proceeded to take a step back. It took all of She-Ra’s self control to stand still and not try to hide herself behind her own arms. After undoing most of the buttons of her shirt, Catra’s chest was almost completely showing, but for some reason she didn’t look even half as bothered as She-Ra by it. If anything, she looked even more confident, her shoulders rolled back and she stood proud staring up and down at the blonde.

There was something in her eyes that Adora knew too well to ignore. Disappointment was the only word she could think of to describe it, and there was no doubt in her mind as to what Catra wanted from her. She knew Catra was not going to say it out loud, but then again she didn’t need to hear it.

An abrupt flash of light brightened the room, and She-Ra’s frame was replaced by an equally half undressed Adora.

Immediately at the sight something changed in Catra’s expression. It may have been just surprise, but Adora wanted to think it was deeper than that. Hopefully something similar to what she was feeling herself; the desire of something lost long ago, the guilt she so desperately refused to feel. The amount of thoughts running through her brain was overwhelming, and judging by her expression it was the exact same for her wife.

As agile as ever, Catra eliminated the gap between them in a second, grabbing Adora’s arms and pushing her with her body until her back suddenly hit the wall with a loud thud.

A short gasp escaped Adora’s lips at the twinge of pain in the back of her head, but she didn’t have too much time to dwell on it when she felt sharp teeth dig into the skin of her shoulder. One of Catra’s legs pressed its way in between Adora’s, who immediately moved them apart without even an attempt to show resistance.

This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? It would be a lie to say she hadn’t been dreaming of that moment during the last few months, especially since what had happened at the tailor’s workshop. Still, something felt wrong.

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Adora allowed Catra’s claws to roam along her torso harshly enough to make sure it would leave countless new marks on her body. Now that her own were free, the blonde attempted to continue undoing Catra’s shirt, not without difficulty with their bodies so tightly pressed together.

Upon realizing what Adora was trying to do, the feline immediately moved her head away and took a step back to remove the piece of clothing herself. Adora took the chance to do the same, removing what was rest of her jacket and shirt and throwing it away as fast as she possibly could.

Immediately their bodies were slammed together again, Adora’s hands exploring her wife’s back with unconcealed desperation. Catra’s fingers were rapidly attempting to undo the button on Adora’s pants, and the blonde took the chance to lean her face forward in an attempt to kiss her.

Immediately, Catra tilted her own head backwards and moved her hand away from the uniform’s zipper to push Adora’s chest back and against the wall. 

“Don’t.”

The warning was all Adora needed to realize that she wasn’t playing games when she said that.

They maintained eye contact for a long moment, and it wasn’t until Adora acknowledged her request by softly nodding with her head that Catra resumed with her intentions.

Now with the knowledge that Catra refused to do something as apparently simple as kiss her, especially judging by what was about to happen, she felt as disheveled on the inside as she probably looked like on the outside.

A few seconds had to go by where Adora tried to find herself again, and once a tug in her pants brought her back to reality she quickly deemed the thought in her mind something to worry about later. Now, with her heart beating fast enough for her to feel it in her ears and with not only wanting but also something like anger coursing through her veins, she was the one to put her hands on Catra’s shoulders and push her body away from hers,.

Surprised by Adora’s sudden burst of bravery her wife moved according to what her body dictated, taking only a couple steps backwards until the back of her knees found the table She-Ra had been eating on just moments before. Putting her hands on both of Catra’s sides, Adora propped her up until she was sitting on top of it. It only took her one hand to push the woman’s torso until she was laying down on the table, surprising herself not only with the amount of strength she had in comparison to Catra, but also with how willing to obey she was once Adora had started to show some initiative.

From that new angle, she was now finally able to appreciate the contrast between Catra’s tanned skin, full of freckles, scratches and different markings that Adora didn’t even recognize, and her own pale, mostly intact skin. She found a new line of damaged tissue on the left side of her body and instinctively pressed her thumb against it, thinking about how content she would be to just have the chance to investigate every single one of the imprints covering Catra’s body.

“Hey, Adora.”

Once again she was brought out of her daydream by Catra hissing her words as her skillful legs wrapped around her body and brought them closer together once again. In an attempt to not fall Adora had to put her hands against the table in the first spot she could find which, inconveniently, was right where her mostly empty plate was placed.

Immediately upon impact it flew to their left and fell to the floor, not shattering but making a loud noise that still wasn’t loud enough to distract them from what they were doing. She worried for a second that someone may come looking for them if they heard the sound, but Adora wasn’t willing to sacrifice the moment just for a ‘maybe’.

Catra’s nails scratched Adora’s back when the latter pressed herself in between her legs and leaned forward to kiss and not so softly suck on the skin of her neck. She felt like she could spend days buried in Catra’s mane, inhaling the familiar and at the same time very foreign smell she gave off. 

Finally, as one of her hands stopped clenching her side and traveled up to softly caress the skin on Catra’s chest, the woman let out a groan that Adora knew would keep her awake at night for the rest of the week.

Seemingly ashamed of her own reaction Catra moved her hand up from Adora’s back and into her hair, pulling it backwards until she moved her head away and replied with a moan of her own.  
She, however, wasn’t embarrassed. She didn’t even attempt to hide her face or stop her hips from moving forward desperately looking for Catra. It was too late for that, and Adora wasn’t going to allow herself to feel ashamed or guilty for choosing herself above everyone else for once.

Again, a set of sharp teeth digged into the skin on her shoulder, immediately followed by the damp feeling of Catra’s rough tongue tracing the mark that surely had been left on her body after that bite.  
It made Adora feel drunk, her head spinning and her eyes fluttering shut as Catra’s fingers wrapped around her neck for a moment and gave it a firm squeeze before traveling down between her breasts and even further down after that.

There were very little things that would be able to distract her from that moment as the warm feeling in her stomach grew with every second Catra’s skin was in contact with hers, but when looking down between them her eyes caught a glimpse of the pendant hanging from her wife’s neck and Adora saw in her head the image of a man she definitely did not want to think about in such a state.

Knowing it would be a motif of discussion later on, Adora trusted her instincts and grabbed the chain hanging around Catra’s neck, pulling it off abruptly with a fast movement and throwing it aside.

Catra could get as angry as she wanted once she came back to her senses, but for now all Adora was worried about was making sure that man didn't separate them again.


	16. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora can't keep her mind off of Catra's necklace.

As the morning sun hit her face, Adora woke up in her bed to the sight of an undressed Catra laying beside her with her arm lazily draped over her bare chest.

Her tan fingers graced the skin of Adora’s neck as she twitched in her sleep, frowning and groaning in annoyance as the sunlight hit her eyes as well.  
Careful not to wake her, she slowly moved the brunette’s arm away from her and stood up, walking towards the big window in one side of the room to cover it.

Once the curtains had been closed to keep the sunlight at bay and she was making her way back to bed with her lover, Adora caught a glimpse of the pendant Catra usually wore around her neck. It lay on the bedside table, carelessly unclasped as it had been taken off in a rather rushed way the night before. 

It had been a little more than two months since Adora had ripped the piece of jewelry off of her wife’s chest in a violent outburst that she wasn’t exactly proud of. Not to say that she was ashamed of the gesture either, but it was undeniable that after all that time had gone by she should have voiced her concerns in regards of the pendant to Catra instead of taking it off for her everytime they had these encounters; which was rather often.

Taking a seat in the edge of the bed and grabbing Hordak’s gift from the table, Adora wondered if after all they’d been through Catra would still refuse to consider the possibility that maybe Hordak didn’t have her best interest in mind. It was clear to her, after hearing the way he had asked the woman not to take it off under any circumstance, that the pendant hid more than Hordak led on initially.

Too busy playing with the piece of jewelry, Adora didn’t realize Catra had started to wake up until she heard a high pitched groan behind her. Turning around she saw the woman with her arms and legs completely stretched out, eyes closed and mouth open as she let out a loud yawn. It was a heartwarming display of trust; the way she slightly opened one eye, which clearly took a lot of effort, to look at her and after seeing her face simply closed it again to turn her head and bury her face in the pillow beneath her without a worry in the world about the fact that she was still completely naked. She let out another feline sounding groan before tilting her head once more to be able to look at Adora.

“Hey.”

The blonde smiled.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing?” Catra asked as she rubbed one of her eyes with her knuckles, her eyes dancing all over Adora’s naked frame.

She felt the heat rise up to her face, and decided to deviate her gaze towards the item she was still holding in her hands. Adora didn’t need to look at Catra to realize she was now staring at the pendant as well, since after just a few seconds she could hear the covers moving aside and her propping herself up on the bed.

A set of warm fingers were suddenly pressed against her back, but she wasn’t startled. Their encounters had been taking place consistently for long enough for her to have grown accustomed to Catra’s touch again, and even though it still was difficult, the voice in her head yelling that this was a bad idea had finally started to subside.

“What is it?” Catra asked. Her voice was firm, but the way her hand softly caressed the bare skin on Adora’s back betrayed her otherwise threatening behaviour.

Shifting in her place, Adora turned her torso slightly to the side to face Catra, holding the chain between them and letting the pendant hang in the air.

“Do you ever wonder…” she muttered, her eyes following the Horde’s emblem as it swung from side to side, “why he gave it to you?”

Catra stared at her, ignoring the way the object danced between them, and after a moment snatched it from her hand with a quick gesture.

Again, Adora didn’t flinch.

“Is that why you always make me take it off?” Catra asked, leaning back down and crossing her legs in a relaxed position. She played with the item between her skilled fingers, moving it from hand to hand as she examined it. “Why do _you_ think he gave it to me?”

It took her awhile to be able to concentrate on the question, too distracted with the way the few rays of sunlight that made it through the curtains hit Catra’s body. She envied how confident she looked, how careless she was about the fact that she was completely bare in front of someone else. Adora didn’t think she would ever reach such a level of self confidence in her life.

“I have my theories.” She replied, bringing her hands to her hair to tie it up in her usual ponytail.

“Don’t.” Catra quickly said, catching Adora’s attention who stopped with her hands still buried in her own hair. “I like it down.”

After a moment of hesitation, she put her arms down and let her hair fall on her shoulders again.

In an attempt to busy herself with something else to avoid dwelling into Catra’s comment too much, Adora turned around to kneel on the bed and stretched her arm to try and grab the pendant again. A smug looking Catra moved her hand away too fast for her to react on time, and Adora found herself grabbing just a handful of air.

Visibly proud of herself Catra let out a cackle, to which Adora replied by moving closer and leaning over her to try and grab the item again. Once more too fast for her to react on time, Catra threw it into her other hand to get it out of her grasp forcing Adora to put her arm down and rest her hand on the bed to avoid falling.

The brunette, agile as ever, propped herself up and managed to grab Adora and turn her body around so she laid face up on the bed with her head on Catra’s lap using only one arm. With a swift movement she tilted her torso forward and bit down on the soft flesh of Adora’s neck, who let out a sudden gasp followed by a mix of a shriek and a laugh.

Immediately Catra moved her face away to look at her, bringing a finger to her lips and shushing Adora.

“Don’t ‘shh’ me!” The woman yelled as a reply, immediately covering her mouth with her hand at the loud sound of her own voice.

Even if they had started to become slightly more friendly in public and Catra had progressively corrected her behavior around the rest of the members of the Rebellion, the weekly - if not daily - encounters between the marriage were to remain a secret, not to mention the fact that they had started to spend the nights together. Sometimes in Adora’s room, sometimes in Catra’s. Whichever was the case, they were supposed to leave each other’s room before anyone discovered the nature of their reunions.

It was sad, and even if she was supposed to feel ashamed of it, Adora couldn’t bring herself to feel anything towards their new dynamic but hope. She didn’t feel bad about keeping some secrets from her friends. They would never understand, or at least that’s what she told herself.

Relaxing her body again, Adora found herself staring up at Catra with the back of her head rested on her lap. The woman wasn’t paying her any attention as she stared into the wall in front of her, her ears twitching slightly as she tried to listen in for any sounds in the hallway outside. After a long moment, she looked back down at Adora and relaxed her expression, a gesture that Adora assumed meant they were safe.

Without saying a word, Adora put her palm up and stared at Catra with a pleading expression, and after an annoyed sigh the feline gave in and placed the pendant on her hand.

Holding it with only two fingers Adora studied the emblem, putting it against the light as if she would be able to see anything through it. She then brought it to her ear, shaking it but hearing nothing in the inside.

“Tell me” Catra insisted with one hand rested on the bed to hold herself up and the other one drawing shapes in Adora’s stomach. “What are you so suspicious of?”

“Have you never thought maybe he wanted you to wear it to… spy on you?”

Catra’s hand stopped moving as she raised one eyebrow.

“What do you mean spy on me.”

“Maybe there’s a mic in there.” Adora brought the pendant close to her eye, closing the other one. “Or even a camera.”

Once again, Catra took it away from her hand. This time with less force, giving Adora the chance to hold on to it, which she didn’t do.

“He trusts me.” She firmly stated, no trace of her amused tone of voice left in her words. “I’ve earned it.”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“Right.” Catra rolled her eyes, moving her hand away from Adora’s body and making her regret bringing it up immediately.

Now that the bandaid was off whatever, she decided to take the chance to delve into the subject just a bit more.

“I’m not saying he doesn’t trust you.” Adora replied, bringing her head up to softly caress the spot beneath Catra’s chin with her finger. “I’m saying he doesn’t trust me. Which I can’t really blame him for. Is it so crazy to think that he wanted to keep an eye on me? Why else would he want you to keep it on at all times?”

“Maybe because I was leaving the Horde for six months for the first time and he didn’t want me to feel like shit the whole time.” She grabbed Adora’s hand, placing it on her own cheek and holding it there.

“Call me crazy, but he doesn’t strike me as the sentimental type.”

“You don’t know him like I do.” Catra replied, letting go of Adora’s hand and moving her head to the side until her fingers grazed the base of her ears. Taking it as an invitation, Adora started to scratch the spot prompting a sound of content from the feline.

“Should I be worried?”

“About what?” Catra muttered with her eyes closed.

Being faced with the need to explain what she was talking about made Adora regret the way she had worded the sentence.

“Nothing.” She replied, sitting up and moving her hand away from Catra’s ear, who replied by shaking her head for a moment and frowning in annoyance. “If you really believe that, why don’t we open it?”

“What do you mean _open it_.”

“I mean open it. As in see what’s inside.”

Catra let out a long sigh, letting herself fall back into the bed and allowing Adora the chance to take the pendant from her hand again.

“You can’t open it, it’s just an emblem.”

“We can force it to open.”

“So you want to break it.”

“No.” Adora said, quickly realizing that breaking it was, indeed, what she wanted to do. “Not exactly.”

“Let’s do something.” Catra stated, getting Adora’s attention away from the pendant and to her. “I’ll let you break it.”

“Don’t say 'break it', that sounds like I just want to destroy it.”

Catra lifted her head up from the bed to look at her with one eyebrow raised as if she was doubting the veracity of her words.

“I’ll let you break it.” She repeated. “With one condition.”

Adora turned around to lay in bed next to her, facing down so she could look at her face from above.

“I’m listening.”

“If there’s nothing inside, you have to do something for me. And if there’s something inside, I’ll do something for you.”

If Catra didn’t have her full attention before, she sure as hell had it now.

“Okay.” She firmly replied, completely convinced that she would win the bet. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Hordak had something planned when he gave Catra that necklace, and if aside from the chance to say ‘I told you so’ she also got something else in return, why not agree to the deal? “So what’s the limit?”

“There’s none. I’ll do whatever you want.”

The tip of Adora’s tongue popped out of her mouth as she wet her lips in an unconscious gesture, which made Catra laugh. She blushed.

“If there’s something inside.” She started, dying to direct the conversation somewhere else before Catra even said anything. “You’ll apologize to the Queen for being so hard to deal with. And you’ll start wearing the uniform that the tailor made for you.”

“I think that counts as two requests, not one.” Catra complained, looking up at her and putting her finger on Adora’s forehead.

“Oh, sorry. And here I thought you were so sure of yourself.” Adora teased her, knowing how easy to provoke her wife was. “Are you having second thoughts?”

Just as she had predicted, Catra pursed her lips and frowned, moving her finger away from Adora’s forehead.

“And if I win.” She replied, letting Adora assume she was okay with her condition. “You have to tell your friends about this.”

“About what?”

Catra looked down at Adora’s exposed back and then grabbed her jaw with one hand. She brought Adora’s face closer to hers in a slow motion, who simply stared back at her and only closed her eyes when she felt Catra’s lips press against hers. The sudden feeling of the woman’s rough tongue gracing her lips made Adora sigh, unconsciously moving her body closer to Catra’s and burying her hand on the back of her head. 

Before things could progress any further, the brunette moved her hand from Adora’s chin to her chest and pushed her away. Confused, she swallowed and looked back at Catra as she ran a finger across her own lips.

“This.”

Realizing what exactly she was talking about, Adora shook her head.

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“Why would you want that?”

Catra shrugged with a smug smile on her lips, bringing her hands to the back of her head in a relaxed position.

“Maybe I just like seeing you struggle.”

“Right.” Adora replied, shaking her head and looking away from a moment with her eyebrows raised. “I don’t doubt that for a second.”

“What’s wrong?” Catra teased her, propping herself up with her elbows and tilting her head to the side as she looked at her. “You seemed so confident a moment ago. Not so sure of yourself anymore?”

Adora rolled her eyes, perfectly aware that Catra was using the same technique she used just a moment ago, but still choosing to take the bait. She was sure of herself, and even if the possibility of having to speak to Glimmer about her relationship with Catra terrified her, Adora was sure she was going to win the bet.

And when she did, not only would Catra have to apologize to the Queen, but she would be forced to face the fact that Hordak was, indeed, spying on her. Adora hoped that would help her see that the man didn’t really care about her, so that she could come to the conclusion that she couldn’t trust the Horde as much as she thought.

But she could always trust her.

“Fine” Adora replied as she offered Catra her hand, who shook it firmly just once. “How are we going to do this?”

“ _We_?” Catra asked. “So you want me to help you destroy this thing when this was all your idea and I’m going to be the one that gets reprimanded for breaking it? You’re the one with the muscles. You get it open.”

Adora grimaced, knowing damn well that despite her apparently uninterested behavior Catra was just as curious as her to check if the pendant was actually just a way for Hordak to spy on them or not.

Not in the mood for arguing, Adora ignored the fact that calling her ‘the one with the muscles’ implied that Catra was the one with the brains in the relationship. Standing up, she picked up the emblem and paced around the room, putting it in the palm of her hand and closing her fist tightly around it.

She didn’t intend to break it open that way; she just wanted to check how resistant it actually was, since she didn’t even know for sure what material it was made of.

Still, after opening her fist and closing it as tight as she could around it a couple times, she heard a sudden ‘click’ and felt the pendant snap in two.

Turning her head to the side to look at Catra, Adora caught her wife looking back at her, her ears perked up attentively. She had clearly heard the same noise, and now seemed slightly nervous when faced with the possibility that there may be, indeed, something inside of her leader’s apparently harmless present.

Getting up from the bed Catra approached Adora, who stood still next to the window with her fist still closed as she looked down at it.

“Well?” Catra asked, impatient and confused as to what she was doing. “Let’s see it.”

Adora felt hesitant, as if all of a sudden she wasn’t so sure if she wanted to know about the contents of the pendant or not.  
With an exasperated sigh, Catra grabbed the blonde’s hand and carefully peeled her fingers off of the emblem, forcing her to open her fist and reveal its contents.

As they both stared down at the now destroyed piece of jewelry, Catra’s long nails separated the five pieces it had been broken into, moving them around and inspecting them carefully.

Adora suddenly let out the air she had been holding in her lungs when, staring at the remains of the pendant that Catra was inspecting, she saw…

Nothing.

There was nothing inside; both wings of the emblem had been broken each in two and the part that connected them was now completely separated. The interior was completely hollow, which didn’t make much sense to Adora. That had to be the reason why it had broken so easily, almost like it was made for it to be that way.

Now even she realized that she was being paranoid.

“Well” Catra said, moving her hand away while still looking down at the sad remains of her necklace. “That was anticlimactic, huh?”

“I…” Adora muttered, frowning and bringing her hand closer to her eyes, looking for something. Anything they could have missed. “That’s so weird.”

“What is?” Catra asked, crossing her arms. “The fact that someone could trust me without feeling the need to spy on me?”

“Don’t start with that." Adora sighed, closing her fist again and bringing her free hand to her forehead as she closed her eyes. “It’s- Why would he give this to you then?”

“Have you ever entertained the possibility that maybe he isn’t the monster that you think he is?”

She hadn’t. But now she was actually considering it.

“Anyway.” Catra continued, turning around and approaching the bed as she grabbed her uniform and started to get dressed. “I would be mad at you if I wasn’t so excited to have won that bet.”

The shock of the moment had made Adora forget all about it, but now that Catra had reminded her, she regretted being so stupid to promise her such a thing.

“Oh.” She muttered, turning around and quickly approaching the bed. She left what was left of the pendant on her bedside table and quickly climbed up on the bed through the opposite side where Catra was getting dressed. “Are we really doing that? I mean… isn’t the right to say ‘I told you so’ good enough?”

Catra let out a cackle, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she buttoned up her shirt.

“Absolutely no. But just for the record, I did tell you so.”

“C’mon, Catra.” Adora crawled towards her, taking a seat next to her and pushing her shoulder with her own. “What do you get out of them knowing about us?”

“What do you get out of them not knowing?” She replied, not bothering to look back at her as she stood back up and put on her jacket. “If you’re such close friends, I’m sure they’ll understand.” she pulled out her main of hair out of the jacket, messily running her fingers through it. “Right?”

Adora stared up at her, crossing her ankles and pressing her knees together.

“Right.”

Catra turned her head to look at the clock hanging from the wall. Following her gaze, Adora saw it was already 7:53AM; they always tried to leave the other’s room before 8AM just to avoid being seen doing so by the guards as they began their morning shift.

“I have to go.” The brunette muttered.

“Wait.” Adora sighed, getting up as well.

As careless as always, Catra had buttoned her shirt the wrong way, leaving one button on the top with no hole and one hole in the bottom with no button. The blonde took her time undoing all of them and buttoning the shirt again with way more care, fixing her collar once she was done.

Too concentrated in the task Adora hadn’t looked up at Catra until her hands were wrapped around the fabric around her neck, and now that she did she found her wife staring back at her from far too close and, in a way, not close enough.  
Allowing her eyes to travel across her features, Adora ended up staring at Catra’s parted lips as she cleared her throat. Considering what had happened the night before, leaning forward to kiss her shouldn’t seem like such a big deal, but before she even had the chance to make up her mind about doing it or not Catra’s hand suddenly appeared in her line of sight as she grabbed hers and moved it away from her collar.

Adora considered the moment over and done; as always she had missed her chance to get closer to Catra by being too afraid to scare her away.  
But to her surprise, instead of simply letting go of her hand her wife instead brought it to her lips and softly kissed her knuckles.

Not sure how to react, Adora stared back at her feeling the beat of her heart warm on her throat. Catra’s thumb caressed the skin on the back of her hand as they stared at each other, confused and not knowing exactly what to do. She was painfully aware of the amount of clothes Catra was wearing in comparison to how many she had on herself, which was… well, zero.  
Adora opened her mouth for a moment, considering what to say, but decided to stay silent when she wasn’t able to think about anything coherent to add.

Luckily for her, Catra took the lead when she put their hands down without letting go of Adora’s.

“You’re not getting out of the bet.”

That was all she said, her lips tightly pressed together, before giving her hand a firm squeeze and letting go. She then turned around and walked away, leaving the room in long strides as if nothing had happened.

Adora let herself fall down on the bed again, confused not only about the moment that Catra and her had just shared, but also about the fact that maybe, just maybe, Hordak and the Horde as a whole actually did deserve a second chance.

***

Catra was grateful not to find anyone in the corridor as she left Adora’s room, knowing perfectly well that she wouldn’t be able to fake normality in front of anyone while having to deal with that weird feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t categorize. It was like feeling like you needed to puke, but not being able to do it.

It was already too late; the guards would start their shift in a couple minutes and she needed to hurry back to her room if she didn’t want to be seen by anyone. Luckily stealth had always been her specialty, so it wasn’t too hard for her to go unnoticed even after hearing the sounds of people starting to roam the castle as the clocks struck 8AM.

Once in her room Catra rushed to close the door behind her and brought a hand to her chest, feeling the violent sound of her heart beating against it. She frowned.

Trying to get her mind away from things, Catra tried to forget about Adora even if just for a moment by concentrating on the lack of the pendant hanging from her neck. She looked down, staring at the ghost of the emblem, and frowned.

Why did she expect to, indeed, find something inside of it as well?  
Why was she as shocked to Adora to realize that it was nothing more than just that; a necklace?

Turning around and walking into the room, Catra ran her hands through her tangled hair and let out a long sigh. Why couldn’t she have at least one normal, peaceful day? Since she had moved in to Bright Moon a day didn’t go by where something happened either with Adora, the Horde or sometimes both.

Hoping to at least spend a day free of trouble, she turned around and walked into the room as she attempted to gather all of her hair in the back of her head and tie it together. She could still get at least a couple more hours of sleep, since she didn’t have any reunions to attend that day and Adora wouldn’t go by to visit her until it was lunch time.

Something caught her eye as she approached her bed, making her stop dead in her tracks and turn her head. There were no clear windows in her room, but there was a small hatch covered with textured glass that allowed a small amount of light in just in case something happened and she needed to access the exterior from her room.

Even though the image was distorted by the pattern covering it, Catra could swear she saw something moving on the other side, and upon inspection she found the hatch slightly open. She didn’t remember unlocking it herself, and she had always thought that it could only be opened from the inside out.

And even if that wasn’t the case, who would be able to open it from the outside? Her room was far too high up the castle for anyone to reach the hatch, even if they used a ladder.

Suspicious, Catra opened it and poked her head through, being forced to squint when the light hit her eyes directly. Looking around she couldn’t see anyone or anything suspicious so, after a few seconds, she decided to ignore it and close the hatch back up, making sure to lock it.

Thinking that would be the end of it the woman turned around, immediately being faced by a new discovery. There was a letter on top of her desk. Once more, she looked around and turned her head to look at the textured glass on the wall behind her.

If she had only found the hatch slightly open or the letter laying on her desk, maybe Catra wouldn’t be so freaked out. But the combination of both made her nervous. It implied that someone had sneaked into the castle just to deliver that to her, which made her part of something clearly secret and probably very important that she wasn’t sure she wanted to participate in.  
Not wasting any more time in speculations, she approached the piece of paper and quickly took it from the desk.

Catra found herself holding her breath when, after turning the letter around, she saw the Horde’s emblem engraved on the sealing wax that held it closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter is rather short because I've been ultra busy moving, but I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> I'm still not done with the moving process and I'm going to be traveling in between cities during the next month since I'll have to move AGAIN in a couple of weeks (hopefully... fingers crossed!) and I'm also going to be working on a small project outside of my city (I'm a makeup artist for those of you that don't know). I hope to be able to upload the next chapter on time, but please be patient with me if I'm not able to post it on the 9th! I'll try to put it up as soon as possible.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Thank you so much @AcousticMalta (Twitter and Tumblr), @lesbiianangel (on Twitter) and @MarziDocs (on ao3) for being the best beta readers ever!


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